So, I randomly decided that I wanted to read one of your stories and you happened to write for one of my favorite fandoms. lol... I don't know if you've ever watched "The Sad Cat Diary" on YouTube, but if you haven't, you should. This reminds me of that video.

This story is sad, but so charming at the same time. It says so much with so little words. At one time, I avoided stories that were short out of ignorance that quantity would assumably mean quality however with this, you among others, prove me wrong.

There is so much emotion, so much heart, so much depth. Unfortunately, 90% of the pokemon that I capture and go into that box, they are forgotten. Now, I feel bad for my Sentret that never had a chance. haha.

I love the part where he says that he craves for the "petty" sensations because usually, when one loses something important, the things they miss the most are the simplest things because those are the things that were done most often.

I really love this! I'm adding you to my alerts!
- Neo

Aww that's so sad

An interesting and tragic topic. I liked it.

No-Eye BatsZubats. Yay, I can figure that out.

Rock FacesGeodude. It could be Gravler, but they didn't live in that cave.

D:

Now i feel so bad about putting Pokemon in the PCs...

This story really made think about some of Pokemon's great job!

The description about Dunsparce is just fine: the drill-tail. But I think that if you add a reference that Dunsparce is snake-like, it would sound better (well, actually, I'm only suggesting because I'm rather familiar with the fandom)! I don't get who is the 'Captor, the Furless Two-Legs' though.
I think you've described about Dunsparce's habitat so well: I miss the comfort of the noise all around me, from the wing beats and screeches of the No-Eye Bats to the pounding of the Rock Faces' fists against the rocks to the soft clicks and chirps of the bugs buzzing in the open sky.
(I guess that the No-Eye Bats and Rock Faces are Zubat and Geodude!)
Poor Dunsparce, just like a caged bird that is yearning for freedom. And it ends with skepticism, which makes the story sadder.

This Dunsparce expresses the same thing in three different ways before we are allowed to move on to a new line of through, and it does not make me three times more sympathetic. If anything, I'm left feeling conflicted rather than sad.
On one hand, eternity in darkness. Feel kinda bad.
On the other, he's is so unbearably maudlin and without any resolution from start to finish that I feel the distinct urge to slap him.

oh. that poor forgotten dunsparce

*Sniff*

I like the way you've written this story. You do a good job relaying the various thoughts and feelings of this Dunsparce, and I like the way the pokemon has his own names for everything, since it's not realistic that he would use all the same names as humans would. On the other hand, if that's the case then how does the Dunsparce understand the language used by his trainer and the PC system as a whole?

One aspect of the story that I don't quite get has to do with some of the capitalizations you used. I can see how the names the Dunsparce has given things would be capitalized, but why did you capitalize more generic words like "him" or "captor," which are much vaguer?

I also think that the earlier parts of the story, which simply describe how the Dunsparce doesn't want to be confined and would rather go out and explore the wild, are more fitting than the later bits, in which he talks about emotions and dreams. He says at one point "I yearn for the chance to experience real emotion again," but all the things he later talks about feeling in any given situation, whether good or bad, are emotions-fear and despair are just as much emotions as happiness and love. Some of them also seem a bit redundant, since sadness and despair mean approximately the same thing, as do happiness and joy.

He also later says "I exist so that one day I may live again," and talks of "his dream being realized." I was a bit confused by this because it makes it seem like he has a bit more agency here, whereas it seems like the overarching point of the story is that he's trapped in a PC box and can't get out or do much of anything without a trainer's help. What might have communicated the point a little better would be more talk of just how he "wishes" or "hopes" that someday he can be free again. However, this may be mostly semantic preference.

One final point that I've thought of is whether there are other pokemon in the box, and how this situation affects them. There must be other pokemon there; is there something that prevents them from interacting with one another?

So, consider me the litmus test as to whether this makes sense to someone outside the canon.

It does. I understand what's going on here (Pokemon captured and put inside a Pokeball, and being less than thrilled with it). I had to look up what type of Pokemon it was, but minus a vague reference or two like the 'drill-tail,' I don't think that knowledge is necessary to understand the fic as a whole. If you wanted it to be entirely comprehensible without Wiki, maybe toss a 'serpentine' somewhere where it'll look all right.

The description works, and the list of things the Pokemon misses upon being put into a Pokeball don't have a 'list' effect, which is good - given the brevity of the fic, you can't afford anything coming off as a list.

I'm not sure about the caps at the start on Captor, Furless Two-Legs, because you don't have caps anywhere else that isn't a proper name. They jump out a bit at me. If you want to use them, I'd slip in a reference to them towards the end as well, so that it doesn't feel like a one-off.

Just some thoughts. All in all, I understood what was going on, and it was enjoyable to read even without knowing a lick of the canon. Nice, descriptive language, and an appropriate length - 1,000 words of self-pity about the situation would have dragged, so good job knowing where to end it, too.

Well done! Hope this helps somewhat.

***

SPAG (SPelling And Grammar):

never-ending

where the dark was real, and the great glowing moon

miss the comfort of the noise all around me, from the wing beats and screeches of the No-Eye Bats, to the pounding of the Rock Faces' fists against the rocks, to the soft clicks and chirps of the bugs buzzing in the open sky. (commas for each clause)