There were a couple of grammatical errors ("then, he added," "andI") and awkward redundancies ("one last afterthought"). However, they were few and far between, so they didn't detract much from the narrative.
On a more positive note, I know that the "said" thing bothers a lot of writers, and I could see that you were taking pains to handle it well. Some people just use synonyms at random, but yours actually added to the narrative. (The "explained - added - said told" sequence at the beginning of the game was particularly smooth.) The suggestion of canon in Nathan and Kristin's conversation was neither exclusionary nor exhaustive.

I can picture the camaraderie of the team at the beginning here. There is no official debrief necessary. It all happened naturally around the dinner table, friends talking to friend about the topic of the day. I’m glad Kristin was forewarned about the kinds of questions she was going to get slammed with, even though it was completely unintentional and probably highly irregular. I wonder what the interrogators would have done if they had known.
Oh, Ben, poker games aren’t going to fix everything! You’re going to need to dig deeper into your bag of tricks to keep up team morale throughout this ordeal. Good luck to you.
Kristin’s answer “I think we all can have a temper at times” was just what I would have said. It answered Vasquez’s question while giving absolutely nothing away. But he and his partner are there to do a job and to do it at any cost. I very quickly felt like I could throttle Vasquez and Castillo! They twisted Kristin’s words to mean something she didn’t (“Couples argue all the rime” became “a man can love his wife and possibly harm her) and rephrased questions to get the answers they wanted. I hope for Kristin’s sake they can’t use any of her words against Nathan.

Oh no! Now it’s official! He is a person of interest –sighs in disgust- Detective Vasquez sure does work fast, doesn’t he? I wonder why he was so quick to point out to Captain Bridger that she didn’t have to be there. It may be a simple personality clash, or possibly something more sinister –eyes Detective suspiciously-
I would have thought the whole house would have been tested for blood during the first investigation. Somebody screwed that up in a major way –eyes Detective even more suspiciously-
I’m with Lucas on this one. Who could be patient at a time like this? The adrenaline and uncertainty would not be conducive to any sort of rest.
Ben is doing a great job as morale officer in this chapter. I like the symmetry in that he chose a poker game, just as Nathan had done previously.
I hope Jake does a thorough job and doesn’t cut corners in his part of the investigation just because “they want this case solves yesterday”. I hope his twenty or more years of friendship with the Bridgers is more important to him than pandering to the bureaucracy.
Ah, the two worlds are colliding! Bring on the interviews.

And with Mary no longer a reliable resource, it looks like the diary is back at the forefront of things. Although it seems that Jake thinks he needs neither to defend Nathan. It also seems like Ben’s go-to solution for every situation is more poker. :p

It’s nice to see some of the crew disturbed by their visit with Mary. While we’ve seen how some of the characters are easily affected by the surrounding events, it’s good to know that no one is utterly unfazed. It lends a bit more realism to the characters when no one is truly unshakable. And it would seem Ben is as suspicious of Jake as he is supportive of poker. He’s consistent, and it certainly gives support for any one of the readers who might have their own suspicions as well.

When Jake met with Nathan, I had almost expected more of a reaction out of Nathan with the news of the diary and Mary. I suppose at this juncture, there’s little reason to get emotional over things, and a cooler head would likely be preferential considering he’s about to step in front of a judge. I guess it’s a matter of whether his rational side can outweigh his emotional side.

With the admiral visiting Nathan, instead of a meeting between two old friends, we have a messenger delivering bad news. Things seem to be getting worse far quicker than things are getting better. The UEO wanting Nathan out was always a threat dangling over the character’s head, but now it seems all but certain. This exchange does a nice job of capturing two different viewpoints: sticking to ones convictions, and acting according to public perception.

And the conversation between Kristin and Nathan later returns to the familiar dynamic of optimism versus pessimism. After all that’s been laid upon him, Nathan starts to come to terms with the inevitability that he won’t be let go. But instead of pure dejection, he accepts his fate out of a care for those surrounding him. Though he doesn’t want to see anyone else hurt, that was the true inevitability all along. Whether he decides to continue fighting or not, the people who care for him are going to get hurt.

Things end on a down note, as is to be expected after all that’s happened. And with the story past its half-way point, seeing where it goes from here will be interesting to say the least. Just as the content of the diary urged the reader on earlier, now they have the content of the letters to look forward to.

Well, that was unexpected. The contents of the diary certainly weren’t what I thought they’d be, considering the build up to it. And yet, it is because of that that the item almost provides more questions than answers. Why was it in a different place? Why does it contain things that would be damning if revealed? It all serves to build the intrigue and suspense, rather than have it wash away the moment the diary was discovered and read. And it has the added effect of instilling doubt in the characters, who have up until this point been unshakable in their faith. Only Lucas remains amongst those who utterly believe in Nathan. Which, of course, create a new conflict between him and Kristin. What was supposed to make everything better has had the effect of making everything worse, a fine twist at this particular length into the story.

Moving forward, we get to meet Malcom (or see his return, for those already familiar with the character), another old friend of Nathan’s. And it’s nice to see him serve such an important purpose in the story. So it seems all the questions and doubts about the diary were completely justified. I thought it fairly obvious that something was ‘off’, but the exact nature of it remained a mystery until confirmation.

Another rather abrupt transition. After the previous two setting got bolded titles, I had expected the next one to have one too.

Time for a new character to be introduced, and an interesting one at that. An old acquaintance, and not one of Nathan’s. And someone who suffered a mental breakdown. Certainly a change from the usual cast of people introduced. And the interaction that followed was certainly distinct from any other in the story.

And thus, after only one chapter, you manage to outdo yourself in the cliffhanger/twist department. ;)

More questions. More ways to interpret the information given. It’ll be interesting to see where this all leads.

It seems I was wrong. Kristin’s feelings for Nathan obviously aren’t a one-sided infatuation as I had previously thought. I see now that the affections are definitely reciprocated )
It was interesting how you started the chapter in the middle of a scene. I often struggle with where to split scenes and begin chapters. I found it to be a very natural place to break the scene and form a new chapter –files example away for later use-
For a bureaucrat, the Admiral actually seems to be quite a nice guy. The fact that he would be willing to go all the way out to “the island” just to stop Nathan from becoming a hermit speaks higly of both his character and their friendship.
I am presuming there is also a special relationship between Lucas and Nathan. I am making this assumption based on the private nature of their meeting, the fact that they hugged each other before parting, but mostly the fact their meeting was the only meeting you chronicled, so it was obviously the most important one to you. I am wondering about their relationship, though, considering Nathan called Lucas “Kiddo.” It makes me wonder if there is a familial kinship here, and that would explain their closeness.
I wonder how the crew will fare now that their Captain is gone? I sense there could be some dramatic interpersonal scenes ahead –bites lip pensively-

A reunion with Nathan sounds great. It’ll certainly be interesting to see how the various characters react to seeing him again. And the fact that even the idea of getting the opportunity was enough to lift peoples’ spirits was nice. Seeing Kristin and Lucas, in particular, feeling bright and energetic was a refreshing change of pace.

A plea bargain, eh? Certainly an interesting development. It’s good to see the fight hasn’t completely left Nathan. He’s still willing to oppose the claims against him, maintaining his innocence even under dire circumstances. His emphasis on the diary really drives home the point of it affecting his fate, turning it from an item of some significance to one integral to the plot.

The meetings Nathan has with his friends serves as an interesting analogue to the questioning done by the detectives earlier in the story. Being called in, one by one. Being asked a series of questions. But here we have almost the opposite feeling and effect. It’s nice that Lucas got to see him first. He’s likely the one who needed the contact the most. And Kristin’s meeting was heartwarming. Though each meeting was brief, they had a lot of feeling behind them, and it was nice to see Lucas and Kristin get the chance to chat with Nathan after being separated. The feeling of softness and warmth in the scene was a nice alternative to the drama and suspense that had led to the current situation.

And so the diary is discovered. It was a nice bit of thinking that led them to it, and the fact that it came from Kristin was satisfying. And as far as cliffhangers go, I can safely say this one was one of the most powerful. ;)

Well, it’s good to see that Ben seems to be rather good at his job as morale officer. Nice to see the characters in high-spirits, even if some of them are likely forcing themselves into such a state. With the poker game now in-progress, it’s interesting to see things are already in high-stakes mode, and with the addition of Jake there’s an unfamiliar element to what had previously been a nice, relaxing pastime. Jake’s character gets a bit more development, as we see a bit of cockiness underlying his previous cordiality. Which made Kristin’s eventual win a touch more satisfying.

And after the poker game, we’re back to the investigation. The shift in Jake when he became serious showed that he isn’t all pleasantries. And with the call to leave the boat, it seems we’ll be getting to explore some new settings, or least with a new assortment of characters there. With Nathan at risk of losing his credentials, the stakes are rising, forcing the others to act with haste, having been given a timeline of two weeks. This keeps things from stalling out, but doesn't impose any overly harsh conditions on the characters to get them moving.

Moving forward, it would seem that Ben is becoming an integral part of the story, which is nice. Getting more characters in on the main storyline goes to show the many dynamics and relationships amongst the seaQuest crew. Between the poker games and his suspicions of Jake, he acts as an excellent guide to his fellow characters, as well as the plot itself. He manages to bring about events naturally, and in a way that doesn’t feel like an excuse to move the story along.

There aren’t much developments in the investigation, but I suppose no information is information in itself. It’s nice that things aren’t being rushed. It allows for the drama and suspense to build. There are more questions than answers, which is good for this type of story. And with the story not yet half-way over, so it’ll be interesting to see what comes next.

It’s interesting to see just how profound an impact Nathan’s absence is having on Kristin. She doesn’t feel as enthusiastic about her work as usual, but she’s willing to throw herself deep into it in the hopes that it takes her mind off things. And when she’s successful, she winds up totally losing track of her surroundings, sealing herself off in her own little world.

The continuous use of the poker games provides a sense of stability, and it’ll be interesting how the next one turns out compared to the previous ones.

You do a good job familiarizing the reader with Nathan’s current arrangements. There’s enough detail to get a good picture of his cell, and the people surrounding it. Same with the next scene in the yard. The introduction of a fresh character to the story is always a treat, and having someone for Nathan to interact with is a good way of keeping things interesting. You did job giving Mickey a distinct voice, without overdoing the Brooklyn accent/dialect. And with him and Nathan, you’ve got yet another relationship for the reader to observe and watch develop, and it’ll be interesting seeing how their interactions differ from the ones we’ve seen before.

Back aboard the seaQuest, it’s great that we get to see more of Jake in person. Right off the bat, he’s interesting. Kind, charming, jovial, trustworthy. A stark contrast to the detectives in both character and profession. And after only really getting an introduction to him in this chapter, it leaves the reader interested in what will come.

And with the ending comes poker. It’s obvious Karin is still worrisome about the entire situation, not wanting anything to slow down the potential investigation. And that eagerness held up against Jake’s almost lackadaisical attitude provides another contrast, and one that’ll certainly carry forward as the story continues. As always, you manage to choose excellent points to end each chapter.

I liked the beginning here, with Kristin forcing herself to put on a bright face, doing what she can to protect Lucas from the truth, at least from the time being. After their last exchange ended with Lucas being told he could talk about anything, it’s an interesting view of the roles they have in their relationship as Kristin holds back for the time being. And the bit with Levin just shows how the team always tries to accommodate one another, doing what they can to make each other's lives easier.

The short segment of no dialogue, in which Kristin is left alone with her thoughts was particularly powerful. It showed how her character is self-sacrificial, in that she’ll often put the well-being and feelings of others above her own self. So long as she felt others depended on her, and they did, she could not afford to falter.

The initial conversation between Kristin and Lucas went about how I expected, momentarily pleasant before the worry starts to take over. It’s good to see Lucas is perceptive enough to pick up on the fact that things are wrong. After they relocate to the personal quarters, things continue to be heavy, a wide variety of emotions presenting themselves. It was nice to see that Lucas didn’t outright reject the bad news, because he very well could have. It speaks to how close Kristin and him are, to how much he trusts her. And the shift in their relationship that’s been mostly one-way up into this point was nice. After seeing Kristin take on burden after burden throughout it story, it’s great to see others offer her the same support she so readily gives.

And though the scene ends with Kristin alone and crying, there’s still an element of warmth as she is finally allowed to release her emotions, instead of keeping them bottled for the sake of others.

And transitioning into Cancun, I see things are still progressing on the investigation/jailing front. There was a bit of awkwardness in some of Jake’s dialogue. When describing the jail to Nathan, there were a few too many ‘but’s and ‘and’s in close proximity. The details about the differences are probably important, but having them all scrunched together in one expository paragraph can make it read a bit awkwardly.

It’s nice to see things end with the idea of Nathan’s side getting to do some investigating of their own. After everything being characterized by powerlessness, shifting things toward figuring out the truth keeps things interesting and provides a bit of hope.

So I still don’t know if Nathan is suspected of his wife’s murder (screams of frustration abound!) Oh well, time will tell, I hope. I guess I just need to be patient (
I like the “He couldn’t believe it. He was obviously in shock. He had to sit down” triad. Each sentence is so short and simple, yet together they form a picture of Nathan, who in the last chapter definitely an in-charge kind of guy, being totally shattered by the news that his wife’s death was being investigated again.
“Then, his mind wandered to the crew. He knew if it weren’t for them, he wouldn’t have been able to put his past behind him.” I don’t know the backstory to his wife’s death and its aftermath, but this clearly shows that the crew are a tight-knit group and are fiercely loyal to their Captain. It also shows that the feelings go both ways. I sincerely hope that continues because I fear that will be the only way Nathan will come through this with his sanity intact.
“Kristin called again” Thank goodness for Kristin’s perseverance. Too bad her judgment slipped almost straight away when she took him at his word and decided not to go after him. I’m not sure whether this decision is based on her overwhelming trust in Nathan, or an infatuation she has with him. I hope it is the former, and her lapse in judgment does not have any lasting adverse effects on their relationship.
“You have nothing better to do . . . I’m sure we’ll see some drama soon enough” I’m sure Kristin will be kicking herself for her words soon enough. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy.
“Westphalen” – finally Kristin has a surname (sighs in relief at finally being able to get to know Kristin properly).
“He was sitting in his chair, his head in his hands” Poor Nathan, what a complete turnaround from how he was presented in the last chapter. His crew have every right to be concerned about him.
“Admiral Noyce has called twice, but the captain’s refused his calls” I imagine that it is a grievous breach of protocol for a Captain to refuse to speak to an Admiral. I don’t imagine that they would look too kindly on this insubordination. I only hope Kirstin can smooth things over when she speaks to the Admiral herself.
“I’d like to keep this between us three.” Nice wish, mate, but I’m not sure that that is going to be possible with the Captain in the state he is currently in. As you said, “eventually the whole boat will find out about this.” So why not now? Why leave it to gossip and unofficial investigations? Bureaucrats! Hmph! (rant over!)
“Bill shook his head.” This confused me because, in my country, shaking your head denotes disagreement, but it seems that in this case they are agreeing. All I can presume is that in your country a shake of the head means you agree?
“She could see his eyes glistening” This must have quite a shock to the poor girl. No wonder she was close tears herself.
“I already know I’m the prime suspect” I almost cried myself when I read that. Hopefully he’s wrong (crosses fingers).
“I could help you pack” Are they really going to make him leave the boat? (disgusted face) I thought that was just an idle threat. Oh well, if it happens, it’s going to be interesting to see what direction you go in. Are you going to follow Nathan, the boat, or both?
Uh oh! A solitary boat ride, a silent radio, and a broken banister. It certainly is not looking good for our Captain at the moment!

Heh, it may be a weird thing to admit, but I always love breakfast scenes. ;)

The chapter starts with a nice, pleasant scene, with Kristin making coffee and breakfast, about to be picked up by Crocker and taken back to the seaQuest. Fairly innocuous… which made the turn toward things more passionate all the more striking and effective. The culmination of all the care and support and love leading up to this point was well-executed and believable. And the dialogue surrounding it remained a treat. The subtle stammering showed that what occurred was something special, something capable of utterly impacting the two characters. And the fact that neither character possessed absolute certainty regarding the situation was interesting.

Things transitioned well as the focus returns to the investigation. The intrigue builds as thing move forward and action is finally taken against Nathan. His subdued response to being taken in speaks to his character, showing that he knows when to fight and when to just go along with things. And after what had just occurred between Nathan and Kristin, the sequence of events certainly manages to build the tension and drama, even with the captain’s compliance.

Moving to the scene between Kristin and Lucas, it’s interesting to see a slightly different type of relationship, yet one similarly strained by the current events. Lucas’ response to feelings of loss and abandonment come across well here. And it shows a contrast to how others in the story have reacted to being separated from someone they care about. Characters of different personalities and ages express their emotions in different ways, which is always good to see.

And with the ending, it would seem that even more changes are afoot. Knowledge of Nathan’s arrest. The threat of him being replaced aboard the seaQuest. It all serves to remind of the potential consequences of what’s currently happening. It challenges the optimism that everything will turn out right. And it provides an even heavier burden for the already stressed characters to bear. And by ending the chapter on the topic of Lucas, you keep the conversation he had with Kristin fresh in the reader’s mind, and it’s believable that it’d be on Kristin’s mind as well. And after he felt torn apart, only to be comforted back to a somewhat normal state, wondering how Lucas will react makes for a fine cliffhanger indeed.

Back to poker again, I see. :p

My first thoughts actually came in regards to the author’s note. I definitely didn’t feel things were moving slow (then again, I’ve the privilege of having all the chapters at my fingertips, rather than having to wait on an update schedule). If anything, it thought a few sections moved a little too fast. For me, delving deeper into the characters, getting to see them interact, watching their relationships develop and change… that IS the story. But I’ll admit, the promise of action, suspense, and mystery ahead is alluring. ;)

Things are getting set up nicely, but even though brief, the most interesting part of the opening passages was Kristin in her room, trying and failing to reach Nathan. The fact the she was willing to delay her activities aboard the seaQuest to check up on Nathan is a nice and quick indicator of her current priorities.

It was fun seeing things come back down to Ben and Kristin in the poker game. The extremely rare hand being beaten by an ever more rare hand was a touch cliché, but not to the point of detracting from the story. ;)

Again Kristin tries to contact Nathan, and again she’s unsuccessful. The fact that she’s now willing to leave a message is a good indicator of the escalation in the worry she’s currently feeling. Already, the suspense is beginning to build, and the revelation that the date was the anniversary of Carol’s death was an interesting development.

Like before, I feel the transitions between scenes can come off as a bit abrupt. With only a single sentence, Kristin and Crocker are in a launch heading for the Yucatan. But after they do make the transition, what a powerful shift. The uncertainty builds and builds all the way up to the harsh realization. Once more, Nathan has taken on a different emotional state than the chapters prior. Bitter. Unfiltered. On the verge of being broken.

The scene where Nathan injuries his hand and Kristin patches him up not only reinforces how much she cares for him, but actually provides a physical manifestation of the support she has sought to offer since the beginning of the story. After the shift into the next morning, you provide a nice, calm tone as the pair talk to one another. The interaction builds on the previous day, and does a fine job showing off more of each character. Kristin, though continually offering her support, is not passive in her approach. Nathan is capable of regret, and truly appreciates the support he’s receiving.

Hi, Dark! Rhino here –hugs- I am completely fandom blind in regards to this story, so please forgive me if I get anything wrong )
What a brilliant beginning, having someone hearing “Don’t worry, I’ll go slow” just as they come upon a couple. Awkward! It made me feel sorry for the guy, and gave me an instant emotional connection to the group.
“We won’t be playing for real money” I’m glad that, for whatever reason, Nathan protected Kristin from the Lieutenant. I’m now interested to find out the exact nature of the relationship between these two.
“thinking about the last few days” is another engaging hook. I want to continue reading just find out what it is that Kristin is remembering and why she is so tired and who this James character is.
“Nathan chuckled.” Didn’t Nathan come to regret that reaction when Kristin won that first game, especially as he’d just asked her “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”! –giggles-
He did redeem himself in my estimation with his reaction to Kristin’s confession of her appreciation for him. It was sweet how he made her feel at ease for talking to him about her feelings, instead of making a big deal out of it and having her feel even more embarrassed and possibly choose to cease their friendship altogether.
Having a card game is a very effective way to introduce a lot of characters in a short amount of time. I just hope I can keep them all straight in my head )
Personal slave for a week? I like how Katie and Lucas think! I wonder who the lucky (or unlucky) person will be, and what their Master will make them do? I look forward to finding that out -rubs hands in anticipation-
Ooh, Ben has to be Kristin’s slave! Nice! –laughs gleefully-
“Well, breakfast in bed isn’t a bad start. AndI suppose my room could use a good cleaning.” These ideas are good for a start but I hope she comes up with some more adventurous ones. I have also found what seems to be a typographical error in the part. I believe “AndI should be “And I”.
Ooh, Nathan visits Kristin just because he is bored. The plot thickens!
Oh no, please don’t tell me that they think Nathan murdered his wife? –shudders-
I’m so glad Kristin wasn’t there to hear that. Looking forward to seeing what happens next )

Having the crew members chatting in the mess hall made for a fine alternative to depicting the actual questioning of each person. It avoids a lot of what I would assume would be repetitive/formulaic questions from the detectives directed toward a somewhat large group of people. Instead, we get the distilled reactions of the regular crew members. And since we get that distillation, we get a much clearer representation of these characters’ relationships with Nathan, how they view him, how they’d describe him. Of course the most important person, or at least the most integral to the current story being told, has yet to be questioned.

The banter between the crew remains believable, and a high-point of the story. Ben’s subtle attempts at comforting/lifting everyone’s spirits was a nice touch (asking about the salad, asking if they needed another poker game, downplaying the detectives).

The conversation between Kristin and the detectives does a good job of reinforcing the ideas she has about Nathan, as well as providing a little bit of exposition. The reader is reminded that they’ve known each other for three months. That Nathan can have a temper, but then again, everyone can. That the two have talked about Carol before. Kristin's interactions with Rubin Zellar.

Moving to after the questioning, it’s interesting to see how affected by the questioning Kristin was. She appears to have taken it harder than the rest of the crew, speaking to her relationship with Nathan. And the fact that the she worries more about how he’s doing rather than her own well-being when she calls him speaks a great deal about her character.

The ending conversation served as a nice wrap up for the events of the chapter. And the fact that Kristin continues to offer her support, and Nathan continues to show an appreciation for it, was a nice note to end on.