I was 12 years old when I first came across Jaded. It was only 3 chapters long at that point. I read the first chapter and it shattered some of the innocence of my age. A year or so later I returned to it and read through the 2nd chapter. I still couldn't handle it. I hated it for so many reasons. For so much anguish and depression. For destroying a character that meant so much to me. I saw that it was a Jurato, and I was and have always been a Rukato fan. For making me aware of the self-hatred that can inhabit people, which I would later battle myself. I returned to Jaded tonight to face it like a man. An author now myself and now trying to become an high school English teacher... I wanted to face this story so it would no longer haunt me. First of all, this is not a flame. This is a critique. I really enjoyed the short chapters. I write very, VERY long chapters (for example, some of my chapters are longer in length than this whole story was), but I have always been drawn to stories that have short, attention-grabbing chapters. I find them very intriguing. This story is extremely dark and I have to imagine you felt, knew or maybe, perhaps, even experienced some of these emotions that you wrote about. At the same time, however, there was a strong presence of Dues Ex Machina. I glanced over more recent reviews and the people who are upset at your portrayal of Henry as a lustful, sexual psychotic rapist and they have every right to be mad. That is like Dues Ex Machina to the MAX. You completely warped his character. Henry was a black belt who believed in order and justice and doing what is right. Holding his best friend hostage by knife-point and raping him is so OOC it's painful to even read. You did a wonderful job with Takato. It was simply magnificent the way he slowly fell apart and seeped into a shadow of nothingness.

However, there were some major plot holes in your story that hindered it. First, Guilmon's death. Nothing wrong with killing him off but the way you did it was absurd. Guilmon and Terriermon were good friends... he would not just destroy him on sight. He would try and get in his way, to stop him and try to make sense of what was happening. And what's worse, Guilmon accusing Henry, *out loud* with *the other tamers RIGHT THERE* that Henry had hurt Takato and then he’s deleted wouldn’t raise the slightest suspicions in the fellow tamers as to “hey… what the f/ck was that?” At the very least, they would get angry at Henry, go find Takato and he, in such a fragile state, would immediately confess as to what had just progressed. Secondly, the ending. I realize I am using the phrase “Dues Ex Machina” very loosely, because it usually refers to the end of a story, but this is where it means exactly what it’s suppose to mean. A *blind* Takato escapes from a hospital, going undetected? Hardly worth my time to read anything he chooses to do when he escapes because it is so implausible. But to navigate the city and *traffic?* (after being hit by a car earlier that day when he *could* see?) It’s just out of control, seriously. Then, to top it all off… the actual ending. Takato murders Henry, then, weak and recently raped, again, still recovering from a car accident earlier that day, and he somehow escapes Jeri? She is then found “many hours later,” only to be “released early” so she can find Takato? I understand the importance of her in the plot but no doctor would ever permit a teenage girl recently raped to just up and leave the hospital so she could find her friend. Oh, and all the while during those many hours plus the time to the hospital plus the time at the hospital plus the time back to Guilmon’s hideout plus finding Takato when she was unsuccessful before… and this whole time Takato has been cutting himself and he is still not dead? Did he go into God Mode or Superman-Lite? How much blood is in this kid? But what is perhaps the largest plot hole is what is missed with Henry’s death. Jeri is found hours later with Henry. Henry, as we know, is very much dead. You mean to tell me no one is going to stick around and find out where this presumably dangerous-killer is? Wouldn’t Henry’s parents want some retribution for their son’s murder? His dead body would immediately dub it a crime scene, and someone would have found out from Jeri it was Takato and that he had recently been in a car accident and wouldn’t have gotten far. That person then would have found Takato and rushed him to the hospital. He would have been saved, charged with murder but ultimately released on self-defense and put into some sort of therapy or asylum for suicidal tendency. It would have been international news. Instead… Takato just chills out, cutting his God Mode wrists just waiting for Jeri to come find him and then he’s all like “Okay, time to catch that elusive last breath.” Really, really ridiculous.

Okay… that was really flame-ish. I am really sorry. Now for the positive notes.

Like I said, I dealt with a little self-hatred myself (we’re not gonna delve into that) so a lot of some of Takato’s early emotions and actions I can relate with. The character, inherently angst from the story’s get-go is extremely relatable to ALL teenagers reading this story because no matter who you are, where you’re from, what your story is… fact of the matter is EVERYONE deals with bullshit. Everyone has problems. Everyone deals with trauma and angst and sorrow. Absolutely everyone. So Takato’s lonesome character is very well written because anyone jumping on board with this story will immediately find solace in him. People can release their own sorrow by relating with Takato’s pain and living through it. But you did a great job of making his pain un-relatable. There are many things to be considered ‘a fate worse than death’ (such as being buried alive in a coffin, watching someone you love die, etc) and rape certainly sits somewhere near the top of the list. The emotional and physical pain and trauma associated with it is unspeakable. People rarely comeback from rape the same person they were before. So here’ how it goes; someone if feeling angst-y, goes to read Jaded and finds solace in Takato. They realize his pain is something much more profound then their own and understand that they could never understand what he is going through. They immediately feel better about the shit they’re dealing with. It’s really brilliant, and it takes a good writer to pull that off. What’s more, the progression of the story is amazing. How you slowly but swiftly revealed more and more of the missing pieces as to what happened to Takato, why he hates himself, why he hates his friends, where the hell is Guilmon? You did an awesome job of releasing the facts of the story in due time, but also, simultaneously demonstrating the fundamental breakdown of Takato Matsuda. Again, it takes a great writer to achieve all of that.

All in all, this is a great story. I am glad I could come back and read it at a time when I would better understand it than when it was first released. I hope you continue your writing because I can tell you are good and will only/probably have already only gotten better.

Oh, and by the way;

Rukato Forever!

Sincerely,

Notorious P.A.T.

wow this was a great story i enjoyed reading it

I knew it. Jenrya's going down. (Takato and Juri hold me back) Until next time, Mukuro Out

Yay, Takato hasn't completely lost himself! If he still loves Jeri, than he will change. But he will always hate "That Person" with all his heart. However, I believe in Takato. He can do it! On to the next chapters... and then the world... Until next time,

Mukuro Out

I don't want to seem rude, but it is kind of obvious that it's Jenrya/Henry. He was the only one who didn't talk when they were at the hospital, so he must have something to hide, like, say, rape? But, on the other hand, Takato's being a bit to drastic about tis. What's a little rape between friends? Until next time,

Mukuro Out

Oh do I like this one word that I liked the most was "Anguish", Such a beautiful word. I'm going to like this fanfic. Only wish there where more like this.

This is my third time reading this story and I loved it! I practically cried the first two times. Then again, living happy makes you 'uncryable'. Oh well. This story got me into the this website!

great story

before i say what im gonna say gotta tell you

THIS IS NOT A FLAME!

right yeah well i really really really hate jurato's but this fic completly changed my opinion this fic ROCKED and the ending was perfect. i cant write stories at all so i really admire you for this fic

all in all SUPER

[breath]

Why in the fuck would Jenrya rape Takato?

Okay, got that out of my chest. Soz, but he is my favourite tamer and I hate people who say nasty stuff about him or Davis.

Well, it's a good story. Keep up the hard work!

I don't know if I reviewed this fic already, so I might be reviewing it again. I read it awhile ago and just wondered why it wasn't in my favorites, because that's what this fic is, one of my favorites. I enjoyed this fic, even thought the ending was kinda sad, but I'm glad Juri got her wish and that Takato came back. You are a wonderful writer.

oh my god, i'm sobbing...that was really really good. yup. ok, i gotta go get a tissue...

So so sad! i actually CRIED! i didn't want it to end like this though. And my last 2 words: pure talent.

I'm always been a fan of season 3 angst. But this

Death fics always make me sad. I'm crying.. argh. And the people who die are ALWAYS my favorite characters! Takato and Takuya! I love them to DEATH. But, they always die in fan fics. Oh well. *holds up that corny flag Takato made at the begining of Tamers* WOOHOO!

the leo thing with jeri and the time travel gift thingymabober was mine I told you my name was anonymous or whatever (jacobt107 is my screen name