I am completely fandom blind, but this did not hinder my understanding of the story; also, I have read other stories in the fandom, so I do understand there tends to be a lot of war.

Though it was gruesome, I really appreciated the description of the blood and gore, as it showed the dire situation of the village. I also love that the narrator, Itachi, acknowledges that he will probably never be able to wash the blood off his hands. I love that particular description because it's as though it's etched into his memory...so I really love that shows how very detrimental this war is, both to body and mind. And while you never give specific ages (and I don't think that's really needed), I get the sense that he is a bit older than the other boy. However, I really liked the relationship between them, as it's so sweet and innocent, as a relationship between children would be. And just like most children, in the midst of war, it doesn't matter what side the other is on, just that they both need the comfort. And I really love that message. Unfortunately, that comfort is very short-lived as they're found by an enemy.

It seems like a godsend when Itachi's father saves them, but he then tears the two apart, and it's a rather sad and intense moment. I completely understand Itachi's feelings because I'm assuming he never got to know what happened to the other boy. Not only that, I really love that he's haunted about the stranger's hand curled up in his. That's a simple yet tragic feeling, and it really wraps up this story and leaves the reader feeling exactly what he does.

With that said, I did notice a few tense changes here and there. You start out in past tense, and then you quickly shift to first person, and it's a bit jarring. I'm not sure if you're interesting in revising the story, but if so, might I suggest making it all one tense? It will make the effect less jarring and much smoother.

There were also some missing commas. One area I noticed was here: Father stood katana red with blood.-Father stood, katana red with blood.

And this sentence seems to have a missing word: The hand of a stranger, who could have been a foe, was at the moment, wrapped around I could not care less.-The hand of a stranger, who could have been a foe, was at the moment, wrapped around mine, and I could not care less.

Also, there was one little typo: You too are just delicious looking.-You two are just delicious looking.

Overall, the story concept was really well done and really touched my heart. With a bit of cleaning up, it would make the tale that much better, but this was still a great read. Well done. :)

Hi, Tobi is a good boy! Rhino here –hugs- I am completely fandom-blind for this story, so please forgive me any canon ignorance.
Less is more. Actually, in this case, least is most! Your one word opening “Blood” said everything that needed to be said to warn me that this story would not be pretty, and yet it compelled me to read on.
Your description of the eyes as being “open” and “unseeing” but also “following me” was especially disturbing, as it made me feel the terror that the child must have been feeling to be alone in a place like that.
I can’t think of a word greater than terror, but whatever this unnamed emotion is, it sounds like it doesn’t even come close to what the child was feeling when everything shifted. They had no idea who or what was going to appear, and since their “hands were shaking” the katana would have been far less effective as a weapon. Yet they faced the danger. Very brave!
The first spoken words were in the form of a question “Was it you who . . .” This question was never finished, and it has left me pondering what it was the child did. I don’t actually think I want to find out though. Especially if it meant they had been actively involved in the fighting somehow. That would be even more heart-breaking.
I wonder if the Ninja was stalking them, just waiting for them to come together to find comfort in each other in their shared fear before they carried out their dastardly plan.
I was relieved when the father came to rescue his child, but sickened and confused when he ignored the pleas of the second child. How he could leave a child in that situation is beyond my comprehension. Maybe if he had taken them, his own child would not have any memories to “haunt” them.
A beautiful story that I will not soon forget!

Hi! Congrats on the nomination! I'm not very familiar with Naruto, but I'll do my best to review.

The italicized 'Blood' is a great opening. It gives a sense that something bad is happening, and is a great hook. Then the descriptions and visualization are great (scattered bodies, scavengers). They fit to the descriptions of war and are really disturbing (in a good way).

If it were not war, he would have probably been holding a teddy bear or a blanket to his chest. Instead, like me, he held a kunai.
- I love how this paragraph contrast the difference between the children who went to war or not. Very true. War shatters a child's innocence.

The moment the Iwa ninja appears is creepy (his voice, his smile; they all add to his menacing appearance). And Itachi's dad entrance is well-described. I can practically visualize the ninja's death (and that's really a disturbing description, in a good way).

The last few lines are especially powerful. Forced separation is tragic, and Itachi is still dwelling on the warmth of the child's hands.

I really love how you can keep the atmosphere of a bloody war until the end. Your word choice and descriptions are just excellent.

The sentences flowed very well until the end, although I noticed a few grammatical hiccups here:
"Oh," he smiled gruesomely at us, "You too are just delicious looking."
- Because 'smile' isn't indicating that someone is talking, the speech ends with a period. And I think it's 'two' instead of 'too'? Because the ninja is facing Itachi and the boy. So I think this: "Oh." He smiled gruesomely at us. "You two are just delicious-looking." would work better
Father stood katana red with blood.
- Something appears to be missing here. Maybe: "Father stood, his katana red with blood."
- Minor stuff: I may consider omitting 'desperately' after 'The boy began to wail', because 'wail' has shown the boy's desperation, and 'desperately' makes it redundant.

I enjoy this despite not being very familiar with Naruto. :)

Hiya! Congrats on the nomination! I am unfortunately canon-blind in this. But I did watch two episodes. Does that count?

Anyways, onto the review we go!

At the start, I know something is wrong. There is blood everywhere, bodies everywhere, and I can almost pick up the smell of the rotting flesh. The character is definitely in shock by the way he is acting. Blood can be very traumatic especially if you’re not used to it. The little boy that appears in front of him does make my heart drop a bit. Seeing a child in a middle of a battle scene is quite sad, but placing the main character to take care of him, to protect him, you can already see the bond forming. The holding the hand like a big brother would a little brother and doing all he can to protect him from the Iwa ninja.

I really like your first line. [Blood] It’s italicized too, adding meaning, adding tension, and adding emotion. We know something is happening, something bad. A war and it isn’t a good sign at all. It also hooks the reader into want more. I already ask myself what is happening.

[Bodies were scattered about, thrown like useless toys] really good use of a simile here as well as great concrete imagery. [Scavenger birds picked on the rotting flesh] Very nice use of sense here! I can almost smell the disgusting stench of the flesh.

[A red I would never be able to wash off] He is clearly shaken from this. Proving in his next dialogue. When I first saw this line I immediately thought of Macbeth and washing his hand, but going crazy from still seeing blood on his hands.

[The boy wrapped his hand around mine.] Very great imagery. But also very great symbolism! The holding hands can represent brotherhood.

[Father stood katana read with blood] This sentence seems a bit awkward. I think you’re missing a comma between ‘stood’ and ‘katana’. But I was very shocked when the Ninja was actually his father. I can’t still if this is a twist itself or its canon. None the less it was great!

[I can still feel the warmth of his tiny hand, curled up into mine] This sentence is almost tragic. My heart is breaking! Oh, ow. But so good!

Cheers,
-Sapphire

Hi! Saw your story was nominated for the RLT awards, and wanted to leave you a review. I'm familiar with Naruto, but don't actually know who Itachi is. Even without that knowledge your story was compelling. I loved the visual details and the pervasiveness of the color red throughout. It served to define the slaughter and death of the battlefield. As you continued to mention it throughout, I was continuously reminded of the toll that Itachi had just experienced in order to survive.

I liked that this story, rather than centering on the battle, dealt with the aftermath. The single gesture of the small boy taking Itachi's hand was a pivotal part of the story. For Itachi to find another living breathing human being that showed him affection, an emotion that is absent in the battlefield, left an indelible impression.

There's a connection for Itachi and the boy and its heartbreaking to see his father pull them apart at the end.

Noticed one Spag "Father stood [,] katana red with blood."

I might also get rid of "desperately" in "the boy began to wail, desperately" His desperation is implied in how he grips Itachi's leg in the next sentence, so the adverb is redundant here.

Well, I really enjoyed having the chance to read this! Great job!

Hi there and congratulations on your story being nominated as best Hurt/Comfort in the Reviewers Choice Awards over at the Reviews Lounge, Too!

I have to apologize and say that I am completely fandom blind when it comes to Naruto. However, I have to say that this piece doesn’t really require much in the way of canon knowledge to understand what it is that you are trying to say. War is brutal and nobody is safe. Men, women and children all become swept up into the wave of blood that washes over the land, leaving them as little more than forgotten memories sinking into the blood-stained ground.

This here: ((Bodies were scattered about, thrown like useless toys. Friend or foe, it did not matter. Scavenger birds picked on the rotting flesh.)) just represents what war is. It’s cold, it’s cruel, it’s a life changing experience that turns a boy into a man. Here bodies are represented as things that can be easily tossed away, almost as if they are nothing more than garbage that we can discard of without having to care about what happens to it. It doesn’t matter what side you are on, death is going to come for you and it’s going to carelessly toss you to the carrion who wait to feast upon what flesh remains.

I love how here: ((There on top of the rubble, was a small child. If it were not war, he would have probably been holding a teddy bear or a blanket to his chest. Instead, like me, he held a kunai.)) you actually showcase how children are themselves drawn into the war. In a normal society this little boy would have been carrying a teddy bear or a blanket as he made his way through the muck, sucking on his thumb or crying for his mother instead of carrying a kunai and readying himself to face an enemy.

((It's not the blood of the war, or the wails of dying ninja or forgotten children, it's the warmth of a stranger's hand that haunts me from that war.))—this is the hardest hitting line in the entire piece. These are children who have found each other and cling to each other, but who are cruelly separated because they are on different sides and so can’t be friends because of it. The fact that what he most remembers is the feel of that child's hands shows the profound connections that can be made within one brief moment. Grief and fear unite people and blur the lines of differences. Here two children who were left to face a harsh world in which they belong found each other to cling too and at least one of them never forgot what it felt like to have that other hand pressed in theirs. It's tragically bittersweet and a stark reminder about how cruel the world can be.

Just a suggestion:

((His clothes tattered and blood stained, flutter like a flag.))- I think you need a comma after (clothes).

((Behind the boy, a flare goes off a few meters.))- this line seems to be missing something, a word or two maybe? If I may suggest: (A few meters behind the boy, a flare shot up into the night air.)?

In all, this was a great piece. Fantabulous job!

FYI – fandom-blind, I know zero abt Naruto.

Your opening of "Blood" and how it colors "everything" is quite the attention grabber. It is an immediate image that one can easily associate with the horrors of war and how it stains everything, even Itachi's own skin and that he feels he will never be able to clean it off, shows its impact. Kudos for that great beginning.

I like the quick but powerful mention of the bodies and the scavengers. You don't go into gory detail but you mention just enough that it is easy to picture him stumbling through the dead and trying to avoid their accusing stares.

I REALLY like the mention of how war has affected even the child Itachi comes across with saying how if it weren't war, he'd be holding a blanket or a favorite toy. Instead he is armed, just like Itachi, but he does not fight. Some of his innocence remains, like fully admitting to his armed stranger that he's scared and then taking Itachi's hand.

The appearance of the enemy ninja literally made me go ACK out loud, lol. I was glad he didn't get the chance to harm Itachi and/or the kid. And the ending, with Itachi's father dragging him away and the kid crying for him, is a great one-two punch to the feels. I especially love the ending line that it's not the horror that haunts Itachi—it's remembering that kid and the brief moment of light he had in the darkness of war.

tiny SPAG gripes:
["You too are just delicious looking."] – thinking you meant "two" since he is speaking of both Itachi and the kid.
[Father stood katana red with blood] – this line seems unclear—perhaps add "there" after "stood" and a comma after "there"? this would make it more clear that Itachi's father is the one who dispatched the enemy ninja.

Beyond that, this is excellent. Adding to my favorites.

You start strong with the red motif, and carry it throughout the story without it ever becoming forced or overbearing, so good job on that. ;)

[Blood.] The piece starts off powerfully. Not only do you set the mood, one of the first things you do is set the scene. By starting out with a description of the surroundings, I feel I can instantly start to picture what’s going on.

[A red I would never be able to wash off.] I have to admit, I’m slightly confused by the use of italics in this piece. The author’s note state that they are Itachi’s thoughts, but as this story is told through a first-person perspective, it seem like everything would be his thoughts. That particular line, doesn’t read like a line that would go through someone’s head. It reads more like prose/narrative. If these are supposed to be just emphasized lines, rather than the words currently running through Itachi’s head, I think they work fine, it’s just the author’s note throwing me off.

There also appears to be a few tense shifts throughout the story, to where I can’t tell if it was supposed to be told in the past-tense or the present-tense.

There’s a bit of an oddity with the dialogue where Itachi answers “Me too” to “Are you?”. I know the “Me too” is supposed to be a response to “I’m scared”, but since there’s that additional line of “Are you?” between the two, it reads a bit awkwardly.

But despite those structural issues I have, stylistically, the piece is wonderfully vivid and possesses a nice flow. The dialogue reads realistically despite the previously mentioned hiccup. The descriptions provide just enough detail without being overly explanatory. And with the ending, I think you chose a great line to finish to one-shot on. Whereas in the beginning the focus was on the redness and the blood, the piece ended with Itachi dwelling on the warmth he had felt.

Despite being a short piece, you managed to tell a story with it, and fill it was a satisfying amount of content.

Disclaimer that I'm fandom blind here. :)

Really enjoyed this piece. The images, the emotions... even though I didn't know who these characters are, I could still get very clear imagery of everything, and it's just fantastic. I loved the ending part especially where we get to see the memories. And the image of his father... it's just so intimidating and bloody and we just get to experience this right along with the main character.

Short, sweet and very poignant. The mood and feel of this piece comes across very well, and it's a fantastic read.

Cheers, dearie!

I don't know if I've ever read(let alone reviewed) a Naruto story on here, but I'll do my best.

I love that this takes place while Itachi was a child, because it shows a side of him that no one really knows. Itachi is well known as a ninja who never fears anything, and doesn't have a reason to, and is talented. But here, even the genius Itach was afraid, because war is different than the academy.

I want to know who that boy was. You left me wanting more from him, so good job on that. Too bad Itachi's dad was a jerk, and didn't let Itachi stay with a crying child.

Overall, great job. I really enjoyed this story.

SPAG:

Paragraph eleven: "Behind the boy, a flare goes off a few meters" What do you mean that it went off a few meters? Did it shoot a few meters into the sky? Or was it a few meters behind him?

Paragraph seventeen: "The hand of a stranger, who could have been a foe, was at the moment, wrapped around I could not care less." I found this line hard to follow. I don't know what you mean by, "wrapped around I could not care less", unless it was supposed to be, 'wrapped around my hand, but I could not care less'.

Paragraph eighteen: "The Iwa ninja laughed, stepping toward us," I think that comma at the end was supposed to be a period.

Paragraph twenty four: "Father stood katana red with blood." I think this line would sound better if it was rephrased as "Father stood, his katana stained red with blood". It serves the dual purpose of adding some description and giving the line proper syntax.

Oh my gosh, that was adorable and depressing all at the same time! I think what I liked the most about this was how numb it seemed, how scared and all the blank, unfeeling, but at the same time, completely raw emotion running around.

I also think that this was a short examination of war and friendship, as well as the child psyche. It really showed that children automatically look for peace, and friendship, and I think that this piece was really adorable, bit portrayed it so well. It was kind of like a beacon in a blood covered, disgusting world.

I really like how clear you make it that love is more powerful then war with this line.

[It's not the blood of the war, or the wails of dying ninja or forgotten children, it's the warmth of a stranger's hand that haunts me from that war.]

So yeah, I really liked this. Ten reviews, that's awesome! And really?
[I'll make Itachi give you a kiss]
Yay!

Disclaimer: I'm not familiar with your fandom, sorry! :o

I absolutely love the strength of your beginning... just a single, provocative word that draws the reader in. That said, it's a little weakened by the presence of the A/N before it. I'd consider trimming any A/N the reader doesn't absolutely 100% need, and moving any necessary A/N to the end, so the reader can jump right into the fic.

"I could not force..." a very clever line, considering this line is mostly something about not being able to *prevent oneself* from crying.

I had pause trying to work out "kunai" for a second, but I imagine that's something fandom-savvy people would know immediately. If so, then that's my problem :)

Wonderful ending, though "Fin" gets on my nerves slightly, and the A/N at the end weakened it, again. It's mood-dissonant to go from a very serious and angsty one-shot to a cheery A/N. To be honest, "If I get x reviews" A/Ns actually dissuade some potential-reviewers, which would be a shame because you do deserve reviews, so I'd consider cutting that A/N altogether.

Thank you for writing x

[If it were not war, he would have probably been holding a teddy bear or a blanket to his chest. Instead, like me, he held a kunai.] I really like the contrast here, the image of a young boy holding a teddy bear, a symbol of youth and innocence, and instead he's holding a kunai, a weapon to kill.

[I was simply glad that I, that we, were alive] it's up to you, but I think this would flow and sound better as: [I was simply glad that I- that we, were alive.] and have [we] as italics.

Is his father taking him away at the end? Or simply picking him up? Is he taking him away from the boy? It sounds like he is. Either way, it's sad for them to be split up and for the other boy to be left alone, alone to fend for himself. It makes me wonder if he survived the war... If so, maybe Itachi and he could have the chance to meet again in the future.

This one-shot was quite touching, short, but sweet. Something as simple as holding someone's hand can go a long, long way.

SPAG
[The hand of a stranger, who could have been a foe, was at the moment, wrapped around I could not care less] I don't know whether it's because I'm tired, but this sentence doesn't make much sense to me. I'd just suggest revising this bit.
[Father stood katana red with blood] you could do with a comma after [stood].

I quite liked this, well done!

This is really good. even though it is short, it definitely has caught the mood and the setting very well. Reading this, you can feel almost as if you were there, It is very mysterious, it makes you wonder why he is there and what is happening, but that just builds on the mood.

Good job in this! Keep it up!

I must say you caught quite well the mood of this, well, at least at the begin. I really felt like Itachi was at the battlefield, even it made me question why he was in first place such a place. Did he get separated from his parents or what? Because it seemed like that when his father came to pick him…but still, it rose many questions as if ‘why’ he was there…it sort of ruined the mood for a brief moment, before the two final clauses. I think those kind of nailed the very reason why he got so much traumatized by war… especially his ending though. The very fact he can’t remember such a simple moment which was still so powerful.
Like I said, the mood was kind of ‘good’ until it hit me to question why Itachi was there. I think the very first clauses were really creepy. After that it came sort of softer when you introduces that ‘stranger’ (made me wonder if he was just some random child…) and then questions hit. But all in all, I think you could’ve made this slightly longer and creepier. I can see you have sort of talent to write gore like this, so I think you could’ve added more details here and there. But still, this was quite nice.
About the grammar and such it felt slightly odd at some points and strange. Some things didn’t make that much sense to me; even I could understand what was going on. I liked the way you rhythm your clauses –at times you used short ones and longer ones. It really suited the theme and added the feeling the moment was fleeting even it took some time.