Now that I've learned the hard way about the (recurrent) error in regarding reviews not showing up for days, I'm ready to jump in again.

The final chapters wrapped up the story really beautifully and in the way this great story deserved. I can't tell enough how much appreciation I have for a writer who can resist the temptation to rush to the finish after the most intense and pivotal part in the story. In the final chapters there were plenty of important and interesting twists and some really fun and in character bantering which carried the story all the way to the final sentences. I appreciated the possibility to read the original version of one chapter in AO3.

Some parts worth a special mention:

The symbolism of Lisbon cleaning the smiley face off on behalf of Jane and thus freeing him of that burdening memory was a soothing closure to the horrors of his past.

I really liked the part where Van Pelt came to follow up on Lisbon. It was another great addition and an important aspect to the story's theme. Van Pelt's concern was genuine and her investigation and analysis of the situation was presented very believably both as a law enforcement professional and as a friend.

"Rules get made when problems come up. You don't want to cause the problem that causes the rule."

I can see and hear Hightower here loud and clear. Very in character, as well as this:

"And Patrick?" she continued.
"Yes, Madeleine?"
"Be happy."
"I don't deserve it."
"No, but she does. And when you're not happy, she's... less happy."

Continuity, oh how I love it!

Thank you / kiitos for everything, MerriWyllow!

*this review is actually for chapter 14. ffnet lost my original text it but won't allow me to re-send it there*

This was all so fascinatingly complicated that I needed re-read the chapter twice before drawing my conclusions: Jane needs to have control, feel that he can control one thing related to them. The only thing Jane is not clueless with, the only thing he knows he wants, is her. And in concretia it is her body he can have, can take control over, but only if Lisbon decides to let him. It's not that Lisbon doesn't want him, too, she's just hesitating because she thought that Jane's need to control was a form of dominance and possessive caveman instinct.

"I'm not going to force you, but if you stay, I'm going to hold you down and push myself into your body. Do you want to leave?"
That's honesty in all its rawness that I can't imagine any other man saying out loud except Jane. Now Lisbon can base her decision on honest facts. I loved how you described what followed her decision of giving her consent. All embellishments stripped off, extremely hot and fervent, and without understanding the grounds of it it would not have felt as sensual as it did but just brutal. But the reader knows the back story, that there is mutual consent.

And Lisbon had the choice. Had she refused she'd been the Winner of the power play but with the cost of Jane collapsing into pieces and no hope for their relationship.

Most importantly it was so good to see that even in his hour of utter need and desire Jane's care for Lisbon stayed above it all and he didn't hesitate even a second to stop immediately when he noticed something's wrong.

How you can convey all that to a reader within the short sentences they spoke is beyond my comprehension. And how can you write enough content worth a full novel in one chapter? I am out of words. I mean I would be if there weren't more I needed to say about the last part of the chapter because it was equally important. The revelation of Lisbon needing to get RJ before Jane because of one more aspect of the controlling theme was pure gold. It was also nice to see Jane bringing up the saving theme into discussion as I have chewed it over in my head a lot.

The only thing Jane is not clueless with, the only thing he knows he wants, is her. And in concretia it is her body he can have, can take control over, but only if Lisbon decides to let him. It's not that Lisbon doesn't want him, too, she's just hesitating because she thought that Jane's need to control was a form of dominance and possessive caveman instinct.

"I'm not going to force you, but if you stay, I'm going to hold you down and push myself into your body. Do you want to leave?"
That's honesty in all its rawness that I can't imagine any other man saying out loud except Jane. Now Lisbon can base her decision on honest facts. And she has a choice. I loved how you described what followed her decision of giving her consent. All embellishments stripped off, extremely hot and fervent, and without understanding the grounds of it it would not have felt as sensual as it did but just brutal. But the reader knows the back story, that there is mutual consent.

Most importantly it was so good to see that even in his hour of utter need and desire Jane's care for Lisbon stayed above it all and he didn't hesitate even a second to stop immediately when he noticed something's wrong.

How you can convey all that to a reader within the short sentences they spoke is beyond my comprehension. And how can you write enough content worth a full novel in one chapter? I am out of words. I mean I would be if there weren't more I needed to say about the last part of the chapter because it was equally important. The revelation of Lisbon needing to get RJ before Jane because of one more aspect of the controlling theme was pure gold. It was also nice to see Jane bringing up the saving theme into discussion as I have chewed it over in my head a lot.

Pilot Jane: "Flight Kum&Go to Tower, we're ready for takeoff."
Controller Lisbon: "Kum&Go, taxi to position Couch and wait."
Pilot Jane: "To position Couch. Not waiting, taking off with full throttle. Kum&Go."
Controller Lisbon: "Kum&Go, what color is the sky on your world?!"

Once anger and revengefulness have left Jane he and Lisbon have quickly taken a leap ahead. They are now trying to figure out what their relationship should and should not be and they are open and honest with each other. It's nice to see that they are not completely clueless any more although it's understandable that Lisbon is having a hard time catching up Jane's galloping mind. I think both of them present valid rationales but they are just in different places and find it hard to understand each other.

Jane has previous experience from a longterm relationship so he doesn't mind taking shortcuts. Maybe the reason he's in a hurry is that he wants a confirmation or declaration that they ARE in a relationship so that he knows she won't walk away and leave him? His burning sexual urges certainly won't make him slow it down, either.

I liked it how you brought Jane's physical needs, which well from his mental turmoil, up front. A great way to build tension (even higher). "I'll be good to you, I promise." A beautiful declaration and I really believe him but they are walking on a very thin ice here.

Special mentions of literary fireworks:

"Seven years of being colleagues followed by two days of being swallowed by a whale of anger - so we get spit back up on shore and now we're in a relationship?"

"This is where you are, Jane. I don't know how to get there. I'm lost."

"Considering what those lies cost me when the consequences got home before I did"

I enjoyed their debate about control. There are so many different shades in it depending on from which angle you are looking at it.

"Sex isn't purely pleasure. It's a connection created in the violence of one body invading another. A woman has to surrender to it. But you confuse control and consent. You tie it up by controlling everything else around it."

This was a brilliant conclusion from Jane, and thought raising for me as a reader, too. His head is clearing up, good!

I ate the words in this chapter greedily and licked the plate afterwards to make sure I didn't miss any flavor. Some very fundamental elements of their current twisted relationship were scooped up from under the lid and were served cold on Jane's bowl. I love this brave, strong, conflicted but committed character of Lisbon!

"You claim I belong to you. You've got me sleeping in your bed, wearing slinky satin pajamas that you bought for me. My skin has your mark on it. I am not the Other Woman. You will not treat me like a dirty little secret. Either I belong with you in your home, or I don't belong with you at all."

This and everything else that Lisbon said in this chapter made me cheer for her and cheer for them. She is setting the records straight and the change is unavoidable. It must be. Jane cannot go on the same way if he has any sense left in him, and we all know he has because we've seen faint signs of it in most chapters before this.

You had described all this with a beautiful, elegant touch of words.

Whatever twisted mess this is, Lisbon's starting to get her head around it. She has almost a life long experience in dealing with grief and abuse and all the other dark emotions which have followed her since her childhood experiences. That's why Jane's brutal actions that betray his underlying emotions cannot completely overwhelm her. It's intresting to see her slowly depriving Jane of his choice of arms, one by one.

But he still owns her and she belongs to him. It still looks like something the cat brought in but it has all the potential to turn into something less smelly, from a strangling power play to a commitment with mutual consent. I loved the ending.

P.S. I should say this in every chapter review but I'll probably forget so please copy&paste it in your memory: I really like the way you write and use the words.

While reading I was listening to music and Poets Of The Fall were playing in my ears (the song's called Carnival of Rust):
"Do you breathe the name
of your savior in your hour of need?
And taste the blame,
if the flavor should remind you of greed,
of implication, insinuation and ill will,
'till you cannot lie still
And all this turmoil before red cape and foil
come closing in for a kill."

It made me think which one of them, Jane or Lisbon, needs to be saved more and from whom? Jane needs to be saved, obviously, from his own twisted himself and the only savior for him is Lisbon. He can't do it on his own.

After Jane behaving the way he has in earlier chapters I feel that Lisbon should be saved, too, mostly from him. But who could save her here, hmm? She has the means but would she really save herself if needed when she clearly can't leave Jane's side? Or does she need Van Pelt to do it? I think if you'd ask Lisbon she'd deny any need for saving at all as she has said to Jane before. Jane has promised always to save her but will he allow himself let go of his feelings of anger, betrayal and guilt falsely projected toward Lisbon and face his true needs and accept his feelings?

I think my best chance to find answers is continue reading!

This scene on the patio was incredibly strong, the tension was palpable. Really amazing writing! Again I found myself neglecting some essential bodily functions like breathing.

"I don't have to use violence to subjugate you. I've owned you for years, Teresa. Every man who's come within fifteen feet of you in my presence knows who you belong to. Mashburn knew he needed my approval to touch you. Sam Bosco hated it, and hated even more that you let me."
This blew my mind! The moment of clarity for both Lisbon and for me as a reader. It's the raw truth, it's been there all the time hasn't it? I just hadn't recognized it before, at least not in its extent. Great realization from you, I'm glad that you dragged that into the daylight. I can see now how Jane has been able to use that knowledge to his advantage.

I surprised or even scared myself as I realised that I found this possessive, dominant and assertive Jane disturbingly fascinating. I think I want to see more that. Seriously, what's wrong with me? At the same time I was relieved to see that Jane actually decided not to act on his insinuations and prior threats. I wouldn't have wanted to see Jane go that way and it might have driven the story to a dead end.

Yep, one of my favorite stories already!

P.S. I'm guessing that I found the scene where that certain unfortunate T-shirt typo once lurked ;)

After reading the chapter 1 I was left confused but intrigued, because this was again something different compared to stories I've read before. However disturbing it was I could understand why Lisbon decided to go with Jane The Insane. Her love, worry and compassion really left her with no choice. Experimenting and playing with ideas of Jane flipping with almost uncontrollable feelings of anger and rage was interesting to read. I've always managed to guide my thoughts away from Jane's dark side so it was about the time for me to face them. The only thing I try to avoid reading is main character deaths but I am feeling confident that that's not where this story is going.

The first two chapters were important in setting the athmosphere that subtly guided my mind to the right presettings for whatever there is to come. Jane's subconcious need for physical contact with Lisbon at night hinted that there are more layers hidden underneath. Lisbon handled Jane in that scene perfectly.

I'm a great fan of D L Sayers and Gaudy Night in particular, and I'm really enjoying this so far.

What a story! You put so much thought and effort into this - I almost want to say "blood, sweat and tears", lol! But that's how it feels like for me as a reader.
You went into a deep, dark place with our two heroes, but finally brought them back safe and sound and in one piece. Phewwww... for a while there I wasn't sure which way you were going with it!
Thank you so much for thoroughly entertaining me for several hours! Great job, muchly appreciated! :-)

Thank you so much for writing this story. A darker and different look at Jane and his grief. You also added a different dimension to Lisbon's childhood abuse that worked really well for the story.

Oceans of (metaphorical) ink have been spent on the ring. You've made Jane's action fresh and the monumental impact believable. That's no small feat.