Continue it is so good

You are the person who convinced me to update my story, so I am going to motivate you. PLEASE UPDATE REALLY SOON! I like where the story is going and it has alot of potential, but you have some spelling and grammar mistakes that you need to fix. Also, slow things down a bit, or focas on scenes more but skip some parts of her day, for instance you don't have to say that shes walking down the hall to the next class and then say a few things about that class, you could just be like my next class was so and so, and say something that happened, but get to something more important in the story. So good luck! Update soon and I hope you can get back into writing this! P.S. I have updated my story a lot, so if you get on this website and see this, just letting you know I did update it and it was pretty much because of you. :) sincerely Seadiva

hey! i jus wanted to tell u tht ur doing a great job n keep updating! ur one of the few stories i like...oh n ik u prob get told this alot but plz do a lil longer chaps ? but if u dnt wanna its cool :)

Try and do a thousand words per chapter; that's the normal suggested amount.

Remember that each new person speaking goes in a new paragraph.

Also, it's unneeded to describe Max. We all already know what she looks like.

Much love,

-Tokoloshe

Again with Iggy. I love him. I also really liked Max's thoughts after she see's Fang. "I do not think guys are cute" Other than that, just add in some sentence variety and details.

Love the story so far. But your sentences are a little choppy. Try to make it more flow. But otherwise, the story's great!

~C

Try to make the dialogue sound a little bit more like something people would actually say, not quite so forced. Other than that, I really like it so far!

I like the random spot of Iggy - he's my favorite character. But I really think you should add in more than just the 'I did this, then I did this' type. Add in more thoughts. It is a first person point of view, after all

Make you chpts longer and add alittle more detail to each chpt

the chapters are really short, make them at least 1000 words. also, work on your capitalization (sp.?) you had a capitol after a comma, and maxs thoughts should be in italics... one more thing, you kept using 'fist' instead of 'first' in the first chapter, overall it has potential but you need to work on it

Could you, like, make the chapters longer? Like, MUCH longer? Thanks. And I'm liking the fan fiction so far. I suggest you make Fang the player type, and Max is like, peeved by him. I LOVE AN ARROGANT JERKY FANG!

u have to UD now please!

it's short and nothing happened, but it was cool the way you wrote that out. Make them longer, that's all I say, you're gonna go on with this, right?

Well it's good... but it's the shortest chapter ever and nothing really happened... (keep in mind this is all opinion) It's a really good start but I think there should be more... words... I guess that's the best way to put it...