I loved this story

I enjoyed your fic although I wish it was longer, I was reading the chapter when something ticked me off, Katrina calling Murtagh "a boy". I mean doesn't she know Murtagh is actually older than her child's father ? Also I believe Roran has grey eyes like Murtagh which make me think that the rider took it from his mom while Eragon took his brown eyes from his father.
I don't comment alot but I have read others fics of you portraying Murtagh and I quite liked it, I don't have much free time but if you have others good fics (longer) featuring Thorn and his rider please don't hesitate to share it. I admit that I was quite unsatisfied with the end CP gave to Murtagh and Thorn.
Thanks for the read !

Oh, wow! The story was really good! I have enjoyed every part of it. I am going to read the rest of your stories; I suppose they are great too. I hope you will go on writing.
Occasionally I check your forum, but there appears to be not much of activity lately.

I wish for the better. :)

I love, love, love this chapter. :)
An underground apartment made of sand? Really? I envy this rider...

This chapter was nice but a little bit sad. I hope Thorn and Saphira will get to know each other better.

Wow, a friend told me this is a magnificent story. He is right, I already love it. :)

*hostie/Guest/Critic

Well... that's too bad then. But considering your schedule, it is nice that you have the time to return to my story so often and reply to my responses to your reviews... At least you have that much time available. I am glad you are not unreasonably burdened...
I could have 'sworn' I'd seen your work more recently than that... Oh well, my mistake then.

Anyways, Best of luck to you.

I don't have an account, as between my studies and activities, I'd be far too sporadic and limited, I fear, and my writing is rather horrid. Last time I reviewed was...months ago, and you'd only caught my attention because I'd once liked Murtagh, back when I liked Paolini's work.

To *hostie/Guest/Critic: RE: your review of Chapter One...
Thanks for the constructive comments. I find your lengthy attempt to improve my work to be humbling... especially as you find my general story so 'distasteful'... In light of this you are greatly to be appreciated.
But really *hostie/Guest/Critic... if you plan to 'haunt' all of my chapters thusly, I will have to assume that you desire the coveted position of being my beta... So if you contact me by PM with your actual account we can talk.

Write on!
XD

Okay...grammar time!

"calm cool dispassionate demeanor" - Should be cool, calm, and dispassionate demeanor. It's an 'items in a series' adjective.

"Be strong my 'fierce warrior." - Should be "Be strong, my 'fierce warrior'."

"Cut it out Thorn." - Should be "Cut it out, Thorn."

The apostrophes around 'slightly elder' are unnecessary clutter. It's not a quote, it's the truth.

"They'll never accept us Thorn." - Should be "They'll never accept us, Thorn." I don't think that 'us Thorn' is a person, unless s/he's an OC.

'Lead' - Should be 'led'.

You're butchering the ellipses. Ellipses should be used sparingly and elegantly. They have much power of erotic suggestion, and should not be demeaned by so much use.

Oh, I HATE this one. "It's surface." NO. It's stands for 'it is'. Its is the proper thing to use here. This is the one prepubescents get wrong; don't fall prey to this one.

...I'm not even going to comment on the lack of comma usage. It's the same as what have been griping about. Ditto with the unnecessary ellipses.

His look is haunted, not haunting.

More comma mistakes. More ellipsis overkill.

"Riders" - Should be "Rider's".

If there was a special key for the ellipsis, it would be worn to nothing.

Comma mistakes. I've given up trying to correct them all, for it seems to be an exercise in futility, to borrow that most lovely phrase.

Murtagh whinges, whines, and is like every other insufferable Murtagh fanfiction has inflicted upon us previously. Thorn is annoying.

I'm not one to use the word rape lightly, but 'ellipsis rape' is the only term to describe what you do.

It's perfectly reasonable for the Council to want to examine Murtagh's mind. He (even if he says it was against his will) was fighting for the Empire, and he did kill Hrothgar.

Roran SHOULD NOT have represented the urgals. The urgals are not idiots, despite what most fanfiction authors (perhaps including yourself?) seem to think. An urgal should represent the urgal people.

Ellipsis rape.

Take the apostrophes away from 'privileges'.

Ellipsis rape.

Severe lack of commas.

Murtagh whines and behaves immaturely.

Okay, done. And though it may seem like it, this isn't a flame. Most of these could have been easily caught by a beta. Get a beta, and have someone read your chapters beforehand. Make sure it's someone who'll be brutal with you.

Holy cow! This is amazing! I love it!

This is amazing! This seems as if it were Murtagh speaking and I love it! Lovely!

Make the epilogue! *cheer*

Katrina is sooooo awesome! And I'd be willing to be a temporary beetle hanging round her when she opened that drawstring pouch and reminisced about what Murtagh had actually said to her... So deliciously mysterious! Can I beg you to please, please, please tell me?

Murtagh's astounded expression felt bittersweet to me, and his wariness also. But you made a truly-astounding scene with the last scene. Action speaks, they say, and Murtagh's action by removing all those spells and pitching up a tent among the camp of Carvahall was... just... WOW.

Great job! And for the record I hope that all those most-vocal haters are going to receive their due soon. *grin*

Rey

Hello, hello, and happy New Year!
Thank you for continuing this story, as well. I did enjoy this chapter, and I think it's really funny that Murtagh like to sulk in seedy bars, but I can definitely appreciate the reasons. And I do like that Roran continues to be suspicious of him, because to be honest, even if said person was coerced into changing sides in a war twice, it may or may not hint at some instability.
My main complaints here are a) why is Katrina so accepting of Tag, besides just the fact that she is a compassionate person? And b) it's always felt a little weird to me, even in canon, that Eragon and Murtagh could patch up their relationship so quickly. Unless desperation is a key player, that is.
Nonetheless, I defer to you as local Murtagh expert, and I love that he was so formal among the Carvahall people. Even though I thought the scene might be too early in coming, it was beautifully done, with palpable emotion; I could almost see it for myself. And definitely the concept was interesting, too. I never thought Murtagh could integrate at any level with the people of Carvahall, due to difference in rank, background, and lifestyle, but it does raise a number of interesting questions; and it was heartwarming for the reader to see how generous the tight-knit community was.
Have a very happy day, and a bright new year! I can't wait to read more!

Hmm this made me very happy. I feel relieved on the part of Murtagh, that he feels accepted and believes he is accepted, because this time he really IS being accepted...

It's a happy ending. Those are rare enough these days, and this one is well done.

Good luck with your writer's muse!