You have a great idea but it definitely needs some work. Right now your overall plot is okay but it could be fine tuned. You have syntax errors all through out this piece and they can be pretty distracting. Your characters are very flat and not well developed plus the dialogue seems immature if rushed. You have the bones of a what could be a great story, just need to spend sometime fleshing it out. A great tip of advice that another author gave me is 'If you want to write a story, show your readers the scene; don't tell them what happened.' I really hope to see your writing grow and mature as you do. You have a great amount of potential, you just need to polish your work.

On another note, thank you for sharing your work.

Hope to read more.

D

me encanto la historia ojala actualices luego por fis lo espero con ansias esta muy buena.

Thanks for the update! Honestly think Sakura should have not gotton off so easily. Love itachis part!

its a start of a friendship

Nicely done.

Poor Narus. I'm just waiting for her to snap on Sakura & give her a good slap to the face to show her whos boss! Can't wait for the next update!

i wish to slap sakura !

And I love the Tora part... That was awesome!

its great

Lots of misspellings

"You're" is not the same as "Your", in case you were wondering.

please come back to this its so ggood

i really like it and when will the next one be out

really can't wait for the next update