I absolutely abhor your grammar, but it was a good read. I would have liked to find out what happened between Mally and Cam though. I do realize that this story is old, so if you have continued to write I assume that your more recent stories are a bit clearer. )

I loved it continue the good work. It was amazing. I'd advise you to check spelling and punctuation though. I wish there was more, lol!

You have violated part of the Community Etiquette of FFN for not paying attntion to your grammar. I will give you forty-eight hours- Until Tuesday- to edit it all for correct grammar. I recommend a Beta-Reader experienced in the grammar aspects. If you have not done this in the time given, I shall report it.

Midnight

**Nightleaf of LawlClan**

Hey, give her a break. She's learning how to create a story, not everyone is perfect at it. You shouldn't be that harsh to her about her writing and make her feel depressed. The least you could do is be kind in telling her what mistakes she made instead of saying it in a way that makes you sound like complete ssholes. I think it's a very good story that has potential

Wow, this story could be really good if you had grammar.

You can't spell anything correctly, you use the wrong tense, you switch things, you have poor word choice, your characters are a mess, (we don't even know what they look like) and the plot is a bit shaky. You can't even use quotation marks right.

This also is not related to Child Called It.

that is a freaky story... was daniel a ghost? Was he the murderer? That other kid cam who was he? and why did he only show up once? please right another chapter i reall want to know how it ends...

I love it, it seems to slightly remind me of twilight in a way lol great i hope you ud soon!

This is SERIOUSLY lacking details.

You didn't describe Mally AT ALL! (how're readers going to know what she looks like?)

The wording needs alot more work.

it's YOU not U and.. it's Actually, not acutely.

You have MAJOR spelling errors.

Oh, and..every setence begins with a CAPITAL LETTER

This should be on Fanfictionpress.

also...ADD DESCRIPTIONS OF WHERE THE CHARACTERS ARE.

This short story made me feel for the girl. Loosing her mom, then her dad being abusive doesn't seem like a good situation. The whole mysterious guys make it seem like two stories in one but I like that. I want to read more. Please keep going with this story. You are on a great track!

I didn't even read all this! Firstly, since it isn't a fanfic, it should be on fictionpress. Seccondly, it's "you" not "u". In texts, that's fine! But in writing, seriously! It's "oh" not "o" and each quote/sentence begins with a capital letter.

i like it

i loved it but it needs more i got so into it it was awesome but u knida left me hangin which is a good thing

lots of suspense i truley thought it was great!

Ok I read the first 2 chapters of this also and I want to say that this is simply amazing! I love the whole idea of the story and the writing style...like u don't drag on and on forever on one subject and u mix in sadness, romance, and suspense into one story which is awesome! Love the story! Keep it up! Could u give me any good ideas for stories then? Of course I'll still have to wait 2 days cus I just made mine an hour ago so please give me some ideas also!

cant wait for more!