Hey there! This is Jewel from Critics United to take your review requests.

You should up this to M just because the amount of f bombs dropped in the very first paragraph.

I will say that the humor seems a bit forced and not really flowing naturally. At least at the beginning with Snake blowing his hand off.

Capitalizing entire sentences is incorrect grammar. Not only that, it's like you're smacking your readers in the face with the text lol. All you need is an exclamation mark and if more emphasis is needed, use italics.

An exclamation mark should not be placed as speech as it isn't speech. It works in the video games because we can actually see that happening within the game play, but doesn't work with writing.

My favorite was the pick up fail. As you wrote, the humor stopped seeming so forced so good job on that. There wasn't any characterization or really any details to help the story be better pictured though.

Also I suggest you want suggestions from the readers on what characters that they PM you. It's just barely interactive if you get them via reviews. Hope this was helpful.

Signed,
DarkSacredJewelXoX
[Founder of Critics United]

Ha, want you to make a glitch fail please... or have lucario and (puberty) Rayquaza team up. Thank you for reading my insanity.

Hahahaha! Hilarious series. I love it! Can't wait to see next chapter.

No worries about being late but that is funny. I would really love to see Marth and Zelda failures including when she fails to turn into Sheik and her costume changes. I mean there can be so many ideas for Zelda costume fails when she transforms into Sheik incluing turning into some other character completely.

Heheh, funny!

Dude...sorry I forgot all about those reccomendations. But yeah, very humorous

This is really funny!

Okay, beyond that, I highly recommend Zelda fails, maybe something to do with Din's fire, Farore's wind, and Sheik transformation.

Also, I'd like to see Ice Climber fails. For some reason, they just annoy me beyond annoyance, so I'd love to see them mess up.

Haha! Yay you did Lucario! :D Did you know actually the guy who does the voice of Lucario also does Goku from Dragon Ball Z? If you did, good for you! Can't wait for the next chapter! :)

I would so love to see Mario fall down a hole after he tells his brother to be careful. I mean Marioo needs bad luck. Sweet chapter.

Oh, -Force- Palm...*rimshot.*

This was actually one of your best chapters in some time. It didn't feel so much like you half-donkeyed it. And, being that Lucario is a Pokemon, it might make sense that he'd be open to suggestion from pop culture-hey, some of the Pokemon in the anime are.

Of course, we all know that 1) Vader gets his lightsaber back and 2) the Death Star goes big boom. No I'm kinda afraid to know what happened to our favorite Forc-er, Aura user.

Nice group of stories.

Have you done Ness yet? Or Lucas? Those would be awesome.

YOSHI!GAME AND WATCH

Lazy-Yes. Funny-Hell Yeah! Poor pit though...

the zero suit fail made me fall over laughing

I snake but that last part with the pickup line was funny