hey, so I absolutely cannot wait for the next chapter. This is really good, better than a lot of other stories here about new half - bloods :D

This is a good story, but try not to fall into any overused things that I (and most people) will find very irritating.

Firstly remember that in Percy's first year at camp he had little control over his powers, and it took years for him to control them at will.

The same applies for swordfighting ability.

Secondly, don't make Percy's half-sister super powerful/

unrealistically beautiful.

That is used too many times. So is Percy's sister falling in love with Nico.

These things can ruin otherwise perfectly good stories, so try not to fall into these traps.

First impressions really do matter. Your prologue could make a better one. It's very very short, even for a prologue, and the POV sign is unnecessary.

I read the first chapter and I think it made a good second impression though. The third impression (your cliffhanger) however, was lacking in the "oomph" a cliffhanger needs.

Overall I think the plot is your problem. I've never heard of one like it but it seems far fetched. I mean the Mayans and the Greeks were two totally different civilizations and as far as I know, the Greeks never predicted the end of the world. The Norse did though, if you wanna look into it.

Hope this helps.

The End

Lolz I like ur idea of getting more words in there... I think I'm gonna try it...

The new character's cool. But, I just have one question about her: In the book, Posiedon's (is that how you spell it?) only child was Percy. So how could Percy be only 3 years older than Jessa because he was 16 when they no longer had that oath? The time differenece is too short or something. But that's ok, you don't have to come up with an exclamation, because I don't care. I was just wandering. A lot of people do that anyways. But I still really like the story anyways.

AWESOMENESS! You need to finish this story cuz I really want to know who the girl is! UPDATE!

PEACE OUT!

starwarsdiva411

good story so far keep it up update

iffy. i think it sucks. if you updated soon maybe i would change my mind

After reading your "prologue", I honestly had low hopes for this fic. But once I read the opening paragraphs of your first chapter, a small glimmer of Elpis began to appear in the back of my mind. I loved your opener. Upon reading the rest of Chapter 1, although, I seriously considered setting Elpis free. It was disappointing. Everyone gradually began to get more and more out of character. And you used the ever so cliche opening fight where Percy and his friends vanquish the foe within seconds. For future reference, as much as they may want to, the Furies will not attack a demigod without orders from Hades himself. And after The Last Olympian, sending a Fury upon Percy does not seem like the thing Hades would do.

But don't think I'm flaming you. Not at all. Constructive criticism, perhaps. I suggest you get a beta reader. This story is too original and isn't bad enough to delete yet. As for who, I don't know. Certainly not me, but there are dozens of people that would love to if you asked them. Your grammar and spelling were both decent enough to pass, so you definitely show promise. Honestly, this is a great idea for a story, and I'd like to see another chapter from this. It shows potential. Don't make me give up Elpis! Keep writing! Take it as a compliment that people were intrigued enough by your summary that they spent their time reading this (and believe me, there are tons of stories I skip over due to crappy summaries). For now, I'll put this on story alert. As for my favorites, we'll just have to see, won't we?

KoA

Hm, this certainly looks interesting, I like it so far. Keep going:D

-Ash

kool!

Very well written. It defnitely sounds like Percy. The only problem is now I need to wait for another chapter.

The plot seems interesting. All i have to say is look over your grammar other then that good job!

Can I be rewarded by you getting a beta?

This story needs some major editing and revising.

No POV signs please.

Too short (63 words, WTF!).

I'm not sure if you're joking when you say it's amazing, because to tell you nicely, the fic sucks.

Better edit it before a major flamer catches sight of it.

Also, don't mess with the disclaimers.