The guy who was 15th before they realised the mistake fust feel like crap

Wow. I just wanted to say this was one of the better things that I have ever read. Everyone felt... real. You know? Like Dawn, Brock, Drew, even Harley all felt like people I would love to say hi to and shake their hand. Then of course there are the stars Ash and May, and goodness you brought such life to those characters, I dare say they are people after all.

I'm posting this entire review in multiple chapters. Every author likes a good numbers boost if you ask me ;)

Now, the parts I adored:

Emotionally I was torn apart. Quite honestly, you captured the initial relationship between Ash and May so accurately that I felt like I was right there for their struggles. When they felt hurt and betrayed thanks to their own interpretation of what was happening, my heart bled alongside them. We've all been through young love in many different ways, and you made it real for me.

Pacing was really, really on point. Like it sucks when you read about a great concept, the beginning and middle are chugging along like a merry choo-choo train, and then suddenly it derails and all the oil spills out and its a mess. You rolled into the station on time.

Battle wise-loved it. Every moment was visceral, real, and very Pokemon-y. Definitely over the top with how much stamina each 'mon could take, time dilated in your words the same way we'd imagine it if it were real, and I definitely could get behind your adjectives and descriptive diction. I saw the battles in my head. Hell I even predicted half of their moves, and it all gelled so well.

Even better? The plot twisted in ALL. THE. RIGHT. PLACES. May should win the grand festival? NAH. She gets ousted in round 1. BUT WAIT! She's actually back in due to a technicality! Ash sees May get kissed by Drew, May sees and wants to shout. BUT WAIT! May can't say what she wants to. Ash can't go to her like he wants to. OH CALAMITY! This is what drama is about. The audience knows something and yet the characters are none the wiser. You should've had Ash poison himself, May stab herself, and then Ash stab himself too (get the reference)!

Internal dialog was the real innovation here. I was incredibly impressed-no, moved with the way that you handled internal dialogue. Listening to May talk inside her own head was brilliant, and listening to Ash talk inside his own head was no doubt challenging and yet you pulled it off! If only they knew what we, the reader, knew, and yet we process our world the same way Ash and May processed theirs. It's a goddamn miracle they figured it out at all. A for you. Truly.

Quickly the PART I didn't care too much for:

You used a trope over and over again. It's a romance writer's trap if you ask me. It's not dramatic. It's not realistic. It's not visceral. It doesn't drive the plot. It's repetitive:

Person A has "Look on Face" - Pearson B asks "What's Wrong?"" - Person A says "Nothing..." - Person B 'Doesn't believe it but doesn't Say anything.'

In the next installment or in your own writing, I want you to be so aware of this trap so that you can avoid it-or even use it to invert the trope and surprise us all.

If you don't mind, I have a special request I'd like to make:
I'm a 22 year old guy. And being a guy has its advantages and dissadvantages, namely that I literally CAN'T see things from a girl's perspective. I want to write May so well that my readers cry-knowing her struggle is theirs, but I can't do that without insight. If you're down, I'd love to collaborate or at least talk to you about your experience writing this piece. PM me, or if you'd like, check out my work and lemme know what you think!

Best,
TestSubject069

U have potential my advice just make longer chapters

I have read your Advanceshipping stories again and again ever since I read your first one which was this story entitled "Halves Make a Whole." I have yet to stop reading your amazing work and I can honestly say that I probably won't stop anytime soon. Your stories really make me wonder how beautiful it would be if Ash and May were together and how they would spend their time together as they continue to grow up. The connection between Ash and May is undeniable and unbreakable. I have seen a lot of Pokemon and of all the females that have traveled with Ash, May comes out on top because they share so much and are always supporting each other no matter how difficult things get between them. As I read your stories I always find just the right music to put during the events that happen. I always like to picture your stories like an actual episode that was never released in the United States. I know the creator hasn't exactly confirmed Ash to be in a relationship with any of his traveling companions but even if he does or doesn't I will always continue to ship Ash and May not just because they are my favorite pairing but because they really have a connection which we all know the creator will never reveal it to us. And from what I've learned is that the Terracotta Ribbon has played the biggest role in Advanceshipping and how I've also heard that Pokemon Ranger Temple of the Sea was the wedding or proposal of Advanceshipping considering the fact that Manaphy had chose May as his mother obviously and how happy he seemed to be in Ash's arms and not once cry when being held by him. We Advanceshippers have all come to agree that Manaphy has chosen Ash to be his father and making it become what people have agreed to create Royalshipping with Manaphy as Prince of the Sea, May as Queen of the Sea, and Ash as King of the Sea. Advanceshipping and Royalshipping are two shippings that can never be dispersed no matter how people try to see it. There have been other Advanceshipping stories that I've read on here but YOU by far have the best stories that any Advanceshipper could ever read in fact I almost teared while I read your amazing work. Another thing I really liked was when you did your introduction before we would begin to read the next chapter. For example when you mentioned that you were peeping in and said someone threw a tomato at you it really made me laugh because that's what I like to see from an amazing writer. One who's not only great with ideas of writing about what she supports but one who can give her audience a good laugh xD. I'm glad that I found your stories this time of year because if I had found them the year before I would always check when you would upload your next chapter but then again even if I did I wouldn't be upset because as a reader I always wait until the writer is ready to upload his/her next piece of work when he/she feels like it's time to upload ). It's basically like waiting for a new manga to be done because it does take around the same amount of time for it to be released. One of the most important things I will never forget is what you said at the end of one of your stories which is entitled "Paperback" about how you mentioned the quote "The Rose has but a summer-reign. The daisy never dies." And I strongly agree with you that the quote is what verified the saying "Roses die, but Ribbons last forever." I agree because the Terracotta Ribbon does look like a daisy but a different color. It also looks like the sun and from what I read is that after the winter season the daisy returns in the spring. And what better way than to bring back a daisy when spring season comes? The Terracotta Ribbon that shines brightly in the sky and awakening the ones down below bringing out the fresh scent of daisies that will enlighten the world forever ).

This concludes what I have to say about your amazing work. I'm sorry that I didn't write a review the first time I read your stories. I think it was because I was too busy with stuff that I had to deal with at home and other reasons. I don't know if you could get back to me for what I had to say but if you wouldn't mind I would love to leave you my number ). (310) 508-9728

Thank you very much for the wonderful stories that you have written I really enjoyed reading them. I hope you continue to create more Advanceshipping stories but more importantly what your heart desires. )

From,

Eduardo Trevino (Advanceshipper forever) )

That was absolutely amazing

I swear I read this story long ago, and yet, I can't remember any bit of it. So similar, yet so foreign.

I admit that ot was a beutiful story, but when you said you were trying to keep the characters in character, I asked myself " Isn't that what a fanfiction is for, to make characters do something they wouldn't normally do."

I really enjoyed this story. Espeacially how you made the characters act like how they usaully do like this actually did happen. I was a bit upset that they didnt really get together but I realized that in time once there ready theyll be there for one another waiting patiently so good job!