where is lettuce?

...Lettuce...0-o

Wow, this is great. x3 The sexual themes and erotic feeling to it are so out of place for Tokyo Mew Mew, and Pai and Lettuce, but it worked. :P The fact that Lettuce got so into her role and that Pai actually enjoyed that kind of thing made me laugh. :3

Didn't write what I was looking for? I don't know about that. Certainly not what I was expecting, but that's to be commended, in its way.

Technically (spelling, grammar etc) this was written to a very high quality. It reads like the work of an author who has developed beyond just writing accurately, and is truely comfortable with the language. It's not as common as it might be on this fandom, what with the manga (I'm guessing) attracting a younger readership than other fandoms. So well done you.

Now, as to content...

Well, I agree with Essence of Gold that I wouldn't have expected this of Lettuce (though you're probably right that Pai could coax her into anything), and I never thought of Pai as a masochist either, but if you suspend disbelief long enogh to get them into this scenario in the first place, they are very IC once their there. Lettuce's initial insecurity, her constant admiration of Pai as they play out the scene, they were absolutely in character for her. You had some very good description too. The aliens looks so human, apart from theri ears, that most of us just write them basically as if they were human, but your references to his 'sweet blood' and 'inhuman proportions' added an extra level of realism and maturity to your writing. Here was my favourite line:

'His black eyes, normally so sharp, were glazed with admiration and pleasure. He was more beautiful than she had ever seen him.' Yay! He admires her! Even in the midst of the sado-masochism, there is fluff!

I'm not too sure of my spelling of that word, so sorry in advance...

Your description of him being strong but letting her win was good too...I don't now, I guess that's just the kind of thing I go for.

I won't pick out any more individual lines, but your description throughout - like I said, you are clearly comfortable with the language. The rippling muscles and all...well, I'm not sure that I *liked* this fic in the strict sense, but it was written to a very high quality, and it's very original. Well done.

True

PS. Heh. After reading the manga with Pai rambling about his statistics and stuff, I have seen a whole new significence in Lettuce's clipboard.

I will never look at lettue the same way again XD

Holy this was hot

please conitnue.

Ehm... good, I guess. But some kinda back-story would be nice. _ Why are they going out? And other questions too... Pai has a STRANGE head... 0_o

Heh, this was kinda um... hot?

Yeah anyway, I loved it and althrough it kinda confused me at the start, it was alright throughout the rest of the one-shot.