yes, this is good story. Its fun to read your story.
And for the last chapter, omg, you got me laugh so hard. XD

...Funny. This is a pretty awesome story. I really enjoyed reading it. xD

I can't decide whether to curse you for making me laugh like a moron, or to commend your comedic genius.

X3

Your description of Bradley the American Guy was amusing to say the least.A hint of jealousy in a story always bring a lil definitely,strangely enough always brightens up MY day.A personal question though,Why was Bradley made to be American?Sentences like he didn't read up Japanese customs seems to be a reference to something that is culturally prevalent rather than something that is personal to Bradley.

Since I liked "Olympic" I couldn't say no to reading more. Although I found myself thinking "awe, cute" more times than I care to count while reading this the lack of depth and the absence of small details during the scenes made me finish with the thought, "It's a shame. It has a nice story to it but it has so much potential for more."

Honestly, I am comma crazy myself but even that didn't deter me from mentally deleting some of them and all the parenthesis while reading. All of those extra sentences could've been worked into the story without the parenthesis breaking the flow of your writing.

I remember one of your author notes mentioning that you tried to find good references on writing specific scenes. Unless you think it's presumptuous I would like to at least direct you to a Bleach story entitled "Falling Into Darkness" and its sequel "Shades of Grey" by SilverKytten. The plot is very detailed and well thought out and it has many of those scenes you were researching. I'd have to say that it is one of those few stories I've found on this site to be on another level.

Don't take the criticism the wrong way, as many authors on here wont to do. I really like "Bar" for the easy flow it has, the same as "Olympic," but I hope the latter, or both, is deeper developed/redeveloped as your style grows. Although less is usually more, subplots and chapters like Interlude: Jealousy really add to the depth of your story and are not interludes at all. Actually, I think that chapter was really one of my favorites while reading "Bar." I was kind of hoping to see the American's reappearance and/or a develpoment with Doumeki's payment. There are so many possibilities I'd love to see that I hope developes in at least your currently active stories.

wow

ROOM WITH A MOOSE! OH DEAR GOD NO! Worst punishment imaginable.

Hahahahaha! this was my favorite chapter ever!

Hi! Congrats on finishing Bar! The drabbles are good, like vignettes. And the way a story was formed somewhere in the middle made it better. I'm still undecided on what to feel about the fact that I was lured by what I thought were drabbles only to be left hanging when I realized there was an incomplete plot. And so I was forced to wait. But it was worth it.

Help me please though. I used to watch Invader Zim back then, but I do not recognize any dialogue that refers to it. Help...?

Thanks! :)

Conversation 3 was the IZ reference! What do I win?

Ah conversation 5 was my favorite bc I could TOTALLY see it happening and I almost spat out my tea in a fit of giggles!

Everytime Doumeki spoke I kept hearing him with a ghetto accent and I was laughing so hard! I was just waiting for him to go: "Oh no you di-nt!" and snap his fingers XD

I'm really going to miss this story so much and I look forward to your future stories!

Most sincerely!

A-n-B

A third kidney? Huh... And it really was pure crack lol~ Sad to see this end but it was fun while it lasted. I guess this is bye for now~

Oh poor Watanuki~ Lol. And what a brave man Doumeki is.

And I totally forgot about Maru and Moro as well! I'll tell you the idea and see if it lets out any plot bunnies!

Good luck on you new year's resolution! One more chapter for this to go!

BUAHAHAHA~ Oh poor /poor/ Watanuki. And I really love to see the dress. No blackmail material for Mokona?

2 more chappies~

Cute! I just love this couple, they're so awesome. My friend still thinks they're "just friends" though. Sigh. Denial! Anyways, great story!

Ha ha ha nice choice of music LOL

poor Watanuki he must have been so...(10 days later) humiliated!