Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Now onto the actual review:
Disclaimer: All characters and situations from "The Chronicles of Prydain" is the invention of Lloyd Alexander and belong to him. This is written purely for entertainment and at no monetary gain.

Although I modified this extravagance later by including the beautiful life among the works of art that alone gave a meaning to life, it was still beauty that I valued. O.O

Some of it is my immense love for "The Chronicles of Prydain" certainly, but I want to give some credit to your deceptively simple prose. For you just made me tear up a little. A little might not sound like much, until you consider that I almost never cry when reading a book or watching a movie.

Almost. Never.

Ragnelle- you *get* it. You get Coll's character, and his relationship to Taran. This is just beautiful, and I'm giving it a spot on my list of favorites.

I read The High King (and the rest of the Chronicles) as a kid, so couldn't resist trying this one out. You did well at incorporating canon events - I remember Coll's death, and Rhun's and the rest as well, pretty well, and this works thematically for the bittersweetness and moroseness of the scene where Coll dies in the burned-out fields where nothing can grow.

The tone of this also felt appropriately elegiac, and you worked well with simple wording here; it's not needlessly complicated, and the sparseness of it evokes a nice barrenness as well as the scene itself.

Only a few minor critiques:
I would capitalize 'Grower of Turnips' thus, since it's the story title, and I think all but the 'that much warrior' semicolons are unnecessary, though not grammatically incorrect. In particular, 'that was your joy' feels like it should have a colon (:) instead.

Hope this was helpful! SPAG follows.

***

SPAG:
It cannot last - cannot as compound word.
You cannot make - same error.
that much warrior you have been - not incorrect, but may be clearer if it's 'that much of a warrior you have been.' Play around with it and see if it can be clarified.

how sad! but beautifully written!

i respect your decision to use 2nd person narration (at least i think it's 2nd person narration - you don't see it too often) anyway, you make it work very well.

what a lovely addition to the prydain fanfiction collection :)

This is absolutely lovely, so concise and very moving. I love details like Taran having to use his hands to dig the grave (he would have, too), and his seeming to tuck Coll in as the old warrior had once done for him (and Coll would have been the main caregiver for Taran as little boy). Please write more!

Ragnelle, this is just amazingly beautiful. Not a word out of place. The odd perspective is wonderfully handled. I have no idea of the fandom or who the charcters are, but I find this completely gripping. Well done.

Although I don't know the fandom, this is very well written and almost poetic. And it is written with an unusual POV that gives it a certain...I dunno, "immediacy"? It very much puts us there watching all this play out.

Yes, I like it very much to show "best friends".

- Deandra

A couple of things:

that all other thoughts for a time is stilled. - should either be "thoughts"/"are" or "thought"/"is"

Loose heaps of earth lies beside you. - should be singular: lie

First now he knows as well. ?I can't figure out any way to understand this. Is something missing?

This is an excellent story, Ragnelle: short, poignant and evocative. I'm not familiar with the fandom, but I understood the situation with no trouble. And what a twist at the end!

I commend you for trying and succeeding with the very difficult present tense and the even more difficult second person (you) POV. You showed us how they can be done and done well.

May I point out one or two tiny mistakes? These seem to be typos:

" He did not see it then, the joy of making things grow, of feeling the earth beneath your nails, the ace [ache] in your back that told you that the day had been well spent."

" Then he would rather have had you teach him to yield [wield] the sword."

Thank you for sharing this!

Poignant and lovely, starkly brief. Very nice. Hope to see more from you here.

This is perhaps the scene I most hated when I first read the book. But now you took me back...(sniff)

Your writing's so vivid and sharp. I was spellbound. I thought the part where he "tucks" Coll in like the man once did for him was both wonderful and terrible (smile). It makes me think of all those warm nights in Taran's childhood as large, kind hands pull the covers over him compared to this cold loneliness and grief he must feel as he buries the man that's practically his father.

Awesome work. Going in my favorites. I hope you write more for Prydain!

This is a lovely story, very well written and lingers in the mind after reading it. I don't know the fandom, but the friendship between the characters, the imagery and the vivid descriptions mean I don't need to. Thank you for posting this - it makes me want to learn more about the fandom. :D

Added to my C2, My Favourite Tales