I am more than fine with them not immediately going to Narnia if this happens first.

Why does Ed say he's sorry?

All of the details are perfect - just enough so that I can feel everything that's going on, but not too many that it feels forced. The initial panic - Peter's red shoes, his realization that Edmund tried to push him out of the way. OF COURSE it's Edmund's mangled body lying there - OF COURSE.

/is teary-eyed/

I don't know why I haven't read this story before. IT'S SO GOD. You did an amazing job with this where it made me feel I was there listening in on the whole conversation. Great writing skills you have. I hope to read more of your creativity soon.

Rolletti

Story: 8/10. I think that this story is really strong thematically and I like the end and how Peter is ready to face any enemy, even death. My biggest problem is that I didn't really know what this story was about until two-thirds of the way through it. At first I thought it might be one of those AUs that has Peter dying in Narnia. My mind didn't immediately go to The Last Battle, because that book makes it seem like they die almost instantly.

Characters: 7.75/10. I can believe Peter through most of this story - he seems to have a quiet bravery that I think fits his character. When he talks to Edmund, however, it seems more like the characters are making speeches to one another than having a last moments conversation. Seems like there should be a little bit of fear or uncertainty in here somewhere instead of the characters just waxing philosophical.

Creativity: 7.5/10. There are a lot of fics about the Pevensies dying, but I’ve never quite seen one like this, from the point of view of the boys. I do think the way that you handle the deaths is a bit cliché, though.

Writing: 8.5/10. I think that your writing style is very distinctive and you don’t have a lot of mistakes. I like the use of present tense for this story. Like I said, I think that your dialogue is a little speechy.

Believability: 7.25/10. It isn’t that the situation or the outcome is unbelievable, but I think if we saw some pain or fear, it would help me believe the characters’ reactions. I also think that if you included a little more description of the surroundings then it would help ground the reader in the setting.

Overall: 7.75/10. You write well and I like the concept and the ending of this fic, but I think in a death fic, I’d like to see a little more conflict and I have trouble getting into the setting.

very lovely, touches the heart in many ways.

I find this quite interesting, as I recently did almost the same playing with canon with you did, though I chose to focus on Edmund's perspective and a much more chaotic nature of the train crash. Yours, however, has a nice sort of flowing calm, which I find very plausible. Peter(and Edmund too for that matter) hang on the edge of death as one fights off sleep, except everything is more pronounced. I'm not sure I'm making much sense, and what I'm trying to get across is much more than "I like it alot". I guess a better way to put it is I like your style of writing.

the shadow proves the sunshine

Wow! That was great! He never did get to say goodbye to Lu, though...

Aw! Poor Ed and Pete (and Lu, wherever she is)! The Last Battle end is so SAD! And poor, lost Susan is left all by herself... :(

I LOVE Ed and Pete's relationship! They're so beautiful, especially Ed's near-to-last words about how Peter was always the one keeping them together! U

Rock on! U *U*

Ever-so sincerely signed,

Shizuku Tsukishima749 :D ;D :) ;)

OMG! I love this! I was crying and crying! Such wodnerful description and a good example of brotherly bonds than can never be broken. PLEASE WRITE MORE LIKE THESE!

*Sobs*. Why did they have to die? Why! It's not your fault of course. It's Clive's. I'm reviewing with a wet keyboard again. Might die at any second.

Very well written. I loved it.

I never considered the fact that the Pevensies were not killed instantly in the train crash, so this was really interesting to read.

I think Peter's character was spot-on; even when he's in so much pain, he's worried about his siblings. I also liked how Edmund told Peter that he had always been magnificent. He probably wouldn't have told him otherwise; Death breaks down all barriers. I also liked Ed's reassurance that none of what was happening was Peter's fault, and how he knew that Peter would be thinking about that. There are so many things beyond our control, after all. Death is one of them.

I'm glad they weren't afraid, and that they had each other in the end. Nicely done! :)

As sad and heartbreaking as this is...I really like it. Shows the two brothers' bond wonderfully, shows their characters wonderfully. Well done!

Best Regards,

Sentimental Star

I like it. I've never thought about Peter and Ed's last thoughts or words. You did a great job, keep it up.

Narniachick

oh my goodness...

i haven't been on this site for months and this is the first story i stumbled upon...and I LOVED IT

you showed their characters so well and it made me cry T_T

oh gosh, it was so scary yet it was the most beautiful thing i have read in a long time

i love this!

keep up the awesome work and i can't wait to read your future stories