The opening sentence/two lines I felt were a great introduction to the story. The scene right after the sinking was heavily focused on Rose and Jack, but the lingering threat of the ice and chilling temperature was always there, to me it is a very big part of the scene because it kills so many people, Jack included and almost takes Rose too. So describing the cold and the ice being heavy in her hair was great.

[people smudged as they shifted] I might actually have to steal this line in the future if I remember, it's fantastic!

[She took her very first steps for the second time] I like how you've almost implied that she's been born again, almost. I also like the contradiction of this sentence, taking her 'first steps' for a 'second time'.

You have a great flow to your sentences; this story was easy to follow and not jarring at all.

I loved this piece. I thought it was poignant and touching and extremely fitting of the story of Titanic. You have a great literary voice and create beautifully vibrant characters that spring to life. A few of the lines I loved were:

((As she finally went to take a seat on the deck, the air around her stank of desperation and tears. Women begged for news of their husbands, their sons, and their brothers. Children stared with hollow eyes too old for their innocent faces. They were all connected now by the devastation. 'Stranger' was not relevant. Class and rank, for the moment, became the fickle thing that it was. As everyone came back to themselves, they became their loss. Who would she be when she thawed?))-Absolutely most powerful statement in this fic. I don't need to wax philosophical about why I liked it, it's clear why: tragedy has happened and now united people who were once separated by class and gender.

((The deck of the Carpathia was crowded with huddled people, the recovered lifeboats of the Titanic, and a massive pile of lifebelts that should have been bigger. Over all the tumult, Rose felt each one of Cal's footsteps reverberate through her body like aftershocks from a bomb. Her senses were hyper-aware of his every move, and when she heard his swift intake of breath, she knew he had seen her. His footsteps picked up their pace, but all she could do was sit there, rigid with dread as he hurried towards her.))-I could feel Rose's panic and fear here, her desperation to not be found and drug back into the closed world that she'd just become liberated from. Absolutely perfect.

((So many people came to this country hoping for a new life. So many on the Titanic that she'd known, people she'd danced with and laughed with, were never going to get that chance now. She and Jack would never get that chance.))-This is the line where I had tears in my eyes. Just captures the tragedy perfectly and sums up the emotional driven thoughts of the survivors at that time.

((Why couldn't she become a woman that stood tall on her own, like Lady Liberty?))-THIS! Women everywhere need to scream this!

((She looked down at the jade butterfly hair comb-her favorite as a girl-clutched in her aged hands. That it had been one of the few things recovered from the wreckage seemed very fitting to her. It was like it'd been waiting to return to her all these years, at this very moment. Tracing its wings with a gentle finger, Rose smiled as she remembered how she'd always felt an unidentifiable yearning whenever she'd looked at it.))-beautiful image. I feel like you connect young Rosé and old Rose here beautifully with the use of the butterfly comb. And I love the idea of the comb being a tangible objec that had been waiting to return to Rose ( and bring her home).

((Rose looked at the listeners before her, her eyes bright with wisdom and memories. "Can you exchange one life for another? A caterpillar turns into a butterfly. If a mindless insect can do it, why couldn't I? Was it anymore unimaginable than the sinking of the Titanic?"))- Excellent statement. Very true, and depressingly accurate. Who imagined then that the unsinkable was going to sink? Nobody. So then why couldn't a girl of wealth and privilege, a sheltered little caterpillar, not become a butterfly? Was it any more unbelievable? Absolutely not.

Minor point:

((She looked back down at the comb, and it was like looking through a time tunnel, at that girl standing on a dock so very long ago, as the woman she had hardly dared to imagine becoming.))- I would move this line up to the previous paragraph and close with Rose's statement. Rosie's statement should be the closer because of the emotional weight that the question leaves a reader feeling. But that is just my opinion :)

Amazing story, absolutely amazing. You captured everything brilliantly and told a story that left me with tears in my eyes. Excellent job!

This was beautifully, vividly written. You have a deft hand with crisp, effective imagery. I could so clearly picture and feel what was happening with Rose. There were a few instances where I thought the language was a bit too flowery as to weigh down the prose, but the occurrences of that were negligible. The scene with Cal was also great - I could really sense his despair and earnestness in hoping to find her. There was a good tension to that scene.

You had so many great lines I loved in this that I could quote you back a text wall of it. Here's just a few:
-/As everyone came back to themselves, they became their loss. Who would she be when she thawed?/
-/As the sound of his footsteps became distant, Rose dared to turn around and watch her old life walk away./
-/She'd been brought home in chains, but there they lay, broken at Lady Liberty's feet./

-All three are beautifully phrased lines that carry a lot of weight in meaning.

And I loved the metaphor tie in of the comb and her own transformation at the end as well. It was a nice way to close off the piece.

I've never read any Titanic fics before, which I really should do in the future, because I'd forgotten how much I love that movie... how much? I think I saw it fifteen times at the cinema, which is saying a lot because I was fifteen at the time... sixteen years ago.

Ouch.

Anyway, I really like the concept for this- I'm a fan of "deleted scenes" or "expanded scenes" fics, especially because they tend to stick so closely to canon.

I would look at drastically shortening your A/N or putting it at the end of this; as a reader, I don't like having to wade through A/Ns to get to the actual fic, especially if those A/Ns are not directly about the narrative.

I love the opener and the feeling of numbness and reality-break; I remember that being very powerful in the actual movie.

You know, I'm surprised Rose survived, and with all her limbs- hypothermia is a horrible thing. But we know for a fact that people did survive the water, so it's not unrealistic... just amazing.

I love the imagery of Lowe manually wrapping her fingers around the tea. Good old Lowe. I liked him.

"Blankets appeared..." and again you've given an excellent rendition of this-is-not-real by writing passive sentences like this. Well done.

I really like that you didn't demonise Cal. It's too easy to turn him into a snarling villain who would probably tie Rose to a train track once they got to dry land.

I'd forgotten about the butterfly on the hair-comb, so at first the title didn't make sense to me, but then it was brilliant, especially with the caterpillar metaphor. Well done indeed.

I really enjoyed this. If "enjoyed" is the right word? I really like the way you made the ending sound hopeful even though the beginning of the story was so grounded in the sad parts of what happened to her. I especially liked the way you described her metaphorical chains falling away at the feet of Lady Liberty.

In the beginning of the story, I thought all your descriptions were really visceral and engaging, which was awesome. The whole scene with Cal was intense, too, and I loved the whole idea that she could hear him coming and know it was him from just the footsteps.

I think my favorite part, though, was when you said "She'd been wetter." That sentence just really killed me emotionally and I thought it was just brilliant and poignant and interesting.

Good job! :)

Wow… This was a truly stunning piece. Rose's perceptions were exquisitely well written and she seemed so numb, it was really heart-breaking. The atmosphere of the ship was truly chilling… I loved how Rose almost fell and people had to move her around like a broken doll. Her last memory with Jack was heart-wrenching. And Cal's part was so very sad and so very intense.
The ending was quite hopeful, it made quite the contrast to the rest of the piece but that was a very nice choice… Showed that no matter how shattered Rose felt, she would still find the strength in herself to move on and carry on living. Such strength. It was really great work!

My goodness, very beautiful what you have here. Emotional, and a nice reminiscence of that scene. Her stumbling, her numbness, her saddeness, and her panic too with Cal's appearance. The class and rank status not mattering was a great point to tie on. I mean, really, you did a great job on this. Brilliant! Cheers!

Tune

Good work in portraying her as shocked and numb from the sheer enormity of the disaster, and good job showing her taking the first initial mental steps on her own to rebuild her life.

First of all, I LOVE your disclaimer. Very clever and very funny. And, what a beautiful story this was! So, of course, Rose would be my favorite Titanic character. Pretty much every girl loves her, doesn't she? Well, a story about her thoughts, her musings, her feelings about Jack would be right up my alley. And, certainly she'd feel that way. You have such a lovely way with words! I loved how we felt her sadness, her fear when she hoped Cal wouldn't spot her, and then, her freedom as she said, "Rose Dawson." And, the best part-being compared to a butterfly. I loved that. An awesome, awesome story. Thank you so much. :)

This was absolutely beautiful. You do such a spectacular job making me feel all of her emotions (or lack thereof) that I was hooked until the very end.

You have such lovely descriptions and you were able to weave the flashbacks in seamlessly. I really loved this piece. Thank you so much for sharing! Very well done!

Aww poor Rose, this was a really good story, really good description.

If I had way more words to describe this I would use them, but I don't.

So I'm just going to say that it was phenomonally beautiful. (:

I cry in that extended scene it is so sad! Well done witht he story!

Beautiful! You got Rose's character just right. The flashback scenes were very well done, and I particularly like the part where you mix all the flashbacks together. This was quite moving.

I added this story to the Reviews Lounge, Too community which spotlights under-reviewed authors and tries to up their review count. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me! )

...oh my goodness. This was...oh, WOW. I normally don't read these oneshots about Rose after the Titanic, but this was on Megfly's Favorites, and since she has extremely good taste in fanfiction, I decided to take a look.

AND BOY, I AM GLAD I DID.

This was just...PHENOMENAL. The descriptions evoke so much emotion, it's really quite a talent. I especially loved the line, "When would she thaw out?" And how Cal's shadow coasted across her back and how her chains lay at the feet of Lady Liberty...AMAZING.

This was a BEAUTIFUL piece of work! I hope you write more like it!