Aw exllcent fic

I thought that I had read nearly every TLM story on FanFiction Rosa, but while I was doing something else on the web found this link with your name on it. I didn't remember reading it before. Shall I just say that like so many other stories you have written, this was incredible? I suppose I could say a lot more, analyze every sentence and express the beauty I found in them. This is one of my favorite moments in the movie that we only get a hint of through Eric's distant words and the images in Ursula's cauldron. You brought it to life. Gorgeous, simply gorgeous!

-Axantur

This was beautiful, the scene was very well set up and both Ariel and Eric seemed so much like themselves. You are a very talented writer and I can't wait to read more of your work.

GAH, this is so good! So sad, but so wonderful! I think that Eric is a pretty hard character to write, because you don't actually learn all that much about him from the canon material, so you basically have to make up your own version of him (that's what I've struggled with at least). You executed this wonderfully, and it was a brilliant piece of introspection.

wow! nice job!

I haven't see the Little Mermaid in so long, but I do remember that this take place after the famous "Kiss the Girl" music number. So here we go.

First off, the title helps to show a big contrast to what Ariel feels physically and then emotionally. Physically, we see her in the cold water of the lagoon after Flotsam and Jetsam tries to drown her. Then we see the burning flames as her innocents does not understand fire (to be fair there's no such thing as fire underwater). It shows the signs of fear versus curiosity and relief.

second, we have Prince Eric who acts warm toward Ariel and helps her out, treating her like a princess. Then he walks away and it feels so cold to Ariel, who has no idea what went wrong and nothing to say to him. So thus the emotions of warmth with being with Prince Eric turns to cold when he leaves her. Nice.

It's such a beautiful scene of lights, darks, ice and heat. I love how it played back and forth with it ending having Eric and Ariel cold for different reasons. Eric not able to admit that he did something bad (it's not really his fault though) and Ariel unable to communicate her grief to anyone leaves it with an empty feeling in everyone's hearts. All we know from here is that it will take a while before the two will be forgiving each other and smiling once more.

Beautiful one shot that shows the dynamics of both of our love interests. Thank you for writing.

I like how you haven't forgotten Ariel's sudden switch, how the place she used to feel so safe in is no longer home, how vulnerable to it she is now. It made this piece very realistic for me.

Touching on Ariel wondering why the boat tipped over was good, and then having her discard it, thinking it was nothing when it most certainly wasn't.

You've remembered to keep her innocently naive and curious about our world, which is good, it keeps her in character, making it easy for your readers to follow the story without getting pulled out of it by OOC-ness.

Ahh! The ending was awesome! From what I can remember of the film, we never see the aftermath, so we don't get to see what might've happened between them. Have Eric react like this was keeping him in character and a little heartbreaking for me to read.

[and that her heart lay at her feet.] Great ending!

I really liked this. It's an interesting look at Ariel after the boating incident, and an examination of how she is coping with being human.

I liked how you started out with the lagoon water seeming cold and strange to Ariel, since the water is not like she remembers it - she can't breathe it anymore or swim through it like she used to.

I also thought that it was neat that you added the part with the campfire, since Ariel had wondered about fire before when she was a mermaid. It's an interesting contrast water/fire heat/cold, and also how she deal with something that used to be familiar but is now dangerous, and how everything else is new (and sometimes dangerous) to her as well.

I also thought it was very in character of her to try and touch the fire. At least she has Eric and other humans around to keep her safe when she makes mistakes.

Overall, this was a well-written, easy to follow oneshot, and an enjoyable read. Good job!

I never thought to read fan fiction of Disney movies, but I quite enjoyed this elaboration of the scene on your part here. This was lovely. Wonderful characterization of both Eric and Ariel. We can really feel him fighting against himself, really get the sense that he is attracted to her and is fighting it, more so than I got from the movie. For Ariel, you were able to capture how novel this whole human experience is for her in all its fear and fascination. I particularly loved how you wrote the experience of fire from the viewpoint of someone who has no idea what it is. I just have one little suggestion there which is that you described it as "It burned brighter, stronger, spreading as the prince blew on it." - but Ariel doesn't yet have a concept of what "burn" is at that point, so to keep it in her POV, I would suggest describing it another way. The ending of this piece was pitch perfect. /Unbeknownst to her, her cheeks were becoming strangely wet. All Ariel was aware of was how cold she felt inside, and that her heart lay at her feet./ - Really poignant. Nicely done.

Ooh I've never read a Little Mermaid fic before, but it was really easy to get into it right away! So this is right after the boat scene, it looks like! I'm glad we get to see it from Ariel's perspective since, well, she can't talk haha, so at least we can see her thoughts here. (And it just occurred to me that this is the first time she would've seen fire since like, underwater haha so the whole warming up thing and the fascination was really genuine to the movie). Hehe she probably doesn't understand heartbreak that well either by the sounds of it, aww, I feel for her. (At least the movie makes up for that XD) Thanks so much for the read! It was really nice to see. :) Cheers!

Tune

Warning: Mostly fandom blind, so I can't tell you anything about characterization.

Your writing itself was very good, and I'm glad I'm reading through this one. I think that your opposite descriptions, of both the water and the fire were excellent, and I'm glad that you're using them in that way. Your writing flows very well, I couldn't find nearly any choppy areas, and I think that I was really enjoying it.

The contradiction of water and fire, while over used, to some extend, was still very good, as well as the somewhat cliché warm/cold contradiction. However, these were the main points of the piece, so I can excuse them.

Your dialogue was also very good, I could hear the voices, and I think that it was a good choice to have so much dialogue. I was a little confused at parts, but that's likely because I'm fandom blind, so I'm just going to say that you did an all around-good job with this.

Awww, The Little Mermaid is one of my favorite Disney tales, so I really loved this piece. I always hated that the boat ride was ruined by Flotsam and Jetsam, so I really love that you wrote a piece about what happened immediately after that. Not only that, I love that this was from Ariel's perspective since she couldn't talk during that time, so it was really wonderful to know her thoughts and feelings. I also love that some of the feelings she experienced were quite new for her. It makes sense since she'd never been in love before. Not only that, I loved the part about the fire and her not quite understanding. I love that she and Eric found a way to communicate, though, even though she couldn't speak. I love that Ariel sometimes has to try more than once, but she and Eric seem to have a deeper understanding of one another than others have. I do wonder why Eric held back a bit, but you know it was probably because at that time, he believed Ariel wasn't the one who had saved him and he wanted to find her. But I also love that Eric's holding back a bit, and your dialogue conveys that extremely well. The ending was really sad, and I felt bad for Ariel there. But we all know the story ends happily afterwards. I really loved this story. Well done. :)

I love the comparison you make between how Ariel was with the water before and now. I think that’s really neat. It sort of sad the fact she had that fear of water. It’s cute that he gets her out of the water and then starts a fire. I thought it was cute that he rubbed her hands together. Poor Ariel… It was sad to see him apologize for the almost kiss. This was cute.

I really, really liked this story. One of my favorite Disney animated films happens to be The Little Mermaid (my absolute fav is Sleeping Beauty), and I loved the lagoon scene especially because of how romantic a moment it was supposed to be. I love how you built from it and showed Ariel having a conflict with the water- it made her seem more human to me, a character we can more easily relate to because of her sudden fear of drowning, and of being cold after she exits the chilly water. I also liked how you had Eric feeling conflicted and confused (and a bit embarrassed) about his being interested in this beautiful girl that just happened onto the beach by his castle. It made him seem more human, less princely, and more charmingly sweet. I think you've created a really sweet and poignant piece, which is why I am not not going to nitpick what I feel is already working. Absolutely excellent work, and this is a truly wonderful story!

Hi :) I've never read any Little Mermaid fics before, but this seems as good a place as any to start :) I loved the Disney one as a kid, though the Andersen version kind of makes me want to jump off a bridge.

"She still could not breathe..." I can imagine that the experience would have been genuinely terrifying, because every single one of Ariel's water-instincts would be useless to her. A very clever way of pointing that out.

"He asked worriedly"- undeniably nitpicky of me, but I'd be tempted to leave "worriedly" out, as Eric's concern is heavily implied in the words themselves. Same with "the words were assuring and calming."

"The fire is too hot..." I really love Eric's patience here. D'aww. She may have fallen for him in a red-hot second when for all she knew he was an evil mastermind, but he really was a decent guy.

Oh, the poignancy of that last paragraph. Such a sad story, really- even the Disney version. Lovely story x