Please Continue!

Nice Story! I look forward to possibly reading more of the story one day.

This fanfic is great.

You're evil. You gave us a cliffhanger. CLIFFHANGERS ARE EVIL! EVIL!

Great chapter. Please update soon.

at first i'd like to wonder: how the h*ll did you find my e-mail and send me that... and why 'me' specifically? though i get the feeling this is something rather 'general' that was sent to quite a few people, whatever... still kinda weird -.- effective, but weird...

now for the part that's not just 'its good, continue' XP

(and believe me, when you ask for someone that gives 'long- $$ reviews' you've come to the right place . )

what do i think about your story so far... hmm... for some reason the word 'cute' comes to mind XP but yea, seriously, it is kinda 'cute', i'm not sure 'why' it just gives that kinda vibe...

now, you say that you'll have a lot of crosses up in here, well, my friend, there is barely a thing in this existence i don't know! *cough* okay so there's ALOT i don't, but the point is, i'm well versed and will be looking for these 'other' things XP such as your whole '9 pillars' thing with Kyuu-kun's cage, cute look for him by the way, semi-furry-ish, though i'm guessing he'd look more 'were' then just 'fur'... anyway, about those pillars, i've been curious since they were mentioned, especially since there's 9 of them, and yes that can be explained with Kyuu's tails and whatnot, but i'm wondering if they're anything like the pillars of Nosgoth, from Legacy of Kain, probably not 'exactly' like them, but in the sense that they are the representation of a 'force' or power that is governed by Kyuubi? i get the feeling Naruto will be able to 'inherit' or use these abilities, or master some aspect of them and it will change something on the pillars to signify this 'change' in him... but that's for a later date's analysis .

naruto's new look, i'm thinking its kinda like Dante from DMC, only white, and a cloak not a jacket, though i'd personally prefer the jacket, but that's me, and i'm guessing he's seeking to emulate Kyuu's real form, that was funny by the way, Kyuu being like 'its all a lie!' and laughs, well he is a kitsune, i expect everything from him to be a joke XD it is an interesting look, i'll say, and i suppose white is 'better' then orange in some aspects, at least its better camo at a distance XD

Naruto's abilities, now if they are as you say, just him manipulating chakra, i've got not beef with that, because i can completely understand that kind of ability being gain by mere 'mental' training, even hundreds of years is nothing for the mind to process, so this i can accept, i can't, although, accept him suddenly having 'physical' capabilities beyond his normal ones, yes his chakra 'can' enhance his abilities, but he's only had experience, LOTS of experience, with it, but only in his mind, not in the physical world, there is an extreme difference, the connection between the body and mind is a lot longer then simply 'thinking', his body has no experience with these abilities, so i'd assume he'd have to work through that, thus the 'actual' training he will presumidly have to go through in life for his body to catch up with his mind, manipulating elements is a matter of mental exertion, and he's had hundreds of mental years to perfect that, but his physical abilities should still be sub-par to what they 'are', and his physical chakra network i'd assume would need to be 'stretched' more, so to speak, to become used to him forcing amounts of chakra to cetrtain body parts to enhance them, but they shouldn't be 'perfect' right of the bat, capable, but not perfect, and he wouldn't have the kind of reflexes or other physical capabilities only hours upon hours upon hours of physical training and repetition can beat into muscle and bone, so while he can 'think' his fighting, and be 'good' at it, it as well shouldn't be 'perfect'... there's always room for improvement somewhere, and for this naruto his physical abilities would be it, in my opinion...

and yes i did laugh at the biting bubble, cause i totally expected that XD

and i'll not lie, the bell test... 'eh'... i've read it so many times, the biting bubble was fun, and the thoughts of 'oh god this is my team?' from both naruto and kakashi was kinda funny, hehe, but the rest was relatively cannon-ish... so meh... and it was short, which is odd, that it is both 'good' and 'bad' XP personally i think there could have been a bit more detail in some parts, but then again i think we all just want to be over this part... XD and the fight was decent, but again i think there can be a bit more detail, fight scenes are hard, in my opinion, to get right, there's a 'right' amount of detail and lack there-of, its weird, but its just so short, and quick in my opinion... *shrugs* then again i read really LLOONNGG stuff XD so maybe its just me XP

overall i think its a really good start, and i eagerly await what you have in store next .

Till next *salute-waves* Sayounara!

-Ikasury

Really now, if Leaf Ranger is Betaing this, his doing an awfull job...

I suggest you look for a real Beta, since I myself don't think I'll always be able to help your story. For better or for worse, I have my own business to atend do yet that doesn't mean that I can't help at all.

All in all, there are plenty of mistakes here that are quite visible, both in the way of literature and in grammar. For Literature, there is little I can do since I won't allow myself to make your writing better by replacing what you write. No, this is something for and only you to do. All I can do is give you tips and try to help out in any other way )

Oh, and something else... you shouldn't make it a Super Naruto story. People... don't like it when Naruto can just pwn everything that stands in his way. When it's hard and he somehow manages, that's when the spice rolls in. Like Towards The Heaven, if you haven't noticed, for better or for worse Naruto has yet to actually beat a strong opponent in a battle. Hakai is still too strong while the only battle the company has won was over those Hyuuga guards that had gone on pursuit.

People like it when Naruto has hardships. It makes it less boring... you will understand, some day.

Till we meet again,

HoNdeR All Mighty

I hate harems... they ruin the whole meaning of the word 'love' in a romantic way and are proven to unballance ones state of mind.

I hate yaoi... gay people just needed something to write it seems...

I don't know what yuri is... xD

Here I am, you asked for a review, nicely and all, so who am I to dissapoint? No, no, you'll get a special edition here.

First of all, the backbone of any author: Grammar and Vocabulary.

You certainly have quite some lacks in the first, your Vocabulary is decent. I would suggest a Beta for Grammar or proofreading, but by the way the mistakes were made, I don't really know if it's due to your own lack of knowledge over it or because it was just a hasty mistake.

Now! Plot Design: Things seem interesting, a far more intriguing beginning than any other story with the Kyuubi night as a beginning. It has a good foothold to start, though you set things a little off with the... Minato 'oracling' things part

Emotions: Umm... average, I can say. Nothing too exceptional yet not the worst for the wear. It's... appealing, in the least. You'll also need some help on this one, though the basic way of learning this is through expirience usually.

The way you handle speech: This also needs a little work. Remember to always use capitals when beginning a speech "Example bla blah" blah blah "Example" see? After " you use a capital, quite simple. Remember it at all times.

The mistake of repeating: Oh glorious god, I've seen it in many, many fics. Others have it only by accident, making it less or more trivial, others don't have it at all, and others... well, they have it spread all over the place.

Yours is in between them all, but I see it quite frequently here. Since your vocabulary is labeled by me at least as, average, you could try and change these 'Repeating' mistakes. Example: Naruto did this and that "Blah blah blah" then he did something

Usually, replacing the word 'Naruto' with a simple 'he' can be really helpful. You might also use words like 'blond-haired teen' or 'Jinchuuriki (Though I don't recommend)' or 'loud-mouth' etcetera. BUT! Be warned that such synonyms are not to be used everywhere. The word 'HE' can be your best friend on this one. Of course, when having a discussion and you use TWO male characters, it is mostly recommended not to use 'He' that freguently as it can confuse the reader at times. Try using the synonyms I mentioned above, referring to each individuals characteristics respectfully.

Character Speech and Emotional Interaction along the way: Okay... this one will be hard for me to put into words. Here I go

First of all, be mindful of what you say. A characters speech always also gives away knowledge about his persona. If his words sound... let's just say, 'not like him', it will make it look more OOC that you might intend. I don't see such a mistake here, on the first chapter. You have it in a very small scale though I thought it wise to warn you from the start.

Emotional Interaction Along the Way: Okay, here I will say what I also think about the way you narrate:

First things first. Emotions. A key element. Narrating them skillfully can be the best attribute of a story. It's quite hard to explain, since such things usually come with expirience. But I'll try nonetheless.

Let's see. You shouldn't consider the way you narrate a real obstacle. Some better work on your grammar and a wider use of vocabulary can easily fix this. Though you'll have to be careful as to not overdo it. People don't like it when trivial moments get too much 'narration-time' . For example, when two characters interact with one another, a good course of action would be to explain emotions and body movements along the speech. Example: "You won't..." he said, voice unsure as he backed away a step. It was dangerous... too dangerous.

"Oh yes I will" his opponent replied, a vicious grin accompaning the bloodlust of his voice.

There you go. See how it's done? Notice that I imply both emotion and body movement, giving the reader a far more clear view of how things are. Of course, I can't expect you to master such tricks of literature yet,for neither have I, fully at least. It's something that mostly comes with expirience and intelligence usually. What you saw up there is a piece of my own writing style. You will eventually, however, create your own one. All authors around here have their own writing style. Some styles though are similar to others, unless the author has managed to make it unique. Yours is still in the average, not quite popping out of the rest. Which means, I couldn't differ your style from another's had I read a story of similar level.

So this is pretty much it. I have little else to say about your fic, I gave what tips I could for now. If I've missed anything, I'll try and put it in on another review.

Even so, I could suggest myself as a Beta reader for this one, if you think you could use some more help. It's your first fic, people won't expect much from you, but I hope that with my help you might kick it up a knotch )

This is all, for now.

Yours,

HoNdeR All Mighty

nice will naruto go on to manipulate just the elements or will he use jutsu as well

Please keep going. This is good.

Cool. This is cool.

Please keep going. this is good.

I like this. Nice 'Fate' story.

Great chapter. Please update soon.

Excellent start.

I like your story so far. So plz keep going and don't give up. Later _

A story about fate, first story ever for a naru-hina to make sense. Without an author controlling the fate those two wouldn't even be friends, last I checked he thought she was a weirdo.

I think that this is a very well written and thought out story line. I like very much the 'fate' character. I did notice a few typo's but not to many. I can't wait to read the next chapter, to see what Fate has instore for Naruto and bunch. And what did Fate mean when he said "dreams are never what they appear to be"?

Keep up the good work.