Really interesting read so far! I'm excited to see what Ahri will do now that they're becoming a padawan learner

Wow, good chapter, gotta read the next one.

Love the story, but at certain points it's pretty confusing

I think you have a very good writing style. It's concise, has excellent dialogue, and I like the insight we are given into Ahri's character. thanks for sharing!

seriously this padawan is a annoying

Personally, not into the sex scene thing. Otherwise, good chapter but felt kinda rushed.

~Ani

Great chapters take a while to produce. I can relate (seeing as how I'm trying to update my chapter-stories *sigh*). :-) Great job on this. Can't wait for the next one to be written... whenever that ends up being! Is fine with me. :-D

~Ani

Well, I think Barriss, Anakin, and Ferus would be more than willing to help Ahri. Good chapter. Nice long one! More, please?

This story is moving along well, but I have to admit all the italics and underlining was really tiring to my eyes. I couldn't read the whole chapter straight through because of it. I'd suggest that you keep everything in normal format, and use quotation marks when a person is speaking. Make the identity of the speaker known through the context.

The story has more of a script feel to it, and that really is a matter of preference and style. But I do miss the details and visuals that you gave in chapter one. Notice in chapter one, especially in the beginning and at the very end, that you describe scenes and actions to us. Details like that make the story richer (and will make it easier to drop the italized and underlined format if you want, since we'd know who is speaking by the context). It's hard to explain what I mean, it's a lot easier to show. So if you don't mind, may I hijack a scene from your chapter for illustrative purposes?

Scene:

*Next morning*

“Ahri? Ahrii? Time to get up, Master Yoda told me that he rescheduled our appointment with the Council for today and it starts in an hour in a half.”

What? Five more minutes.

“No, you need to get up, you have to get ready.”

Alright, I’m up.

“Good, I advice you to take a shower, it always helps me wake up.”

Ye *YAWN* Yes Master.

*forty-five minutes later*

Ready Master Fay!

“Good! I’ll be ready in a second.”

Now, here is the same scene, rewritten to “show” us more.

The morning sunlight was just starting to filter in through the window when Master Fay leaned over the teen’s sleeping form and began shaking his shoulder gently. “Ahri? Ahri?” He didn’t stir, so she shook just a bit more insistently. “Time to get up. Master Yoda told me that he rescheduled our appointment with the Council for today and it starts in an hour and a half.”

Ahri groaned and curled tighter into his sheets, “Whaat? Five more minutes,” he protested sleepily.

Master Fay was not feeling generous. “No, you need to get up. You have to get ready.”

“Alright, I’m up.” Ahri reluctantly pushed himself up from the mattress.

“Good. I advise you to take a shower,” the Jedi Master added “It always helps me wake up.”

“Ye-” a yawn punctuated the teen’s answer. He tried again. “Yes, Master”

Forty five minutes later, Ahri was fully dressed.

“Ready Master Fay!”

The older Jedi nodded. “Good, I’ll be ready in a second.”

end scene

Anyway, writing this way definitely takes practice, but it becomes easier with time! :) Just remember that the readers can’t see the scene that’s in your head, so with some of the spoken lines (not necessarily all) tack on a little bit about the person’s expression (grinning? raised eyebrow?), tone (whimper? condescending? sarcastic? shy?), or action (shuffled his feet nervously, tilted her chin confidently, leaned casually against the desk).

Also, you may want to consider giving more well-known canon characters a larger part in your story, as that would help keep people’s interest.

Anyway, it’s funny how Ahri is so adept in the Force, but knows little to nothing about the Temple. It’ll take him a while to get adjusted to his new home, it seems. :) You demonstrated that well, even with the fact that Jedi clothes are unfamiliar.

You've got the makings of a good story here. Ahri is an intriguing character, with a varied and rich experience despite his young age: Jedi initiate, "Field Commander", prisoner, and now padawan! Just watch out that he's not too perfect. He has so many abilities vastly beyond his peers, and he seems to excel at everything he touches. It makes him seem less real. Don't be afraid to give him flaws and make him actually be bad at something. :)

questions: Is Master Fay from canon, or is she an oc? Are we supposed to know why she's been away so long, or will that be explained later?

Also, I beg of you to keep in mind two words: Quotation marks.

" "

Yay! Please keep up the good work! I am lovin' the story so far. KEEP IT UP...KEEP IT UP...KEEP IT UP...