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It's good but do quotations for when they speak and a new space for when they think KAY! just constuctive critisism i did the same thing for my first story

.. / WAY bad grammar. And you couldn't spell skull. Which is a big thumbs down. WAY big thumbs down. Try again. /

Okay, this is the story you wanted me to review right? I hope so! lol.

I think that you defintely have a good idea going here. The only things is that your writing seems a little rushed. Maybe you could add a little more detail and make everything a little less bunched together. That's just me. Still, I like the idea and you have a great opportunity to make this very original. Unlike my stories. lmao. )

Very good but you shouldnt type in Chat speak. Most people dont read stories like that. But, i think its very good. Good luck _

Stupid Harold. I hate him. Please update.

this is really good bt it has a LOT of run on sentences (LOL i just reviewed those today!) you need to work on using commas otherwise great story!

1. please add more detail. (like 4-5 pages in microsoft word for a good length chapter)

2. it's "Skull" not "Scull"

3. punctuation.

other than that, it looks promising. I'd like to see what you do with it! _ Just wish it was easier to read.