NOOOOOOOO! How could he kill Edddddddddddddd? Other than that, the story was overall quite interesting. I kinda wished Mustang would set the guy who killed Ed on fire though. Again...How could he kill Edddddddddddddd?

OH MY GOD! NOOOOOO! THIS MADE ME CRY!
I 3 THIS STORY! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

Hey, it's me again.

This is good work. I can really see and hear the characters.

I liked it as fanfic, however, if Hiromu Arakawa had actually done this - I might have had to hurt her. Ed-kun can only die in fanfic!

Though, if (had better be when)you actually ever finish your piece "Forsaken", if you kill Ed I might have to be very cross with you. Then again, I could see that working, if that was part of the plan - but I hope not. I'm a bit of a fan of happy endings.

In the case of "Forsaken" I'm a bit of fan of - well - an ending. Period. (_)

I would assume that your writing (already quite good from what I have read) has only improved over the years, and you wrote this a few years ago. As such, critiques might be irrelevant at this point for this particular story. I think I'll add one anyway. (Because I could really only find one.)

The following sentence could use a bit of tightening up:

"A strangled gagging sound was heard from behind me, and I whipped around, my eyes catching on Edward."

One of the first things you learn about sentence mechanics is to avoid passive sentences - like the beginning of the above sentence. And this one is a good example of why. It feels clunky. Bit of a run-on as well. Personally, I would have tried writing it something like this:

"A strangled,gagging sound rose behind me. Whipping around, my eyes caught on Edward."

Well, sorry for rambling on like this. Continue honing your gift for Word-Smithery. I'll likely be back sometime to read more of your work.

Hey, I'm just an idiotic masochist talking. I'm one of those people who's favorite character always dies, be it movie, show, book, or video game. And if they don't, I go and read fanfiction, and they do there. Oh, and if I find a particularly good one, I favorite it, then keep forgetting it is what it is, rereading it, and bursting into tears cuz it's so damn good.

Prime example: Right now. I just watched Lady Jane with Helena Bonham Carter and Cary Elwes. Not really my style of movie, but I gave it a shot. First, my favorite character, King Edward, dies of some cancer-like illness. Then, at the end both Jane and her husband Guilford are beheaded. I cried. Like a baby. Then, seeking solace, I go onto fanfiction. Hehehe... I'm smart.

Cuz I re-stumbled upon this one, and, forgetting the contents, read it.

Do you see the intellgence?

Now then, this was awesome, but it made me cry, so I'm mad at you.

In about a month, when I repeat the process, I'll get over it. ;) It's just so damn good...

... I kind of feel bad for Winry in this one. It's really good, sad too. Here's a cookie. *Hands you a cookie*

(*0*) Gasp! you killed Ed... oh well, this is amazingly written!

-sorry 4 not leaving a review before... (-_-;)...

This was a very well written story in both plot line and GUMS. I liked very much.

hm. . . actually, i don't find anything wrong with it. . . . m . . . there's something bugging me, but i can't put a finger on it. . . gr. . . Is it because it sorta sounds like the "what happened before 'the bullet meant for him' story. . . HEY! maybe you can read "the bullet meant for him" story! it's also on and your story kinda tells what happens before it! well, technically yeah, if Ed didn't really die, and the "the bullet meant for him" didn't have Ed still in his red coat, and not on the way to the library, so technically YEAH! you could read it and see what in the world is bothering me! i say it's a real good story, so, maybe you can get ideas and you can fix what's bugging me, unless it was just a hallucination. . . i just don't know. . . uh sorry for the long review! heheheh (hey! just to tell you [completely out of nowhere] your pen name would be "Tenten" in japanese! _ yes, out of nowhere. . .)

Very well written and sad, makes me want to cry.

Wow, that was good. It was sad, but very well written. You killed Edo! Oh, well... But I've done it too...

NO! (or some other sort of agontizing scream)POOR WINRY! Edward is gone and dead.

oh, darn it, i'm crying...

love it! and your line break made me laugh despite what i had just read.

Ed can't die!

(I hope that was a clear and thoughtful statement of why I might not like it ;))

No, seriously, the shock value was well done here. Part of Roy's mind knows exactly what is happening, but it's hard to accept it.

T.T that is just so sad.

it's really well written, the part where he dies. i really felt moved, it's an exceptional deathfic. thank you so much for writing this.

You did a pretty good job on the detail and the story kept my attention!

It was very sad but I reallt liked it.

Nice job!