I enjoyed the first chapter was a bit hesitant to keep reading after I saw chapter 23, but your characterizations and descriptions are lovely, so nicely done.

I really, really liked your story and its really too bad, that you couldnt finish it. Troy and Ornella as a couple was really amazing. I think they are going to be one of my favorite pairings. And yes! Snowe was actually a great guy, exactly how he had to be in the game ( I so hated him S4 ). Lazlo and Paula together forever is seriously awesome! Kika being an Obel-princess kinda shocked me... So, I assume Flare takes up the throne after her fathers death? Should be, huh? Katarina and Kenneth... Im happy for them! And everyone who died... I was so grieving for every single one of them! Poor guys...

All in all it was great and again, too bad for the not out-written ending. I still put into my favos, though! b

Awesome story! I know the pains of writers block all too well, as I've had it like 7 years! 3rd person writing such as this story is far easier than the 1st person that I write. I too am in school again, not to mention raising a teen on top of that, I still find small inspirations to write half a chapter like once a month. Your story inspires me to at least finish the stories I have on this site, so thanks for that!

I am both content yet strongly frustrated.

I understand the constraint on time unable to finish this, yet I was so disappointed not to see a finalized version of this I didn't even want to look at it... until now I suppose. Reading over the blueprints is better than nothing I suppose.

And I must say, it's damn well good. I can picture all this clearly in my head and possibly fantasize this later as it gives a few of how Suikoden IV SHOULD have been, yet sadly was rushed and flawed. A final battle against the True Rune Soul Eater instead of a giant friggin' tree would have been great to see in your words, and some of the ideas are also good, like Kika a rebellious sister/queen of Obel's king and Helmut being Chris's great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather or something. And the Lazlo Paula moments were sweet... hope they never get bored of an eternal love to one another. Though given all they've been through, I'd say a lifetime or two of love and happiness is what they deserve... even if it goes to the end of time. Truly a happy ending for something dark as the Rune of Punishment.

I noticed a few plotholes though. Such as the base not much explained in the overview (unless I missed something) or the other 108 stars, like Flare. Granted, you can't remember ALL of them, but you DID forget Troy. You never said how he died, just did. He wrote a letter to Ornello with instructions on something, and next Ornello grieves his death.

All and all, you did well painting MOST of a story in such a way that is enjoyable. Take credit in that. Also take credit you are one of the few writers on this site that has the balls to admit you can't do this AND make a constellation chapter to let us know what you have planned. I still haven't updated my stuff in years, but that's beside the point.

You did really well, and I wish I saw Konami did a game like this (but it's sort of ironic; Suikoden IV, I suppose, shall always forever remain both a underdeveloped game and an unfinished fanfic). If you have plans to write your own novels, do so. I would buy them in a heartbeat. Until then, good luck in the future and hope to read more from you.

-Vegeta the 3rd

I'm glad you at least let us know what happened. I Love the LazloXPaula moment. It warmed my heart and made me very happy. I understand not having time to finish this, so, thanks for sharing at least this with us and good luck for whatever hits you next! D

I'm really sad that you can't continue this story. But at least you gave us a summary of what was to come and the end, that's more than other writers have done. Good luck with everything in your life, I wish you the best! :)

Hey, there! It's been a while, and I finally gotten around to reading one of your stories! Sorry it took this long. xP

Ah, Suikoden 4. Even if people rated it the worst, I like it more than I do with Suikoden 3, all because of the trinity system. But despite that, I played all the way to after the final war battle (before the final dungeon) and rage-quitted then because I was like, "WHAT? This is the final dungeon? But I haven't started yet!" So... yeah. That was a few years ago, so I'm afraid I don't remember much beyond the Gaien knight story arc at the beginning. x_x

Anyway, enough of my own ranting. Your writing style in this story is vastly different from mine in BoF3, but it's really good. I loved the prologue when Lino en Kuldes lost his family, and I loved how Lazlo was given his own distinct personality and how close he is to the four knights (Kenneth, Paula, Tal, Jewel). There are more things that I have in mind, but it has all already mentioned by other people, mainly Vegeta the 3rd. xP

One thing that I don't think was mentioned by other reviewers is how the point-of-view is flying about. No, don't get me wrong; I do understand that because Suikoden series have so many characters, it's important to have character development (as it expands the story and builds the emotion) and this is probably one of those "on one hand, but on the other hand" kind of thing. For people who have already played the game and are quite familiar with the story, they can relate with the characters easier, but for those who haven't, or those who have mostly forgotten the story (like me, haha), it's quite a bit confusing. There's no sense of who the actual main character is up to this point (even though those of us who played know it's Hero / Lazlo), and it looks as though everyone is a main character. There's that "Hey, who's Ishak again? Oh, yeah, he's the grandfather from some time ago" kind of feeling each time there's a PoV jump to a new character. There are a few established characters, such as Lazlo and the knights, Troy and Graham, but there are others who pop up for a moment then disappear and forgotten for a while, such as Kika, Frederica, and so on.

So, um, I guess my main point is that this is a great story to read for those who are familiar with the game, but not so for new readers (solely as a story). Then again, it might just be me who has the brain capacity of a tuna, and other people might not agree with me. So don't let it affect your great writing negatively. :)

That's about it for now. I think I'll go replay the game and read this story from scratch again to get a better idea. :D

Keep up the good work!

P.S. On a side note, Chapters 2 - 7 and 9 have double headings at the top, so you might want to fix that. o_o

o.O

Now that is worst case of railroading - one that is totally do NOT make sense. In original timeline that bullshit happened only because Snowe was in state of mental breakdown, hated hero for his own mistakes and he and his father pushed his mistakes on hero. With changed situation it impossible so what happened is total bullshit.

This is amazing, I love it. This is pretty different from the game, that's what makes it interesting.

Aah! Where's the rest of it? Way to write a cliffhanger, dude!

It's amazing. Really.

I was thrilled to find this story...I think it does so much for the characters of SIV that received the short end of the stick in terms of character development. But, moreso, I was thrilled to see that you're still writing! I will be reading more!

I never played s4, but this is good.

Thank you for letting us know about your updates. I wish you luck in your studies, I understand how busy it can get. I can wait whatever is necessary for the conclusion, so don't worry! _~

This story is amazing! And while I truly loved Suikoden IV, it lacks a certain sense of intrigue that makes you want to lose yourself in the story (perhaps it is all the comedy relief with that Nay-Kobold, who makes thankfully few appearances in your wonderful retelling). Thanks for rewriting it to awesome and I can't wait for an update!