brilliant thank you

Beautiful story. Well developed OCs while keeping others in character. Thank you.

that was a really cool story!

A wonderful and well-written piece of StarTrek with characters acting and thinking just like in the show a pleasure to read and get lost in the old feeling of watching the show. Great job!

Only one complain - it seam to be quite a while that you had written something and that's sad. There are a lot of StarTrek stories in the net but there are only a few that sound "right" like yours.

Hey, you know, this story was so nicely done that at the end of it I was tearing up. It's so hard to find well done (as well as completed) gen fics in anything, that finding this gem makes me feel very pleased and even privileged as a reader.

The writing was nice and detailed, if not a bit repetitive at times-I'm thinking particularly of the descriptions of their plan to attack the probe and how the probe worked in the last chapter. I thought what the probe was up to and what they were doing about it was well-established by that time and didn't need the certain repeats of the information. Other than that, however...I wished the story could have been longer (laugh).

Another wonderful thing about this story was the mystery of the beam. The revelation of what was going on was well paced and carefully factored in all throughout. It really shows that this work was not created too piecemeal, but was considered on the whole. Thank you. I found it a rewarding read for that reason.

I also enjoyed the planet's culture and the people the crew met on it. Well, done, enjoyable, very Star Trek, I thought.

So faved. Thank you for this great story.

Liashi

Oh, I loved this story! The ending was very sad, though. If only our world could be as friendly as Cheldis. :)

Well, I have one word for this story - it's fascinating. :) Seriously, I am absolutely enchanted. I can't quite tell you how much I enjoy stories where friendship is really explored, not just mentioned as a cliche of a sort. To fall in friendship, just as we fall in love. That phrase was so accurate and endearing. I loved how you separated the characters in this story, I loved their reactions. Nice work on Chekov and Scotty, too.

Kirk and Spock's friendship is my primary focus, but it is so very rare that authors give this relationship justice. You did. Your descriptions are so very true. Fondness without mushiness, a fragile balance which is so oftenly abused, here is preserved safely. Thank you for the great time I've had reading this.

Anna

That was a very well done story. Ending with Jaresh's quiet, but powerful words was a good method and it was well written. The probe being destroyed was nice, and I enjoyed both Chekov's wish to blast it and Spock's repetition of it to Kirk. The description of the scenes in the burning house was very strong and worked well for imagery. Serin's leaving was sad, but it was sad to me, because I am not of Cheldis - I am an outworlder, and I am not accustomed to their feelings about death. I'm glad that Serin and the others at least, were happy. The captain's log was a nice way to tidy things up. Again, this was a very well done story. Everything you write is well done - I have never seen something of yours go halfway. You are always able to provide a rich and understandable atmosphere with your eloquent words.

Some of what you write is very deep. You seem to be rather a philosopher.

The plan for the destruction of the beam was at first to me nearly incomprehensible technobabble, but when you explained in greater detail and simpler terms, I mostly understood it and am pleased not only to understand it, but to understand that it makes sense - and in a very Trek tradition. I enjoyed the time with Kirk and Scotty and am pleased to see them connecting - the part where Kirk placed a hand on him was great. Jaresh's scrutiny of the outworlder's friendships and the differences between theirs and his own as well as his contemplation of death were very deep as I said and very well rendered. Jaresh approaches such thoughts with a very alien mindset which is quite realistic. You are very good at expressing such thoughts.

This chapter spoke of such a developed sphere - the people, the planet, the plot, the feelings - it all seems easy and natural. It's easy to understand and accept and feel as something real that you've created. All the little tidbit descriptions of the kids and little thoughts of the characters - Spock's allusion to Muhammad - all very much enhance a believable and workable atmosphere. Kirk and Scotty talking like that was very unusual - I'll be interested to see the full resolution of that part of the story.

This chapter was less enjoyable, though not less well written. You're doing an excellent job of conveying thoughts and fatigue. I like the way that even Chekov was drawn into the aura of being Kirk's friend - and by Spock, no less - but how Scotty ended on still feeling isolated from Kirk's friendship. I would have preferred a more definite explanation of how Kirk got better - although Spock did place his fingers on Kirk's face - but at least he's better. The contact with everyone may have helped.

This was such an amazing chapter. The talk between Spock and Jerosh was a very beautiful way to allow for the expression and understanding of and between two cultures - and the value that friendship holds for each of them. And what they - especially Spock - said about Chekov was kind of sweet. But the stuff with Scotty was wonderful. It was so interesting and unique to explore Scotty's feelings and how he views his relationship with Kirk in comparison to Spock's or McCoy's. The way Scotty's thoughts have been progressing in this direction throughout is very artful - I recall him thinking about if McCoy had gone along instead of him, they would have been one big, happy family. It meant little at the time I read it, but now that this chapter has come up, I can feel it being referred back to. Serin and Gerain are also good characters - all of your OCs are great - and the development that they're immune to infection is cool. The clash between their culture and what Scotty is used to is quite intriguing. Kirk's dreams were also cool and I love the way Serin speculated that maybe he was trying to say 'Scott' because 'Spock' made no sense to her. This was a great chapter.

Oh my gosh! What a wonderful cliffhanger ending for this chapter! That totally surprised me - this is not good! What a unique idea, having the beam destroy copper. However, it also destroyed Chekov's ankle, yet the remaining metal in Jaresh's tumbler wasn't destroyed... The beam seems to be selective. This is quite well crafted. The mystery keeps deepening, making me more and more curious. Awesome writing!

This is all really well done. It's interesting to have them in two groups. I like the fairly even focus on all of the characters - it's nice to have some time spent on Scotty and Chekov for a change. Again, description rocks and I love the little tidbits of wondering about the force field, the light, and the hillside. I want to know how they fit together, too.

This is a fantastic beginning. Your writing and description, as always, is superb, and your characterization is also difficult to find fault with. The focus on the natives is interesting and intrigues me as to what role they will play in the story. The force field and energy beam are also quite intriguing. I loved the part where Spock makes Chekov hit him and Chekov is so totally confused!