Next Plis

Great, that last bit had me dying of laughter. Please continue soon. ;)

please update

dude, this story is awesome and you need to finish it!

I can't wait to read more of this story! You are doing an amazing job on it! I hope to read more real soon! Great job!

You know who's funny?

Anko.

You know what would make this funnier?

An angry Mina-chan and Anko arguing.

interesting fic, can't wait to read more of it

Twin1: Stupid computer won't let me log in. Anyway...

Um, yeah. This is kind of awkward... I don't usually like to leave negative reviews, but...

Right. The first chapter of this story was good - perhaps a little rushed, and your sentence structure and grammar needs work, but overall a good starter. It got me interested, at least.

The second chapter was a bit... 'more of the same', really, but it was still interesting enough to make me click the 'next chapter' button. (Good job - that's hard to make me do.)

Unfortunately, the third chapter was illogical and very rushed. My big problem with it: WHY would Minato put Naruto in the orphanage? He is a HOKAGE. It irks me how everyone always seems to underestimate the kages. They are the best in the village. If anyone could protect and care for a child that most of the village wants dead, it's the BEST IN THE VILLAGE! Get it?

Now, it is understandable that Minato might want to protect his son from assassins and the like, but in reality, he wouldn't abandon him in an orphanage... with little to no protection... away from the public eye... where just about anyone could get to him. Mind you, you COULD make a good case for it, but if you really wanted to dump him in the orphanage, you need to explain and reason. I think you did have Minato mention a reason somewhere in there, but in all reality, a single sentence is not going to cut it. You need a long discussion with someone he trusts, going over the pros and cons of baby dumping. Kakashi, for example.

Which brings me to my next point. Kakashi/Minato dynamics are so way off in this story. PLEASE fix that. Kakashi doesn't 'sir' Minato. He 'sensei's him. Kakashi and Minato are much closer than ordinary shinobi, because Kakashi was Minato's student since he was five (when he made genin)and a strong bond formed between them. Kakashi is actualy like Minato's son, more than his subordinate.

Okay, last point. You are being very vague and hard to follow in your writing. There is a lot of speech with little narration, which makes the story bugger all difficult to follow. A simple, '"..." said Kakashi' or '"..." Minato chuckled' on the end of speech to indicate who is saying what clears a lot of things up. This is needed on at least ninety percent of dialogue.

Okay. Keep those points in mind when you write and this story could go far. You have the begginings of a good author, just try not to rush and take your time to explain everything.

A good tip or trick to use is to ask yourself the question 'Is it in my head or on the page?' We readers can only see what is on the page, so if you leave facts up in your head without writing them down, we are left in the dark.

Right. I'll poke my nose back in in a couple of months, to see how you're going. Until then.

Sincerely,

Twin1

Great fic like the writing style you used.

This is pure genious...

totally took me by surprise how minato reacted... really nicely done.. though i wonder if he will have an "underhand" in guiding naruto by having "strangers" train him... as to keep naruto well trained (not super strong, just enough to not be a retard) without having suspicions thrown his way...

that would be nice, mainly cuz i hate reading "weak / retard" naruto fics... manga does that more than needed as is...

cant wait for the next chapter

Vrey interesting so far. Please update soon .

Lolz, loved the ending xD

'nyways, I shall be reading on :)

!

Hey! This is a pretty good story so far!

I'm looking forward to reading more!

i hate minato, i hope naruto wouldnt forgive him