Wow, this is really well written! My brain's a little dead today so I can't quite be specific about what I like, but you really capture his emotion well.

This is definitely sad. But at least it's not semi-AU, and we know that he turns out okay in the end. ]

*cries* Darn! There I am crying again... I'd better just put you on my fave authors and be done with it. You have such a powerful style. You use simple words combined to drive home an emotional point, and it works astonishingly well. Have you ever cosidered a professional writing carreer? Maybe short stories or poems or something... But if you ever write a novel, PM me, because I'd definitely read it!

Short but very moving. I like how you capture Riku's thoughts and feelings perfectly. Jealous IS an ugly thing.

Beautiful. :D

Interesting. A little broken at times, but nice.

Ooh I like the quoted bits. You don't even need a full verse, those two lines strike hard on their own. And they fit. And yeah.

The content - it's an excellent reflection of Riku's feelings at that stage of the game, but while you've written it well, I just have to say... it's not like this short story brings anything new to the reader. It's a pretty obvious retelling.

Apart from that, the actions and the angst are nicely balanced, and the way in which his thoughts build up in the last few lines is quite effective.

C2'd. :)