Hey!

It's great to see a new update from you! I'll await new uploads eagerly.

Great first chapter. You're very talented and have a gift for writing. Looking forward to the following chapters!

OMG, you're back with another chapter. 8D

/dies

i really like this and i would like it if you could update, too... if it's not too much trouble

It’s been a year or so, but I’m back! And I bring my incredibly detailed review with random forced bits of comedy thrown in as well! That’s right! The Von Rosen Report is back! Don’t expect me to say that it’s better, faster, stronger… Because it’s not! The only improvement is that I fixed that friggin’ confetti cannon! [*looks to the cannon that looks oddly similar to the Portal turrets*]

That’s right! Now with its laser guided camera and AI programming upgrade, this little baby will now know when it’s okay and when it’s NOT okay to shoot confetti whenever I say “Awesome Sauce”. [*whispers*] I swear, I almost lost an eye the last time.

ANYWAY! There’s going to be a little change to my usual style of reviewing. I will continue to review each major section at a time, giving praise where it is deserved, and giving my opinion as to what needs to be improved. However, I will now also do a brief part at the end of each review where I will give an overall “grade”, for lack of a better term. Don’t consider it to be a “pass” or “fail” thing. I will simply go over the major points needed in any piece of writing: diction, grammar mechanics, plot (the relevance of the events as well), character development (taking past and current events into consideration), believability/realism (in other words, can you convince me that this is happening and that I should care), etc. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, on to the review of Chapter 22: Flight!

So the intro with Kallie and Yazoo is pretty simple. Always a good way to start. And by the way, I swear that the way Kallie woke up is how I imagine you waking up at 8 in the morning after staying up late. But I’m getting off track. Onto Loz and Aurei. Simple as well, but I noticed the subtle build up in suspense as you speak of the approaching airship. And you were also capable of incorporating Loz’s fascination with the airship without dropping the suspense by using Aurei’s stoic appearance and great focus to your advantage. Very nice!

As for the scene between Yazoo and Kallie afterwards, I will admit that this is actually a very strange segment. After having read it once, it really seems like a majority of it is filler. Up until the last segment just seemed like a waste of time and that everything that Yazoo had determined was exactly what I thought when you were describing the actions of the soldiers. In other words, it just seemed like something that anyone in his position would think. However (and this is the strange part), this segment made more sense on the second read through. It seems like filler, but you pretty much did exactly what you always do. You made us relate to the characters. How? In a few short paragraphs, I got the feeling of anxiety and boredom that I’m sure you were trying to get Yazoo and Kallie to feel from watching this repetitive moving of soldiers and cargo. So, like I said, it’s weird. It seems like boring filler, but it still contributes to the atmosphere of the moment. So, I congratulate you. AWESOME SAUCE! [*confetti fires into the air*]

We return to Aurei and Loz. Honestly, not much here at first. We pretty much get the same thing from before, but through Aurei’s eyes. And then we get the distraction and the obvious indication of Kallie’s involvement in it. The only real things that I got from this section that seemed to be important were Aurei’s explanation of why this situation was incredibly frustrating (taking into consideration the planning she had done) and the fact that I was half expecting you to write something about Loz jumping out, running to Yazoo, and hugging him. But that’s just me.

Okay, so Kallie and Yazoo get on the airship, Kallie feels bad for using her abilities to destroy rather than to defend herself and survive, they are anxious because of the guards, and they are pretty much lost because they are moving around a vessel with no layout of any of the floors. Pretty simple. Now, here’s the juicy part. As soon as you mentioned the guard who was stunned to see Kallie (before the knee to the gut ACTUALLY STUNNED HIM), I thought “Who is this poor and unfortunate soul?” Then Yazoo knocks him out cold and I think “Oh well. Save him for a later as a plot device.” We get the whole reunion where everybody is about to kill each other. I wonder if that’s what happens at a family reunion when there’s some sort of major feud?

Anyway, I’m rushing a little because I read this three times and I’m writing up my review from the notes I took down while it’s slowly getting late. Onward! The group goes into the cargo room, taking the guard with them, blah blah blah (“stop talking that BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!”), and here’s where we get to the good part. You really know how to work that suspenseful element. I was just itching to find out who this guy is when Kallie mentioned knowing him really well. And the hesitation in the line “He's not the type to put jobs over other people's problems, especially if it's… a friend”, I just started thinking ‘OH MY GAWD! HE’S MORE THAN THAT! HE’S GOTTA BE AN EX-BOYFRIEND/LOVER!’. And the short paragraph afterwards (just before Kallie asks Aurei to heal him) only solidified my opinion. However, I laughed when I read the name of our mystery man. Todd! Inside joke from WAY back in the day….

I’m going to have to sum up my opinions on the rest of the chapter. Kallie wants to spill the entire story of how and why she’s in a cargo room with the two most wanted criminals and a random woman to Todd, but knows she can’t because of the fact she doesn’t want his opinion of her to change because of who is with. Once again, you play the suspense and sympathy very well. And then you practically hit us in the eye with the ping pong ball of “Saw It Coming” like it was nothing. ‘Yep. Todd was her former boyfriend’. On the one hand, I saw it coming. On the other hand, I’m a bit surprised. And on my face, I have a black eye from that ping pong ball you hit me with that I mentioned earlier. And for that… AWESOME SAUCE. [*confetti fires in the air. Something in turret explodes and smoke starts coming out*] I’ll fix that later.

Anyway, things go smoothly to get Todd’s cooperation. It’s obvious he still have some feelings for Kallie. He leaves, the group decides to share some stories and try to figure out what the serpents were, and then Todd comes back. Right now, I’m really confused about what his whole thing with Kallie is. Does he like her or not? Is he really to be trusted? Will this new appearance of an ex-boyfriend make her unsure about her feelings for Yazoo? IS THIS MADNESS OR IS IT SPARTAAAA?

Anyway, good chapter. Good chapter… So, grading time. First up, diction/word choice. As always, your use of an extensive and clear vocabulary clearly shows how high your intellect and ability to express ideas really is. I’d say ‘keep up the good work’, but you’ve obviously been doing that since I’m behind about ten chapters. Next category, grammar. Not too many errors. There were possibly two or three, maybe four, throughout the entire chapter and they were easily overlooked, so they weren’t big. No need to be perfect, so the grammar is way above average. Next, element of suspense. This chapter doesn’t really have much in the way of suspense, but when it comes up, we get our money’s worth (if we actually spent money to read this). Just goes to show how Silent Hill has influenced you in that manner. So when it comes to suspense, you get the “OMG! IT’S PYRAMID HEAD!” award. As for character development, this is a mostly Kallie part with a little bit of everybody else. I see how everybody begins to trust each other more and more to the point where they can work together with little to no verbal communication. However, the real development appears after they get back together. Loz is growing to be the caring (yet slightly naïve) person that he is. Aurei is beginning to trust Kallie with more decisions rather than being skeptical, like she was before. Yazoo is trusting of her as well, but what really shows how more human he’s becoming is when Todd comes back in at the very end. His little glare seems to have a hint of jealousy sprinkled into it. Character development ranking: above average. Overall chapter. Well, it’s obvious that chapter 17 is still the dominant chapter (so far, anyway). This one is less about action and more about stealth, strategy, and cooperation. So I guess it is different. In a way, this chapter isn’t bad at all. I’m just waiting for something epic to come out of nowhere and blow me away like chapter 17 did. Guess I’ll just have to keep reading and find out. [*sparks come out of the turret and starts scanning room*] Well, that’s my review. I’ll be back later with Chapter 22. See ya next time!

[*laser stops on forehead*] Turret: THERE. YOU. ARE.

[*confetti gets shot in face*] AHHHHH! SO MANY PAPER CUTS!

[*turret keeps shooting confetti*]

I love this. 3

Very well written and I love how the Final Fantasy characters are actually IN character! I can't wait for the next chapter. :D

I always feel cliffhanger when I read to the end of the chapter

and in this chap look like everyone have a break to think about many thing in their mind,I like it when Kallie try to considered about her feeling to Yazoo...and when Loz think about Kallie's friend too! this made Loz look naive and a bit cute haha~

Ok! update soon please~

PS. I know it's too late but... Happy New Year! \\ ( _ ) /

For me,when Meryl first appear in the same place with Yazoo and Loz,she look so suspicious already and more than that...her appearance is attract Loz so easily that made me think maybe she not normal,lively and innocent girl like Kallie think,and yeah...this chapter is prove me right!

but I can't guess who or what she really is? perhaps...she has something connect to Jenova or Raide's boss...'cause she can freez Yazoo's body in place with just one glance (that's sound awesome for me LOL)and the power like that remind me of Jenova or Sephiroth...

oww...can't wait for what will happen next?

update soon please~

AN excellent chapter! I can't even begin to imagine if Meryl is really what she seems to be or what. Oh, the suspense!

I never thought that I would be leaving a review on my own story, but this is just so I can try and communicate with the anonymous xKyo here! Because I see no other way to thank him or her for their reviews. :) If you see this, xKyo, I would appreciate it if I could get either an email address, your FF dot net account, or even your deviantART account!

But yeah, I just wanted to thank you for your comments. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story, as well as the characters and even the possibility of a pairing. ;D I hope to hear from you again, xKyo!

While Kallie was rather.. irritating at the start, I think she's become a great character. Looking forward to some nice Kallie x Yazoo.;) Anyways, great story, happy Halloween to you too.

You have me hooked.;)

Wow, the ends already coming? O.O I only started reading this a little while go.

Excellent chapter, as usual.

Whoa...Yazoo has change,really change!

I don't even dare to expect that Yazoo will show his little worry to Kallie before and maybe this is the first time for him to show this kind of emotion to the other too! lol but I don't wanna rise my hope up yet,because I agree with Kallie's idea about his little change,and...maybe he do it because of his mother's words

and even if I expect Loz to say some greeting words to Aurei but it's alright, I can wait to see him say something in the next chapter _

For some reason I wanna see Yazoo (or Loz) has a real fight with Raide...that must be a big funny match!,because of his way to speak just want to see someone give Raide the lesson...

Glad to know that you'll have sequel for this story! I'll read it for sure _

Okay! what happen next? update soon please~

I find it quite amusing that you've made it so I can't quite make myself hate the kidnapper I'm sitting here going 'Awww he's not so bad... wait a second...'

Really good ending line.