About your author note: I would say that at that point, the pairing does not matter.

Your story contains a lots of good ideas in term of character development (especially for Shinobu and Makoto), and everybody seems to be growing (kind of one of the main theme of your fic). At that point, I am rooting for everyone happiness, so the person with who Keitaro ends up is only a fragment of what is going on (and not the main intrigue, like it is in canon).

(finishing to read the last few chapters now. Thanks for the story up to now)

Whoa, that character development! That's really the best thing about this fic. You didn't treat Kitsune and Naru via bashing, but you actually made them grow. Everyone grew up here actually, even Mutsumi. I'm singling her out because, well, her relationship with Keitaro really took me with surprise. In hindsight, her actions were subtle, but she was actually aggressive in a lot of ways. Really, it's amazing how you did that. :D

Motoko gaining wisdom and one-upping her sis, Kitsune going through shock and near-death, Naru growing up, Sara learning about humility, Su learning consideration, Haruka being more proactive, and Shinobu being BAMF (who's my fave in this fic, haha)... all of them grew up in some way, and I'm very happy how you handled them all. Even Kanako.

So thanks for making this fic. This is such an awesome fic, and it's great for character studies and stuff. My only complaint is that there are no separation bars? It makes things a bit confusing. :D

Why would you put Kitsune through that and have her lose her chance with Keitaro a second time? Spells emotional disaster for the fox.

This is a good story, but really dark.

Beautifully written, with barely any jarring mistakes to distract. Till the end I was still hoping Motoko would be the Chosen One, but.. oh well. Even though Naru and Kitsune were the pseudo-villains of the piece, one can't help but feel for them, even if most of their problems were self-wrought.

So the worm turns for poor Shinobu-chan. Obviously this was expected due to the shipping tags you put on the story, but I can't help but feel that Mutsume is still just a "Relationship-Sue". Maybe she will get fleshed out more in the later chapters.

I did read some of the reviews that were posted and I'm absolutely flabbergasted by the amount of criticism leveled for being off-canon. Clearly, going OOC and presenting AU interpretations of stuff is what fanfiction is all about. People who ignore this might as well be parading around with "NO FUN" stamped on their foreheads.

Cheers

So, Shinobu continues her solid streak of being hella cool. Considering we have heaps of chapters left to go, I don't think it's going to work out for her though :P

The Motoko/Tsuruko stuff was... "okay". It really didn't have the emotional impact I think you were going for, but I'm not sure how to really achieve that aim given the setup. I dunno really what to do there.

The Naru and Keitaro scene was really good and the um.. exposition around Naru's mindset was as good as any as an explanation I've ever seen. The only complaint really is that it came somewhat out of left field - a little foreshadowing in the previous chapters would have really nailed this home hardcore (maybe an inappropriate choice of terms there by me).

Motoko moves up the ladder I think in interesting characters, at least her situation and relationship to Keitaro is the most interesting now, followed closely by Shinobu who is just barely hanging on and then Kitsune, although I feel really that Kitsune is kind of stuck in a loop of character development and Shinobu isn't really going to go anywhere so long as she fails to get screen time (although she's ostensibly grown the most out of everyone other than Keitaro in previous chapters). I don't think it's worth commenting on Su very much since she's obviously a scenery character, but Mutsumi is supposed to be a main character here... so where she huh?

I suppose I'll have to read more! Really enjoying this so far, thanks!

I'm sure you'll get back to it later, but the opening bit with Motoko and Tsuruko ended in an awkward place. I've noted before that you have a tendency to switch scenes or points of view at strange moments that are actually kind of jarring (motoko past to present, kitsune to keitaro/naru). What makes it even worse is that you were obviously building up to a Motoko reveal and then didn't deliver and dove right into another subplot.

Maybe you should consider less scene/perspective changes, but shorter chapters as a way of organizing your thoughts and writing?

I'm really enjoying how well this story is written so far and I'm going to continue to read it, but knowing that it's a Mutusmi/Keitaro romance (at least from the tags on the story) has got me kind of down.

Not because I don't like Mutsumi/Keitaro as a possible couple, but because this pairing is so difficult to pull off and it looks like your story is going to suffer somewhat for it.

Basically it's this - Mutsumi is too damn perfect as she stands. The thing that is interesting about the other girls is that they all have "issues" that need to be dealt with if they are to get involved with Keitaro in a decent relationship. Mutsumi on the other hand... well the only issue she really has is that for some god awful reason she decides to give Keitaro to Naru. Other than that, she's absolutely perfect...

And while it may be a great thing in real life to find the "perfect" partner, it makes for a pretty boring story to read. I think that part of the reason why you see so few completed Mutsumi based stories is because of this - It's hard to write anything with any sort of conflict or tension in it with her unless you make her (or someone else) very OOC. Anyway, here's hoping to my fears being wrong and that you can deliver on this...

So far, I find that your Shinobu character was the best one written, then followed by Kitsune and finally Motoko. Keitaro is definitely taking a backseat to the girls in this story, although his interaction with Haruka was nice. The only quibbling I have is that you put too much emphasis on some strange stuff - Like Motoko's character from the source material isn't really as formal as she comes off here - this actually seems like flanderization to me. It's hard I think sometimes to avoid this, particularly when you are writing fanfiction... (hell, this happens in original series a lot too...) and there was a minor part over the use of honorifics that was actually kind of strange, but a lot of fan fiction based on anime/manga does strange stuff with (like referring to people in the third person with -san or -chan when they're not actually being addressed, or sorta getting the rules around yobisute wrong... no big deal actually, just worth noting I suppose as feedback).

Anyway, there are heaps of chapters left for me to read, so I better get on to it! Cheers!

This is one of those fics that's hard for me to review, because it has lots of good points: good spelling, grammar, a strong flowing narrative. But there's a lot of canon continuity errors within the story that makes it hard to enjoy the story, namely the following:

1) The Aoyama martial arts school is girl's only. Men are not allowed there.
2) Mitsune is only a year older than Naru, making her 22 when she and Keitaro are together, not 24.
3) Haruka is extremely lax with alcohol. In fact, in the earlier chapters Keitaro is concerned that there's alcohol available for the kids during spring blossom viewing, and Haruka's response is essentially, "It's fine don't worry about it." So it's really weird to see her getting on Mitsune's case about her alcohol habits.
4) Shinobu had already confessed to Keitaro by the time he and Naru are together...in the manga at least. The fact that Shinobu's parents are still divorced indicate that this is following anime canon, which would explain the development, but there's too many manga references to make it clear which one this fic follows, such as Seta and Haruka being married.
5) Mutsumi is the other promised girl of Keitaro. It's really weird how this is never mentioned.
6) Not a continuity error in the series, but Japan doesn't have snow days unless it's so bad the trains don't run. Mentioning that would have helped. Also the term isn't GBH over there, it's DV.
7) Tsuruko has been twice more abusive toward her sister in the series: physically, verbally and emotionally. So her criticism of Naru's actions comes off as highly hypocritical.

Some other observations: how did Keitaro's immortality disappear? Wouldn't that be what's on everyone's minds first instead of immediately retaliating against Naru and Motoko? In fact, that itself could have been better fic material, with the girls being forced to hold their punches until they figure out the problem, and the repercussions of old habits dying hard. It would have fit the tone of the series better, instead of this bleak soap opera drama. Also, something that pulled me into the story was who Keitaro could have ended up with, since at the time the story was written it was only labeled "Keitaro U." But then it was labeled "Keitaro/Mutsumi", spoiling the surprise.

Suffice to say, this fic hasn't aged well. It still has some good points to it, but the canon errors and mischaracterization and the stale "the girls learn to respect and be ashamed of their actions toward Keitaro" plot keep me from labeling it as a good story.

This was a very enjoyable, engrossing story. Every chapter felt packed with content, and I was always very interested to see what would happen next. You say it was an experience to write, well it was just as much of an experience to read! I'm doubly impressed that you managed to do all of this with the tired "Keitaro grows a spine" cliche, so often used solely to rant about the ridiculousness of Love Hina in as depressing a manner as possible. That's not to say this story didn't have its share of tragedy, of course, but it all felt more natural.

With that said, I do have one question. Maybe I just missed it, but what happened with Kanako? I could have sworn she and Keitaro were going to have a talk and sort things out, but that never really happened. It's been five years since you've finished this story so I doubt you'll answer, but all the same I'm still curious.

I have to say, this was an enjoyable read, from start to finish! One of my most favorite Love Hina stories, for sure. You don't shy away from the many flaws of the cast, Naru and Kitsune especially, but at the same time you don't use those flaws to demonize these characters, like so many other fanfics do. You acknowledge the flaws, and have your characters try to overcome those flaws, which I really, really like. So great job on that front!

I also quite liked the end pairing. Mutsumi/Keitaro wasn't my cup of tea before, but this fanfic really got me to like it.

Great job writing this fanfic! It was very enjoying to read. :)

Wow, this is seriously good.
Gotta go to bed, can't wait until tomorrow !

Well boo hoo B.T , Naru is a bitch in CANON and there is nothing you or your whining can do about it so "suck it".

Mutsumi is the best one by far she is the only one of the girl to never not once intentionally harm Keitaro. ALL of the other girls do, even Shinobu( she did twice
Kick to the nuts and a frying pan to the back of the head)

so if you're into pedo crap(*Cough* Bobcat *Cough*) or a you are a masochist pick one of the other girls.

THX you very much Nodoka Miyazawa for this long story.