please continue

Nice very very Nice I cant wait to read more please do not Stop writing this

Great story so far, Valles! And, in case you don't know who we are, We'll give you a clue: We're Steph, Mitch, and J.C.! This is our join account with J.C.'s kid, Mitchell.

Hmm...

Well by now this is actually up to the quality I expect from you nathan, It'd even be good enough for a recomendation. :P

I'm sorry for my harsh comments on the previous chapters, but they where not up to spec. Glad to see you hit your stride.

the second chapter is considerably better than the first, scene changes are marked and there is far less jumping around. Still I wish you would have given us a flashback scene of sakura being accepted and taught by Gai, instead of just a paragarph. There are a few other places where you slip more into tell and not show but that is the most obvious one I think.

Umida Tazuna seems to be overusing the word super a bit which I don't recall from the manga, but it's not a problem, though it for some reason reminds me of a bad japanese translation. Anime continuity? and how much does Nathan know anyway, I'm not sure if he has the knowledge of a typical SI or not, but it seems so at times.

My recomendation is to revise the first chapter by a lot since you will lose a lot of readers in that chapter, considering the quality jump of the second chapter.

Marks for scene changes would clear up the flow quite a bit, several times there are jumps where I feel as if I missed a paragraph or two.

Also the characterization of the team seems off, they work together from the start of the test and even agreed on a plan within the few seconds that Nathan got ready.

I just realized I never reviewed this.

And OMGWTFBBQ Batman, not Neji! On the plus side, I'm guessing Haku lives, and will therefore be included in later parts, yes? Yes, good. _ That fight between Hinata and Hanabi was AWESOME, as per usual...and hee, Iruka/Anko FTW~! You get an internet for that one. So, I rather like your Sasu-cakes. A lot less emo than what I'm used to. Not entirely un-emo, just emo enough. Not making much sense, am I? Oh well~! You...must update, like ASAP. Your ficcage makes me vibrate with contained fangirl joy. I will draw arts for j00, yes I shall. Just one little request tho:

...Sasu/Saku please? I think Sasuke and Sakura have an interesting way of interacting in this, it'd kill me to read what happens when Sakra remembers: "Oh yeah, I had a crush on him, didn't I?" And I hope she pwns Orochimaru some. Pwns him OLD SCHOOL. *Lee Pose* I'll get to work on stuff now. *waves* I bribe you with Burgert King in hopes of getting the chappie sooner. Later~!

Okay, for starters, seriously awesome story you've got going on here. Your characterizations are absolutely superb. You've managed to make everyone likable without being annoyingly perfect; I also like how you havn't shown to much blatant favoritism towards any particular character. Also, your fight sequences deserve a standing ovation, absolutely fabulous, although you might want to take a few more paragraphs every now and then for some character study, let us know what they're thinking. I have to say i'm a bit confused with the whole parallel world thing, but I take it we'll be learning more later. For example, what exactly happened to Kakashi? I hope you keep working on this, cuz it's among the some of the best stories out there.

This chapter was flithhy...in the good way though! Oh man, shit cracked off in Hinata and Hanibi's fight! Ok lemme stop though, the chapter was good and i'm sorry for not reviewing the earlier chapter- Ja ne for now and please, i'm freakin begging you update soon!

...and I messed it up myself that time... it should be JigokuNoSakura instead of ShakuganNoSakura - that's the unaltered version.

grumblemuttercurseeffinFFn

Okay, taking it slow this time:

users dot adelphia dot net slash (wiggly line by the 1 key - "tilde") merrynh slash cashew slash grunion slash ShakuganNoSakura dot jpg

so the FFn audience can see it too - Hell Sakura, as rendered by retouching a screen grab from ep161

users.

- CD

*whines* aw fuck... *sigh* jeez, why'd you hafta go an' stop THERE?

This is a very well written fic without most of the problems that infest most fanfiction. There's only one thing I have a slight issue with is that it can get confusing when you refer people using descriptives. For example, in the Rin vs. Sakura fight, you sometimes referred to Sakura as "the shorter girl". Since I have no idea how tall Rin is compared to Sakura, it messed me up for a bit. That's all.

Plotwise, I