I seriously LOVE D.N Angel and Satoshi/Daisuke is my favorite pairing. I'm glad u made it about love, not sex, which is really the whole point of the anime. Keep up the good work and I hope to see more!

-Voltius Elez

PROOF READ I BEG YOU SPELLING MISTAKES ARE A REAL PET PEEV OF MINE

I like the story by any chance? is there part 2? hahaha

Hello. I am an obsessed bookworm and a fan of certain fanfictions and yaoi stories. Daisuke and Satoshi from DN Angel happen to be a particularly favorite pair of mine. I was browsing through the many choices and I came across your own story. Now, I have just completed your story, and in thirty minutes no less. It is as a rule of mine that I read every fanfic I start completely. If I like it, I may favorite it; if I don't, I may leave a review telling why so that the author may grow and reflect on what advice I have to offer.

I do not intend to be rude and I am not saying I hate your story; quite the opposite. The idea and concept are quite sound and very good. Also, your grammar and spelling is better than most when they write a story on here. Trust me, I have read worse yaoi stories than your own (and have had to regrettibly read them through). I just feel as if everything in this story is rushed, under-developed. So much more detail could go into this and some proper formatting could make it exceptionally great. So, here are a few things I would like to impart to you:

-A/N: Author's Notes; Generally when one begins to read a story, the author has put a bit of an intro (so to speak) of what their comic is about or some other little tid bit for the readers. I would suggest putting some sort of divider between the actual story and any comments you may have before and after the actual story part. With the divider, the text becomes much easier to read and one is less confused when they begin to read.

-POV: Point of View; It is very important in a story to choose a POV and stick with it. Generally, authors choose a voice that allows them to make comments on what everyone is thinking but it has to be done in such a way that we, the readers, are not guessing whose thoughts we are reading now. I noticed you would go from Daisuke to Satoshi and from Dark to Krad. I think it is in your best interest to establish a sort of paragraph format where it is one person's thoughts in one part of the text rather than allowing use to read one in one line, and the other's in the next. It is confusing and we end up losing track of who we are actually reading about. It would also be best to try and use their names before using words such as: he, his, her etc. so that we know just who is doing the action or thinking. I also recommend this for the lemon scenes. Instead of hopping from one person to the next, stick to just one and let us readers enjoy the rest as the lemon unfolds in all its lemon-y splendor.

-Details: Adding more; When it comes to details, you can hardly go wrong. It is very essential to describe the world in which the characters live and even the characters themselves. The more detail you put into it, the greater image a reader gets in their head and the greater attachment one forms with the story. Now, generally in a yaoi story this part is only reserved for the lemon but I hardly agree with it. If one wants to write a good story, and have their readers absolutely adore it, you have to have it well written and plenty detailed.

-IC: In Character; This is more of a personal preference but when I read a story based on my anime or manga of choice, I am not just looking for the "good bits". I am looking for realistic depictions of my favorite characters. I can tell you have Daisuke and Satoshi down for the most part and even Dark but I feel as if Krad was just a major bust. He didn't seem to be "Krad" but was just a "Krad" that suited your purposes when it came to how you wanted him to act. The thing is, Krad and every other character isn't ours to tamper with. We can use them for our stories but we should never change how they are or how they even appear. I find it is a tad disrespectful to the original creator and even fans will find it hard to accept such a character. SI ask this of you: please try to maintain the integrity of the characters you use and keep them as in character to how they really are.

Well, I think that is all for now. I enjoyed reading your story and I hope that my advice will help for any future stories you may write. If you would like to learn more, I have a friend on here who also writes: u/2902975/

She is no longer writing her stories (and I can hardly blame her for the situation she is in) but she still checks back on occasion and reads over her own work along with checking up on her favorite authors and stories. I am sure that if you sent her a message, she would be more than willing to help you out. If you decide to, I hope you enjoy her earlier works and trust me when I say that she has even gotten better in the short time between her stories.

I wish you luck with your stories and I hope I didn't appear rude or offensive. As I have said before, I am just a bookworm trying to help and give some useful advice to a fellow author/possible reader. Have a good one and I hope it was useful. Keep up the good work.

No way! How can Daisuke get a headache from (depending on manga/anime, sub/dub) VIC MIGNOGNA SINGING? It makes me laugh that Dark was singing anyway. :D I love your story so far! Just be careful with your grammar.

Krad oddly reminds me of a slightly less evil Russia...from hetalia, ya know... what with the YAY at the end of creeping a boy out. lol their like identical...wow...now that i think about it...thats an intresting crossover...damn...love your writing eet ees vunderfull! lol

T-T such a goood ending I was cring all at the end make stories like you did this on and u wil be a big success

This is the best fan fic. i have ever read!

This is really good! Chapter 7 is hilarious. I can just see Daisuke going "I do!" -shoves ice cream into his face hole-

i love it! please update soon! :)

daisuke and satoshi know their counterparts better than the mother does. hahaha

i noticed your name was in the stori...

very interesting!

anywho

update real soon!

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA FINISHED THIS ?

IT'S DAMN GOOD...

PLEASE !

I really like your story. and I encourage you to contine.

keep writing i wanna no wat happens next