So... Valia Ryan is a dude who is a mix of Captain Jack Sparrow, Yu-Gi-Oh, a Bebe Robot...and Kim can't beat him?

Yet she can beat robots who move like lightning, knock down buildings and people who are said to be smarter than her?

How come in the first few chapters, you have Kim Possible whipping out all of these sick moves on Valia to no avail, yet in the last few chapters she can get him with some cliche stunts that "A More Advanced Valia" could've avoided?

A lot of things here don't make sense.

This would be a great story if all of the characters were your original creations. Then you could write your own book.

ur good wow keep up the writing

right hand salute and out !

good night from the netherlands

good story

Wow, dude. I'm only halfway in, but this is a great story. You write VERY well. Looking forward to reading more!

closet fan 16

Valia was certainly an interesting original villain. So he's still alive I assume, I wonder if I'll get to see him in the next two stories when I get around to reading them. I'm glad to see that everything turned out well. Great story, I look forward to reading your other stuff.

cool

You made a couple of choices that seem odd to me, but it's a very good fic.

I find that a pretty iffy modification. Even if it is more effective short-term, it severely limits her sustained combat ability. And it's automatic - no on/off switch!

Good story.

I love this episode better then the real episodes. by the way, you said latter instead of ladder when valia was telling them how to escape. this is the only story with chapters on that has actually been finished! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

10. PErfect 10. This is the best fic I have read to date. The characters were tru to the source, while still showing development, the dialoge was as easy and natural as the show, there is a real understanding of the history, and an excellemt was one of the most emotionally beleiveable villians I have ever seen. There is very little room for emprovement, and my only minor complaint is thet the krama angle from the beginning is at odds with later character development.

Nev is, once again, the hero of the chapter. So far, he seems to be saving everybody indirectly. First, he tells Kim and Ron everything they need to know about “Blade.” Then, he gives Kim a wicked upgrade, as if her own skills aren’t good enough, she now has to depend on technology. Nev plays the hermit when he gives Ron some soup or whatever, and then he also outfits Ron with a tricked-out suit to rival Kim’s! If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was going to come in and stop Valia single-handedly, perhaps with *his own* suit! What a shocking ending that would be!

Ron’s new suit was pretty cool, and yes, red and black are the best and most appropriate colors for him. I can’t really think of anything else that would work as his suit, that is, without making him look like a metrosexual. Good thing Nev corrected himself with the white and red color scheme, otherwise Ron might have looked up at him when presented with the suit and simply said, “Dude?” and followed by raising an eyebrow in bamboozlement. If that made any sense, I’ll be more impressed than I was with your most impressive writing. Yeah, I don’t think you can go higher than “most,” dude.

“I'm most impressed that you’re still conscious” followed by “And you can speak? More impressive.”

What was the deal with using words that I have never heard of before? I know that you’re all, like, super well rounded in your extensive ninja vocabulary, but not all of us are so fortunate! Dude, I had to look up “shurikens” on google to know what the heck you were talking about! You’re lucky I like this story so much that I would do something like that! Most people would not! Next time, describe the weapon, please: a shuriken, or a ninja star. Be reader friendly! Please!

Okay, it’s pretty obvious that Nev is not Valia Erocus Ryan, although I thought you were really alluding to it because of the letters in Nev’s first name. It was an interesting observation I made, if you take the last letter in “Ryan” and the first letters in “Erocus” and “Valia.” The observation proved to be nothing, though. Perhaps it is still possible for Nev and Valia to be the same person, but at this point it seems highly unlikely.

Um, okay. Nice little cliffhanger at the end, but I am left scratching my head. Ron and Kim are about to fight, yes, that was a “good” move on your part. It hasn’t really been done a million times, and your angle is mind control. Since Ron knows about Valia’s little gizmo (at least, I hope he does), why does he not just think of a way to rid KP of her zombie-like status, rather than internally debating the morals of beating your girlfriend to a pulp? Oh, you want to convey more emotion in this story? My bad, I thought you might actually want this to make sense! Okay, I need to calm down or something, seriously. Maybe I’m blowing this cliffhanger out of proportion, and maybe Ron *will* find a way to rid Kim of her zombie-like status. I hope he doesn’t beat the crap out of her, and then turn to Valia and say, “Look what you made me do!”

By the way, has Ron mastered Mystical Monkey Power? Then how exactly does he make a front flip over the front of his scooter without making himself look like a klutz again? According to you, Nev did NOT give him the adrenaline enhancements that he gave to Kim, so how is Ron’s sudden and spontaneous acrobatics possible? I am confused, what else is new?

Another warm and fuzzy chapter... this time between Ron and Nev. Okay, as gross as that sounds, it's not what I meant. Real meaning: Nev seems too good to be true; he doesn't have a problem with the girl that hurt him or the life he's stuck with as a cyborg. Therefore, I have compiled a theory, and it is able to be viewed on the talkback thread. Yeah, Nev is too good of a guy to NOT want to get between Ron and Kim, unlike Valia.

Interesting combination of action and emotion in this chapter. The parallel structure of Kim/Valia and Nev/Ron episodes was really cool! Although I was mainly reading this chapter for what Nev would say to Ron, because in my opinion, the fighting between Kim and Valia seemed to drag on. Fighting, then more fighting, guess what... more fighting... yadda yadda yadda. The talks between Ron and Nev actually revealed something new, so this chapter does not fall into the "filler" category.

Yowzers! The fight went on for an hour? Is that physically possible?

I had a very difficult time getting through this chapter. However, I can’t a great reason why. My guess is that the beginning was too vague, so it turned me off. I actually took a long break from this story because of it! Every time I tried to read “Torture,” I found myself daydreaming within two minutes. This is not good, in case you were wondering. The whole “using the same attack as before” thing bothers me. Am I supposed to go back and re-read “Deathwish” to understand what the heck you’re talking about? No sane person would do that! Writing in this manner is considered vague, in my opinion.

You have repeated stuff before, and that’s a good thing, because it’s always nice to be reminded of things that we might forget. But for some reason, you slipped out of consistency as a writer for this chapter! Was Kim just copying the previous battle, hoping to make Valia fall for it? The old fool-me-once joke applies here, but I won’t say it. I can see that you are a visionary action writer, and you have a fight pictured in your head, which you want to share with all of us. This is okay for you to do, but the problem is that you’re making the fights way too complex. 1) This makes the chapter drag on and bores the reader and 2) we never understand what you’re trying to say anyway! I have learned this the hard way.

The best thing for you to do is to tone it down a notch: make the fight simple and easy to read. Yes, I know, you think that it will take away from the spectacular-ness of the fight, but it honestly won’t. If you make a fight scene too complex and throw in too many details (like where Kim’s elbow went after she kicked him at a forty five degree angle while standing on her left hand and trying to keep her hair out of her face). Those little gimmicks are fun ONCE IN A WHILE, but when a chapter is full of them, it totally turns me off. It’s just painful to read after a while, and I end up skipping it.

Now, I have some good things to say about this chapter. Valia’s monologue gave an interesting insight into his character and, more specifically, his humanity. You accomplished this in an interesting and unique way. Kim undoubtedly sympathizes with Valia, and we all think that he’s not that bad. He’s just a little boy inside who whipped out a bazooka when the mean little kids threw rocks at him (emotionally). And I did like how Valia recoiled and didn’t let Kim in so easily. That was very impressive. So, as I sit here sighing because I have to give you the kudos once again…

…I had a final thought: Nev has nothing better to do than make another battle suit? Oh right, it was an emergency. Hey, when someone says “pronto,” you can’t argue with that.

What’s with the Truman-show-style beginning? Everybody knows about Kim’s blunder of a burp! It’s almost as if each person is in on it; how did Wade know? I guess news spreads across the internet quickly, eh? “Dood! Kim Possible totally burped in a movie theater! Tell all your friends! Dood!” And then, it gets around to Valia. Whoopee.

…Kim didn’t have any suspicions about Valia’s request, at all? Huh. I guess when a sadistic villain asks you to come to a warehouse alone, there’s no reason to be scared. Hey, maybe Kimberly Anne’s simply in a fighting mood, right? Who needs a reason? I wanna fight da villain and that’s the end of it!

Gasp! An Apprentice? No way! I totally, like, y’know, didn’t see that coming! And he’s threatening to kill Ron too? Gasp again! Okay, getting serious now, I say this because this plot “development” doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. I mean, what does Valia wanting to break up Kim and Ron’s relationship have to do with her becoming his apprentice? Does Valia want to steal Kim away from Ron? Gee, and I thought Kim’s burp only turned Ron on.

Overall, the beginning of this chapter was fun, but the later parts were a little awkward. Kim’s decision to comply with Valia’s request makes my weirdar go off. Is it, like, “come here alone and we can finish this”? Nice luring technique, Valia!

What? Kim can’t beat the living crap out of some guy she’s mad at without some consequences? I should sure hope so! Thank you for not making Kim invincible when she’s upset, because we all know how her future marriage would turn out then. Seriously, I think you made a great move by limiting Kim’s I-can-get-really-angry attitude because the suit puts her in check. Kim better watch it! Goosefraba.

Oh sure, why call Wade anymore? Who cares? Well, at least he pipes up with the kimmunicator at awkward situations. I swear, if Nev replaces Wade… RAAH! Whoa, Ron understood Nev’s schpeel? Huh. Since when did he take a class on technology and relating it to the human anatomy? I’ll be sure to give Nev a thank you for his “oh by the way, this suit can kill you.”

Not much to comment on Monique’s chat with Kim: it was all surprisingly in-character. I laughed when Monique pulled a fast one or two on Kim. Good kisser? Ha! Dude, that was funny. Kim so fell for it! So there talk was nice… and, aww, Kim still loves Ron even though he served detention. That’s so sweet. Hey, everybody gets detention… except cheerleaders. Well, dude, it’s your world, I just read it.