aww

that was really great. I love Duke L'Orange so ths is a dream come true for me. I don't really like romances,but ths one is cool.

I Love Your Story!

AWESOME!

Ok I am a HUGE Duke fan and stories like these always have my attention. I Love it! can't wait to read the other ones

no, i didin't read, so yeah... It seem pretty good, spread out your words and dialect. I was so confused, the movie or cartoon. even way good job lis, read something of mine and tell me how crappy it is or how i confuse you so we can be even. even it was good from what i read. im going to go read a hey arnold fanfic later. than may be do my creatie writting thing. yeah peace

Kai(my muse): You are so dense

yeah, oh, you should so readgoku the pimp O.o?

and unsung songs and unlikely lover, they are hilarous

Kai: the sad thing is tey are, so read so she can shut up

doesn't my Kai love me?

Kai *mouth the word no*

Note: It didn't post right so I'm rewriting it.

I must warn you that this got way longer than I thought it would. Sorry! I hope you don't mind if I went into detail! But here it goes:

'Kay, first I'll start off with a few things that need to be fixed. This list is going from the beginning to the end. (Except the first one.)

There were still mistakes, some were typos, but some were obvious.

The standard spelling for Canard's name is how I just gave it. Canard Thunderbeak. myself have mistakenly spelled it "Conard," but it is Canard.

Use the find and replace feature to fix them all with no trouble. It's usually on the "edit" drop-down menu.

"Finally, I heard a very faint heartbeat. Immediately, I tilted her head back gently as I began to breath into her parted lips. Then suddenly she began to cough, but she didn’t awaken. I smiled slightly, at least she would live through this."

There are and amazing amount of adverbs here, and the story doesn't need them. Finally, suddenly, and immediately could all be left out. As a general rule of thumb, suddenly and immediately are rarely needed. Adverbs are one thing you should be careful not to use too much of. Again, judge "wisely."

"I For I couldn’t take care of her, I was a wanted man, a thief. So the girl wouldn’t trust me anyway."

Take a look at that first part. Looks like a typo.

"Then I gently kissed her four head"

"forehead.", not the way it is now. The remaining sentence is a run-on. That should be simple to fix, though.

"I then told the three to take care of her, and then I reluctantly left."

It would sound better without the first "then"

"Lis: When I finally woke up the next day,"

If she wasn't expecting to survive the crash, how can she say she finally woke up?

"That’s when three teenage boys came into the room. They were all half duck."

She's not surprised at this? Of course the ducks wouldn't be surprised, they know about aliens. But Lis . . . Is there a story behind this I'm missing?

"“A thief?

I must warn you that this got way longer than I thought it would. Sorry! I hope you don't mind if I went into detail! But here it goes:

'Kay, first I'll start off with a few things that need to be fixed. This list is going from the beginning to the end.

There were still mistakes, some were typos, but some were obvious.

The standard spelling for Canard's name is how I just gave it. Canard Thunderbeak, as I recall. (Let me share with you, I've spelled it "Conard" .

YEAH!

THIS STORY IS GREAT AND I WANT TO HEAR MORE PLEASE WRITE MORE. *throws self to floor* KEEP DOING YOUR THING

YOU ROCK KidHeart4. Rock On :)