now this is pure evil, hello people 3 more chapters and the story is done but i wont write them.
authors can be frustrating.
good story so far... finish it plz

good, a story without harry coming out the cup

our author is fixed on big boobs and big bottoms.
nothing wrong with it of course, but pop a few kids and ad 20 years the big boobs are hanging downstairs and the bottom needs pants the size of a medium tent.
i seen it happened ;)

When are the two chapters coming

Please update soon but great chapter and good sex scene. Hope there is more to come.

It has been a long time since I last read this story, but my previous reviews mostly stand.

In terms of plot, it feels like a sequence of events which aren't significantly affected by the protagonists. There hasn't been much cause and effect to become invested in, and things still seem to come too easily to the protagonists.

In terms of relationships, I'm at a loss. Something doesn't quite feel right, but I can't put my finger on it. I think it's mostly the passive voice, combined with a general lack of mental insight. There's a focus on physical action, speech, and outward appearance; it's a lot of missed opportunities to explore in detail what someone is feeling, or how their perspective differs from reality. Something like that was hunted at in chapter 23 or 24, when the girls can appreciate each other physically by seeing Harry's perspective. We the audience, though, don't need an in-universe explanation for why we can know in detail how someone feels about something.

Lastly, there are some Fanfiction conventions that might be good to use. What stood out to me the most was a sentence like "lorem ipsum Harry thought," without any kind of division between thought and the action of thinking. Textbook English says to use normal quotation marks as if someone is speaking, but I personally dislike this because you don't know if it's spoken out loud or not until the very end of the sentence. Fanfiction alternative formatting is usually single quotes (instead of double quotes) or italicizing the entire thought. Textbook English would also require a new paragraph every time the speaker/thinker changes. Fanfiction convention often ignores this and doesn't use the speaker/thinker tags at all, often assuming that the previous actor is also the speaker/thinker:

ABC acts. "ABC speaks." XYZ reacts. (Italics) XYZ thinks. (End italicsXYZ responds."

Obviously any and every rule can be broken as long as it's understood. I just think this story would benefit from that added sentence variety. I also find that speaker/thinker tags can often break up the flow of the paragraph, and feel passive. I personally wouldn't use them unless I wanted to highlight that the speaker wasn't speaking plainly (e.g. Harry mumbled, Susan roared, Daphne blubbered, Hermione sighed.)

Again, not a bad premise, and not a terrible plot. The writing on the protaga could use more work, is all. Contrast that with the amount of time and detail we spend inside Bellatrix's head, and it's obvious that the protaga could be much better off even without doing something brand new.

I'm pretty sure susan's mom is dead in canon

Damn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so far

I honestly hope you don't kill off Amelia, the fact she does was such a waste for a character ngl.

This story is more positive than canon. Dumbledore is actually a caring mentor, Harry studies hard, as do his 4 girlfriends (which sounds like a lot of work, thinking about it).

I mean, why couldn't they fight it anyways, without the bond, shouldn't they have enough mental fortitude by now?

If Hermione was ready to go to the next level with Harry, why would being engaged or not be a factor? Her being mentally ready has nothing to do with their status as they are still together regardless no?

Awe, why Susan and not Daphne? She would not have had any problems in the tournament. Oh well, at least it was one of the two _

Why wouldn't she discuss it first with Harry seeing as he was literally with her at the time?

There isnt anything wrong with small chests either, they need love too!