Nope.

Please continue this.

Jaune can phase through stuff... yet can still get hit by attacks and takes a bunch of damage. I don't know what to tell you other than if you want to keep the story how it is, you should get rid of that power. Because I simply can't sit here and try and think about how it's possible for Jaune to lose in a straight up fight with such an OP ability. It's impossible for me to think Jaune is anything other than a moron for not focusing his fighting style around an ability that literally makes him invincible. Even without that, his ability makes him "dense" as you say, making him impenetrable that way, yet he's still getting hurt. Why is he dodging if he can just tank or phase through stuff? I don't get it. You haven't established some kind of terrible cost, like it's exhausting or something, yet he seems hesitant to use what is by far his greatest ability shown. Honestly, the rate at which he gets injured when he has a damage negating semblance is baffling.

In addition that, you're showing Jaune getting his ass kicked by some clown we don't even know the name of and have never heard before. I get it if you're trying to job him or whatever, to show how strong the guy is, but doing that with your main character is generally a bad idea. All in all, this fight seems incredibly unbelievable and only happens because, in your head, this scene went "Jaune loses to dude". Not because that is what would actually happen within the logical consistency of your story.

I've enjoyed your story, for the most part, so far. But I simply can't continue to read if this is how you're going to treat your characters. Thank you for what you've written up to now.

an interesting story so far, in the beginning I actually picked Jaune as war concidering he showed off a burning blade and his companion was named Victor which I figured meant the winner of war, you have now obviously showed me the error in that he is not war but with what I could think means he is Pride instead as Jaune does not look like the embodiment of Pestilence nor does his companion have a pestilence like name considering one can have pride in their Victories.

Corrections:

*Finally, she speaks! Nearly two days and she hasn't given me anything other than small talk and weird looks." she glared at him.*

Might want to switch "him" with "Sun", as there are 2 males in the scene and she addressed Jaune, thus implying that the reaction would be his.

But contextually what's said fits Sun more. So him interjecting makes more sense.

Replacing "him" with "Sun" removes that ambiguity of who said what.

*What's your name man?*

Feels off due to the level of informality being displayed for the situation. Plus, it makes it sound like Jaune is trying to act "1980s cool/Jive talking", which is even more weird for your version of Jaune.

"What's your name, then? Oh and I'm Jaune as Blake mentioned. Jaune Arc."

Would probably work better as the mix between formal and friendliness should fit the situation more.

*Why did you stowaway on that ship?*

"... that ship anyway?"

Last word makes the curiosity more apparent and removes any hint of accusation that the sentence would normally carry.

*Don't think there's a faunus in the world who doesn't know who about them.*

"... doesn't know about them."

Second "who" wasn't necessary.

*Blake practically begged him as she tucked away his scroll into his pocket.*

"his pocket" or "her pocket"?
Context would seem to point to *her" rather then "his". And you confirm that latter in the scene.

*On the boat ride here I heard some of the crew were talking about an SDC dust shipment coming in soon, ...*

Two options:
"... heard as some of the crew were talking about ..."

Or: "... heard some of the crew talking about ..."

*Are you truly ready to fight against people you use to fight alongside?*

"used" not "use".

*But before this day is over, you. Will. Talk. To. Your. Team.*

"You" rather than "you".
Adds to the subsequent emphasis he places on every following word.

*Jaune cursed under his breath as he followed after her with Sun following after him.*

Nuke that first "after".
Improves sentence flow and avoids repetition.

*He pressed a button on the disks handle ...*

"disk's" not "disks".
Possessive, not plural.

*He then noticed Jaunes smirk and looked down to his feet and saw the dust that was now ignited. *

"Jaune's" not "Jaunes".
Possessive not plural.

*Though it won't do you much good, your journies to be hunters is about to come to a sudden and tragic halt. *

"journeys " not "journies".

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Comments:

- Tactics
While I can understand why Blake wants to avoid meeting the rest, fits her personality of not directly dealing with her issues.

I am rather surprised at Jaune going along with this, when they could be potentially going into a combat situation and probably horribly outnunbered to boot.

Calling in the rest triples their available resources/firepower. From 3 to 9 (that he knows of, as he doesn't know about Penny), thus decreasing the chances of injuries due to heightened combat effectiveness.

Seems like a rather weird choice to humour her, when he's displayed quite a knack for tactics and strategies before.

In the Dock fight, he could've had Nora on AA with her grenade launcher to take out the Bullheads* (takes out their air support and a means to escape. Also prevents them from carrying off any of the containers, while everyone else is fighting).

Have Ruby and Pyrrha as Sniper overwatch (take out any officers to hinder unit cohesion and combat effectiveness. Plus bailing out anyone who gets in over their head) .

With Yang, Ren and Weiss, joining Blake, Sun and himself as close range combatants. (And again, this is based purely on the people he knows are in the area.)

*: The use of Bullheads is rather predictable, as it's either that or trucks to move the containers. Trucks could be bogged down by the Vale PD with blockades, making Bullheads the more viable choice for a snatch and run.

To reference tech from our world, the use of a Chinook or another heavy transport load capable VTOL would be a given in a situation like this. As such one can make plans to counter the presence of such craft.

Hence the rough battle plan I outlined, as that best utilizes the varying weapon capabilities of the Teams and would allow for additional tactical flexibility in any given situation.

As both Ruby and Nora can pour on the speed if need be. And Pyrrha has the discipline to keep her head when things go FUBAR and she has to improvise.

The presence of Penny wouldn't change the overall idea much, as she could join Nora on AA duty, before switching to close range once they finish thrashing the machines or driving them off.

Hell, for all I know Team CVFY is in Vale as well and willing to pitch in.

As that would further throw matters into their favour, due to the sheer amount of accumulated firepower they'd have on their side. Coco's minigun purse would also be devastating as an AA piece.

And Fox and Yakushi (sp?) or whatever the big guy's name is, are not to be underestimated in close range.

Just leaves Velvet as a question mark, due to her own weapon/Semblance flexibility.

But just three rookie hunters vs an unknown number of assailants with air support?

That's just being Stupid to cater to her insecurities, as that's nowhere near enough manpower to stop a heist (which they didn't).

Sun and both teams RWBY and JNPR? That's a minimum requirement to have any chance at mission success in a snatch and grab counter operation.

Any additional forces only increase the odds for victory.

To reference Taylor Hebert from Worm. "Fight smarter, not harder, if you want to pull off the impossible."

Corrections:
*Alright, well, I'm gonna go see of team RWBY might wanna come along. *

"if" rather than "of".

*Pyrrha asked as she set her brush down on the table between hers and Jaunes' beds.*

"Jaune's" not "Jaunes' "

*... Ruby, were just having a bit of fun! Right, Jaune?"*

"we're" not "were".

*Soon enough they found themselves in the cities center.*

"city's" not "cities".
Possessive, not plural.

*... causing Blake to stop in her tracks. In the window, a poster hangs advertising the next Ninjas of Love books release. *

"hung" rather than "hangs".

*They're coming with me be the way, and they're trustworthy."*

"by" not "be".

*The others looked at each other in surprise from the exchange while Ruby was the first to step into the building ...*

Comma after " exchange".

*They quickly followed Jaunes lead and followed after Vince.*

"Jaune's" not "Jaunes".

*... and the sight made Rubys pupils turned into hearts.*

"Ruby's" not "Ruby's".

*Ruby asked excitedly as she looked over Jaunes shield."

"Jaune's" not "Jaunes".

*... and there's no type of metal that's strong enough for the shield and can be magnetized. *

"can be" or "can't be"?
Not clear from the context where you intended this sentence to go.

Hence me asking for clarification.

*The shield was now in its second form; it's crossbow form.*

"its" not "it's".

*Then consider it a gift for passing Beacons initiation. *

"Beacon's" not "Beacons".

*Jaunes friends all smiled at the sight, ...*

"Jaune's" not "Jaunes".

*Just cause you can doesn't mean you should.*

Comma after " can".

* I wanna see him watch us kick but!"*

"butt" not "but".

*As they neared the dock and looked out into the harbor a sight out of the corner of Jaunes eye stopped him in his tracks. *

Comma after "harbor".
"Jaune's" not "Jaunes".

*Turning to look at it he found that a shop was taped off from the public with shattered glass all over the sidewalk as all the windows smashed. *

Commas after "it" and "sidewalk".

"... the windows had been smashed".

*They steal from the council and just a general thorn in the side of the government.*

"... and are just ..."

*As it seemed Weiss was preparing a rebuttal a commotion in the bat caught their combined attention. *

Comma after "rebuttal".
"back" not "bat".

*They watched as a blonde haired monkey faunus outran the ships crew and two Vale officers. *

"ship's" not "ships".
Possessive, not plural.

*That's one what of saying it I guess.*

"way" not "what".

*Ruby looked over penny shoulder and saw the members of her team who all motioned for her to say no. *

"... over Penny's shoulder ..."

*... the other members of team RWBY all fell to the ground in response to their leaders' answer.*

"leader's" not "leaders' ".

*... as the two girls took turns putting one another in bear hugs, seeming to try and break the others as they did so. *

"other" not "others".

*But, in case you go after her, and I know you will if you need any help you only need to ask.*

Move the comma after "her" to be behind "will".

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Comments:

Well, Jaune is definitely raising some of his flag scores in order to conquer the various young maidens fair.

Although a certain Tsundere seems to be volunteering to have her backside paddled for being a bigoted brat, all the while Cardin, of all people, is indeed proving that he's not a waste of protoplasm and oxygen.

*shakes head*.

THAT should've been a wakeup call to Weiss already.

The fact that she's blatantly ignoring it ... Well .. Reality doesn't care if you reject her or not, she's still gonna crush your ass with the things you claim are impossible.

Reality: 5, Bigoted Idiot living in Denial: 0

And if she's really foolish, than it'll be the last mistake she makes as well.

Corrections:
*... he called out, earning the larger teens attention.*

"teen's" not "teens".
Possessive not Plural.

*We just wanted to thank you for standing up to that little jackass who was messing poor little Velvet here. *

"... messing with poor ..."

*Jaunes second shrug was her answer.*

"Jaune's" not "Jaunes".
Possessive, not plural.

*... he saw a large hole that nearly cut the tree in two where Jaunes fist lay.*

"Jaune's" not "Jaunes".

*Jaune said, his voice never wavering from it's cold, near emotionless, tone.*

"its" not "it's".
Possessive, not the contracted form of "it is".

*... and slammed his mace into the beasts face.*

"beast's" not "beasts".

*Pressing the button on his weapons handle he sent the Ursa back several feet.*

"weapon's" not "weapons".

*Jaunes eyes turned back to their natural color as he descended from the hill and his friends ran up towards him.*

"Jaune's" not "Jaunes".

*She also prescribed him some meds as the sap now gave him a cold.*

"... as the sap had given him a cold."

*... and he, along with his whole team, was assigned to community service for the rest of the semester. *

"were" not "was".
If it had just been "he", than the "was" would've been correct.

BUT "he, along with his whole team" transitions things into "they" in which case you need "were".

If all of that seems/feels off, than you can rephrase it as well.

"... and he was assigned to community service for the rest of the semester and so was his whole team for that matter."

*Jaune looked back to the door as he stayed sitting down and saw Cardin standing in the doorway to the staircase.*

"as he remained seated and saw ..."

*Jaunes eyes widened at hearing those words. *

"Jaune's" not "Jaunes".

*Cardin said as he shook Jaunes hand.*

"Jaune's" not "Jaunes".

* I don't know how but I know for a fact something helped me kill that Grimm.*

Comma after "how".

*Maybe you unlocked some strength you had not had previously," *

Clunky.
Rephrase to:
"Maybe you unlocked some strength you weren't able to access before."

*The way Victor had explained it to him was that a leader, a Conqueror, strengthened those around him, his followers and they, in turn, strengthened him.

Comma after "was".
Nuke the commas after "they" and "turn"

"... around him, such as his followers ..."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Comments:
- Riders
Be advised that Conquest replaces Death in the Horsemen lineup.

It's something even more heavily debated in the "Highlander" the TV Series fandom, than it is amongst religious scholars.

As one of the side characters Methos was one of the Four.

They did so much damage during Antiquity that they entered the subconscious, almost genetic memory of the people in the Middle East.

So when Revelations was written, the imagery used reflected them.

Anyway, the arguments had both in the fandom, as well as amongst the religious scholars is whether the Pale Rider is Death or Conquest.

And in the show, Methos is the former Pale Rider.

The other three are fine (barring the Darksiders game, as in the Third part, that most never expected to be released: Famine and Pestilence are suddenly replaced by Fury and Strife. No idea why the Game Creators deviated from the pattern, as both would work as drain-tankers, but what is is).

So, if you're making Jaune Conquest, then the remaining three are War, Famine and Pestilence.

Something you need to keep in mind for what was said in Chapter 6 and possibly corrected, as IIRC you did reference Death.

And Ozpin calling Jaune, Pestilence IIRC, as well.

Course, THAT could simply be waved away as Ozpin being misinformed and thus stating a mistake as if it were truth and Jaune not correcting him for whatever reason.

*shrugs*

Perfectly viable approach, as characters can be misinformed or wrong about things.

But you as the author need to have pinned down for yourself as to what your main character is.

If only so you can misdirect your readership if that's a necessity of your story.

- Themes
If Jaune had been Pestilence and a ladies man to boot, than "Fever" would've suited him to a T.

"You give me fever
when you kiss me
Fever when you hold me tight
Fever

in the mornin', a fever all through the night."

Original by "Little Willie John in '56, but it became a hit through Peggy Lee in '58. Other major stars to have covered it are Elvis Presley, Madonna, Christina Aguilera, The McCoys, La Lupe and Beyoncé.

As Conquest, "Conquest of Paradise" might suit him, if he's a ladies man *wiggles eyebrows*. Which is by Vangelis in '92. Although, there's bound to be others that mesh better

- Redemption
Have to agree that the approach you're using seems to be a logical one.

Both the why he is, like he is, as well as Jaune laying down the gauntlet to prove Jaune wrong. That he Cardin is worthy of training. That he truly wishes to become a better man.

Also that the road to redemption is a personal one and one that differs for each person.

Still, IF the school has a Guidance Counselor or something akin to it, than that might be a good starting position to point him towards.

Just saying..

Since he’s already so strong without any real baggage that clearly impacts him he doesn’t seem to have much room for personal growth. Yes he had a horrible backstory like Ren and Nora did, but unlike them he doesn’t come across as being flawed in any real way. Maybe that’s what you were going for?

That’s just my two cents anyway. Again I love the concept of this fic, but so far Jaune feels like a Mary Sue to me.

I really like the idea behind this story. I think incorporating the Four Horsemen into Remnant lore could be really interesting with a lot of creative potential.

I do have some constructive criticism for this fic though, and it has to do with the changes to Jaune himself, mainly the fact that he’s so overpowered. I think a density changing semblance is an awesome idea, but the fact that he can decrease his density enough to pass through objects seems a bit ridiculous. Maybe if it was taxing or a huge strain on him (therefore a more last resort type thing) I’d be more forgiving, but he doesn’t even break a sweat to do such a feet and it’s a bit much. In the show it’s made clear that overusing one’s semblance or pushing it too far can be exhausting (Weiss from the Vol 1 Nevermore fight being the first example that comes to mind, or Ren only able to hide so many people with his semblance), so the fact that he can use it to such extents without negative side effects takes the excitement and suspense out of the fights. There hasn’t been any indication that the ease he can use his semblance has to do with being a horseman, which I would accept if we had any idea as to what being a horseman means.

He also feels a bit boring honestly. There were problems with nightmares in the first couple chapters that have not panned out any. Nobody notices or cares that he talks to an invisible guy named Victor, nor does he seem to have any trouble trusting people or talking about his past. Since he’s already so strong without any real baggage that clearly impacts how he interacts with others he doesn’t seem to have much room for personal growth. Yes he had a horrible backstory like Ren and Nora did, but unlike them he doesn’t come across as being flawed in any real way. Maybe that’s what you were going for?

That’s just my two cents anyway. Again I love the concept of this fic, but so far Jaune feels like a Mary Sue to me.

When you say that Jaune's shield is Kratos' shield, do you mean in terms of looks only, or can it return projectiles to their sender like in God of War?

Loved the chapter!

Looking forward to the back story on all that.

I really think that the horsemen should be based on the horsemen from darksiders and Jaune would be either War or Death but more than likely War, what do you think of my logic.

Ah so Jaune is Conquest, that's a new one

Corrections:

*... he told her as he ate some of his mash-potatoes.*

Shouldn't that be "mashed potatoes"?

*Jaunes face then took on a more serious expression as he looked into the Headmasters eyes.*

" Jaune's " not "Jaunes".

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

- Horsemen
So Jaune is Pestilence?
Don't really see it, his Semblance doesn't hint at it either.

Only real clue was the tattoo and that could've pointed at Conquest as well and the Pale Rider bit of that variant would've seemingly fit Jaune more, considering the colour aspect..

And his Semblance seems a better mesh with either Death or Conquest, although one could make an argument for War.

Someone like Skitter from Worm could've fit either Famine or Pestilence, courtesy of her powers. Either her swarms devour all the local food supply or she could have them spread diseases.

*shrugs*

Wait and see how you're going to spin that and have it make sense.

Oh and is Jaune's theme with the ladies going to be "Fever", considering what you made him. ;-P