I feel like I beta'd this, or I'm having a strong case of deja vu because I have a feeling that I've been hurt by this story already. I feel that you captured everything perfectly with the emotion and depth of Percy's thoughts. I like seeing the different Weasleys' thoughts on the loss of Fred, and I think this is my first in depth of Percy handling it. It hurts so much, but it reads so good. A wonderful job, dahling. Keep up the good work!

This was heartbreaking! I love the dynamic between Percy and George and I loved the originality you displayed by making George the one to call Oliver when Percy got to a point where he actually tried something drastic. And I also love the whole 'Percy feels guilty and that brings him closer to his family somehow' as well. I liked that you kept things realistic between Percy and Oliver. It felt good that Oliver would be the one to drag him out of his funk. The idea of Percy trying to kill himself in order to be able to see Fred again killed me but the ending fixed me all over again. I liked that you showed Percy growth by having him refuse what at one point might have been his dream and choosing to go with Wood. I loved it.

George writing to Oliver because he's worried about Percy is such a great detail. George is typically characterized as being distraught after Fred's death, a lot like Percy is in this, but I love the idea of him actually being the one to do something about Percy and try to make things better because he's worried about losing another brother. That was such a great detail.

The way you wove details about what had happened between Percy and Oliver in the past was also really well done. It made sense and told us about their history without feeling like the story stopped or we were getting a boring info dump. It worked well because it was easy to imagine them dropping the details they did as they tried to make sense of it, even if the other already knew what had happened.

I'm a bit confused why Percy has to give up his career to be with Oliver while he's playing for England, since I imagine he'd be in England most of the time and Apparation, the Floo, etc. seems like it would make it easy for them to be together and both keep their jobs. That being said, the ending was really cute, and I like that it wasn't neatly wrapped up, with Percy noting that he wasn't entirely better yet. This story was really cute overall, which I wasn't expecting considering it deals with the aftermath of Fred's death. I really enjoyed it.

Your Feedback/Grading for Assignment #1

Examiner: Jen

Grade: 19.25/20 - O (Outstanding)

Feedback: "Poor Percy! My heart broke for him. It's understandable that he'd have feelings of guilt following Fred's death. I can see him blaming himself too. But, trying to kill himself with Muggle medicine? That's rough. I'm glad that he decided to live. You've shown us a different side to the Percy, and your depiction is completely believable. With regard to his romance, I could see him trying to work harder than Oliver as a way to forget about him. Great job describing Oliver in this too. I liked the physical description you included and how Percy was distracted by his looks. Oliver almost ordering Percy to get out of bed fit his personality too. I liked that he stood beside Percy and didn't back down. He got Percy to open up, which was Percy needed to do so he could start recovering. While I can see Percy having suicidal thoughts post Fred's death, I didn't think he'd actually do something about it. That made this an original read for me. Also, incorporating Oliver and focusing more so on Percy's first steps toward recovery rather than on the suicide itself made this original. Percy and Oliver's interactions were the strongest parts of your story. I loved how Oliver took charge of the situation and forced Percy to get out of bed, take a shower and talk to him. The tender moments between them were well done. They fit nicely into the story without taking away from its overall plot. They seemed to fit naturally together, and I was thrilled that Percy took that leap of faith and decided to join Oliver. You've set up the story in a point-to-point and easy to understand way. It flowed well, and you broke up each section nicely.

Smooth transitions from scene to scene. You nailed Percy's angst and suicidal thoughts in the beginning with the prose. My heart broke for him, and I wanted him to get better. Percy and Oliver's conversations were well written, and they felt natural. You've used the prompt, though in a more subtle manner. While I appreciated that you didn't include the scene with Percy attempting to kill himself while overdosing on Arthur's Muggle medicines, part of me wishes that you did since it would added more drama to your story. I did like that you focused on Percy's recovery post-suicide attempt and Oliver's role in it as the person that made Percy want to live. Focusing on Percy wasn't the most original choice for the prompt as it's clear to see how he'd have these thoughts after Fred's death. However, it made an impact in that Oliver's reappearance in Percy's life made him want to live, and he helped him understand that Fred didn't blame him for his death and would have wanted him to live. Nice job incorporating details into your story. I liked the background you gave us regarding Percy and Oliver's relationship. It explained Oliver's sudden appearance and highlighted the role he played in Percy's change at the end. Having Percy abuse Muggle medicine worked too, and I could see Arthur having it in the house. There were no plot holes, and your story felt complete.

I enjoyed this and would recommend this to others. Percy/Oliver 'shippers would like this a lot. As for suggestions, I'd play up the hurt factor of it. More angst and describe Percy's suicide attempt and how his family felt when they found him. Add Oliver's POV too when he got George's letter and rushed over to the Burrow to see Percy. It'd add more depth and drama to your story. Doing this would make the comfort element of the story a lot sweeter. No major SPaG errors spotted. A few tiny things: more blunt should be blunter and this time round should be this time around. Nothing to distract from the overall read of your story, which was well 've earned the extra point! Your prompt was in your A.N., and you were within word count. You've also included the necessary warnings."

Hey,
when I read your description, I was so looking forward to read this. Angst? Suicidal thoughts? This is simply my genre. And you did not disappoint me.
First thing I wanna say is that I like that you wrote about Pery. Everyone's always thinking about George (me, too), but for everyone in the family it is hard, and I think especially Percy had a rough time: He just reunited with the family, Fred was literally joking amongst him before Percy had to watch him pass. I do not want to imagine.
The first sentences were really catching. The words contain so much emotion, it's incredible. Many sentences were simply perfect and on point.
Your characters were amazing, as was your plot.

This is all I can say. Awesome work.
Liz

This was quite impactful. The way you handled the main prompt without flat out telling the reader what happened was a great twist.

I was surprised on the method of choice, though I can see it being the last thing that everyone would look for as an option, but I have so many questions, but this isn't about that...

I really like how it was Oliver who pulled Percy out of the pit. Sometimes a friend is the key because family members can be too soft. Oliver told it like it is, metaphorically slapped him in the face, and helped him get better. It's all anyone's wanted in the end.

This story was really rather interesting. First off I have to say this. Poor Percy! I felt so bad for him in the beginning of this story. The feeling of detachment and silence is over bearing in the first part of the story. The very words in the first sentence alone gave me the feeling of loneliness. But then when Oliver came in and gave Percy a kick in the butt things started to get more interesting. I like the part where you had George be the one to write to Oliver and it is obvious that everyone is concerned for Percy. I was sad to read about what Percy tried to do. The banter between Percy and Oliver kept on the edge of my seat the whole time and I was glad that Oliver asked to visit again. I enjoyed how you slowly had Percy getting to a point were he can find the will to live. The ending was my favorite part though. When Oliver asked Percy to go with him for his job and Percy accepted. That was the best ending I've ever read. Your story was really well written and I enjoyed reading it immensely. Keep up the good work.