If this is what Pre-Seed is like, I can’t wait until we get to Seed proper

So this chapter was kind of a disappointment. The ideas certainly had merit and in different direction and execution would have gone greatly, however I feel that what happened here was sort of a forced moral victory which vanquished the conflict before it began.

The first issue of the chapter was the tone in the beginning where George treats the hearing like the fight of his life, praying that everything will be alright, having extensive preparation, and having his wife come out. These types of scenes have happened countless times in fiction, however there is usually a method to whether it's executed well or not. A good execution requires the scene to occur before a dramatic and status quo wrecking event that will have major repercussions for the protagonist and all involved whether or not it is a victory, usually this takes place in the climax of stand-alone stories. This is necessary because without the importance of a critical change,intense climax and good payoff, the buildup scenes feel like needless mellow drama that promise this high emotional event yet doesn't pay off.

If the first half was the buildup to a multi-part arc or some sort of serious event which changes a lot of things in the story then it would be perfectly fine, but due to the resolution being wrapped up in one nice little bow in a thousand or two words with seemingly no greater effect on the world beyond a minor propaganda victory and the Workers going "I'll get you yet George!". Which leads into my second major problem, the execution of the hearing.

Now I think that the conflict you set up, George trying to defend his vaccine/cure creation and then being framed for treason in a trial to defame him and destroy his cure efforts is a good idea and a natural progression of escalation. However I feel that your presentation goes against the idea, the fact that this is supposed to be a major national scandal yet is played out like a minor Washington spat, if that.

More time should have been dedicated in a protracted struggle with George fighting an uphill battle to prove his innocence, and the Workers having a very realistic chance of winning with them persuading the public or political establishment partially to their side. Instead what happened is the Workers presented the claims of treason (very poorly since it's only members of their party and weakly forged documents, read the history of HUAC if you want evidence of true scapegoat trials that were effective and dangerous), George calls them out as racist assholes, the Marks come to the rescue and easily debunk the treason claims with not a shred of a competent defense on the part of the workers, and all is saved.

This shows the same problem that was presented in Chapter 6, the villains being paper tigers, if one can even call them that. Threats to George and his social circle appear with potential for major damage, George's allies show up and basically do a "Swiper no swiping" with the villains being called out as bad people and for this to stop, and the villains immediately de-escalate and turn tail without attempting to stand their ground or escalate the situation through extreme measures.

I can't take the villains too seriously if they never even try to put up a fight. Seed and Seed Destiny had consistent issues of the protagonists curb stomping the enemy without issues, but at least the villains tried to fight them and gain victory. If the battle isn't even allowed to begin with it being called off just as the stage is set then there is no conflict, and with no conflict there is no story.

That being said, the quality of writing for this chapter was above my experience with Chapter 6 and it at least introduced interesting concepts with great potential, it was just the execution rather than the foundation which was an issue.

I feel that the biggest thing holding back your story from rising up is your writing of the antagonists. While there are plenty of great stories with not so well written antagonists, stories with mediocre or bad antagonists usually have them stick out as a major flaw that prevent it from rising into greatness unless the rest of the story is so high in quality that it makes the writing of the antagonists a non-factor in enjoyment. Black vs. White Morality tones like the one you seem to be going for here can work out, however in order to do see the villains need to be written as competent opponents who present an illusion of potential failure and can be a force that we the audience respect or like in their style of villainy or how much of a threat they are to the heroes, making their defeat one of sweet satisfaction.

In conclusion, work on the antagonists working forward and if they improve then I now this fic can be great.

Seems everyone forgets the rule Liberty and Justice for all but sad fact is Coordinators were rushed and long run going to have to be naturals anyway or get some natural DNA to repair the damage what led to Destiny.

Bravo.

Man this story just writes itself...especially with all the ridiculous crap going on in the USA lately...

On a sidenote...
China now has Corona,Swine Flu,and Bubonic Plague.
People are rioting about race.
And...yeah...on top of that scientist making coordinator babies a few years ago illegally ,Tesla getting us rapidly into space, and how fast our robotics sre advancing (Japan is budjng a walking gundam!)...I guess SEED is our official timeline future.

Awesome chapter.

Love your sense of style my man, keep on keeping on!

So far so good. :)

Just found this today and I freaking love it

Interesting story, with well written themes that are disturbingly familiar and topical with the real world today.

interesting...

Awesome chapter.
Huh, ironic; your fic's current plot in dealing with a virus and now our world is suffering the same.

Nice and glad you doing ok and can't wait for more

I don't know how to describe it exactly, but this chapter was a vast improvement over the previous one with the biggest improvement being dialogue. Dialogue feels much more relaxed and realistic with characters reacting to events naturally than focused on making speeches or debating ideologies, which animes like Gundam tend to fall into at times.

The second half of the chapter was a good and interesting development with the Atlantic Federation looking into MS 16 years early, and how it ties into information that the Zodiacs are trying to weaponize it for independence, a nice set of butterflies to events. I don't think we'll see a full adoption soon, but a prototype series like the G Project could easily be in the works provided the right escalation.

An important thing to remember about mobile suits though is that they don't inherently make conventional weapons like tanks, planes, and mobile armors obsolete, it's just that mobile suits became the dominant weapon in scenarios where radar and electronic warfare become useless with N-Jammers here and Minovsky particles in UC. I'm sure whatever George comes up with will be a powerful weapon, but there's still a chance for the conventional military to shine, especially if they act like the OYW Federation.

If George is going into weapons development though, then he'll be a prime opponent for LOGOS. I'm really looking forward to how you portray them as most other writers never bother to give them depth or nuance beyond Djibril's band of idiots even though there's so much potential for the conspiracy angle. Since this is before Azrael and Djibril got power perhaps LOGOS here will be composed of more sensible and pragmatic individuals. It seems possible considering George and friends are in open opposition and the Constitutional Republicans haven't suffered a Long Knives.

I like how George, while sympathetic, is not fully supportive of the Zodiacs and may be forced to oppose them in the future due to national loyalties. It adds more depth to the character and presents an interesting moral conundrum to ZAFT when their genetic father is against them. Then again, Seed was always kind of weird in that they made George a Deikun expy but he never had the cult of personality nor legacy as Deikun. Hope we see more POV's on how non-Atlantic Coordinators think of him.

Overall this chapter showed great promise for the rest of the fic and my interest has returned. Hope to see more soon.

Oh man the parallels

SJWs/Blue Cosmos
Covid19/S2
That one dude in China who actually manipulated genes before birth in a human
Elon pushing us toward space again in larger numbers with Starship
and look up the walking robot in South Korea

Gundam Seed may be darn accurate

Keep it up :)