Awesome work

Damn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so far

Just wanted to let you know that you are changing between present and past tense in the same sentence, or in between sentences. It would make it easier to read if you just picked a tense and then stuck with it.

Remember back when this was a Harry Potter crossover? Now there's Lo'Gash and his "I have amnesia but I kept all knowledge of my skills for some reason. Also I attract women with my power and magically enslave them with spells I didn't cast and that have been lost for ages!" ways.

I knew going in that this was going to be a harem fic but this is absolutely ridiculous. Ever since they left Earth this fic has quickly started to lose my interest. It's a shame too... despite a few problems the first 10 chapters were really nice then they went to Azeroth and the 'niceness' has decreased significantly with each passing chapter.

Damn... Do I want to like this story. I really do. But any of the good ideas you have are weighed down by a lot of bad writing. This is a classic case of fanfiction where the ideas destroy a story.

What I mean by that is:

The idea of having a story where a character and it could have been anyone from the Warcraft universe being stranded in modern day Wizarding world and finds the one person that wants to escape from their surroundings so badly that they'd leave their own world behind. That's a pretty good idea and concept.

You follow that up with the idea that there are a bunch of people that don't want this character to leave. Or that the traveling character is essentially alien and could get in a lot of trouble upon discovery. You have very easy plot points to pull on to tell a story.

The problem is instead of running with that concept you lean on a bunch of awful fanfiction tropes, problems, and just general garbage. And I say that politely.

This chapter alone has a woman who is thousands of years old at the very least having sex with a 15 year old. OK, let's play that off and say she likes Harry and enjoys fun.

You then literally write the line "Harry shot so much cum inside her."

What are you? 16?

In addition to that you have Harry catch Tonks by surprise. This is good. Because in fights like the ufc anyone can be caught. Having the characters believe Harry could take Kingsley or Mad Eye is horrendously laughable.

Another thing is just the general out of character vibes that are just unfortunate assassinations which make this difficult to read.

Vereesa with thousands of years of experience playing second fiddle to Harry is ridiculous. So far the most she has done is really sleep with Harry. When realistically she should be highly independent not only because of her age but background as a Ranger.

Harry going dark is a silly plot line in and of itself. But if you want to run that story, it's fine, but it needs to be believable. Harry being upstairs sending bonebreakers at Hermione and Ron is frankly where I stop reading no matter how much I want to enjoy the overall concept of the story. And I'll explain this last bit.

Stories like Harry Potter(the original, not fanfiction) are told and we enjoy them because the characters are compelling and believable. Their journies test them, and their emotions relatable. What made Harry Potter so great was at the end of the day you wanted to be Harry while reading it.

You can understand the boy who struggles with girls. You can understand the boy struggling to get a date for the ball. You can understand the character having to live with parents he doesn't get along with, and there is abuse. You can understand an unwavering loyalty to your closest friends. You understand hope, desire, etc. All the while adding in fantastical elements like magic and destiny that frankly we don't understand. But it was so greatly ingrained with what we do understand that we accepted it as this new reality.

So when you make a 15 year old telling his relatives that he's going to kill them. When you have him bedding and overwhelmingly gorgeous 1000s year old elf. When you have him beating his seniors in duels and then believing he is super powerful despite really no training. When you have him turn on the only friends he has EVER had. Friends that have literally saved his own life time and time again, and you have him throw bone breakers at them while the 1000 year old elf is cleaning cum out of herself in the room over?

Yeah it's not a relatable character. In fact, I'd say that your Harry doesn't really have any redeemable qualities which is a shame since the original Harry had many.

Anyways it looks like this story is many chapters in. It shocks me that this is a "rewrite" because it feels like a rough draft written by someone quite young. I don't know if the story improves, but I don't think I'll be pushing forward with it for the reasons above. I may jump ahead some chapters and see if it's better when he's in Azeroth, but judging from the pairing combination in only expecting more of the same.

It's sad. This had a boatload of potential.

what exactly is left of harry potter? he doesnt use their magic he is a total oc (which happened very fast) hell the only thing left is his self pitty

you realy ought to explain where harry learns his magic instead of just him using it. by not explaining these things what is or isnt possible is in your hands ergo anything that happens is by your doing and not because the plot evolved that way. harry has magical exhaustion not because he used to much magic but because you needed him weak to progress your plot.
it makes the whole story so very fake, not that the norns declearing he needs many wives did you any favour

still some grammar mistakes? there are hardly anything but mistakes
english is not one of the hardest languages out there not even close. i fucking learnt it by watching tv and playing video games with subtitles.
you just have no understanding of past and present tense honestly i wouldnt be suprised if you wrote in indian and used google translator.

Seriously, great story!

What an absolute garbage chapter. I was already getting a bit annoyed with the "Feeling drawn to him" thing, but then you assassinate Tyrande's character and make her some kind of willing slave. What next? Is Jaina going to fuck him after looking at him once because she felt drawn to him? He is just too good in the sack!

I find it impossible to believe this isn't written by some incredibly lonely 14 year old.

Out of several hundred stories I've read that have used the "amnesia" plotline, only MAYBE a dozen of them did it well enough that I felt it added to the story rather than merely being annoying/frustrating for the reader... and most of those were due to the character in question WILLINGY being Inflicted with amnesia to achieve some goal, usually infiltration.

Great fic can't wait for another chapter

Yo quand la suite?

Tyrande has already a lover. Please dont do something like this when Tyrande has 2 people loving her.

I was really hoping this story would be good, but I don't think I can bring myself to read any not of it. All the bashing cliches probably work for some people, but for me, they're just slowly killing my interest over and over.

But the biggest problem is your inconsistent tenses. You keep switching between present and past tense. Often multiple times per paragraph. You need to pick one and stick with it for your entire story.