(Just replying to him since we're both blocked) But I'm technically not an actual Fascist. I sort of changed the definition of it to fit my own opinions about it. Istwill, I really don't think we should be doing this anymore on reviews. I will unblock you. If you want to talk shoot me a message.

Also that so called Nazi nonsense is complete crap. I didn't post racial slurs. Secondly, Farla did just call me a Nazi for my religion and continues to pull that chain despite the fact I'm what is known as a Social Democrat.

Again sorry for this. By the way great story I can't believe you got caught up in this nonsense.

P.S. I think one of my reviews got eaten by something. You might want to report for a glitch.

Also I much enjoy your story. I really am sorry for this.

One I didn't used racial slurs. In fact, they just straight up called me one for no reason. None at all. Also That's hypocritical giving Espoen is a fascist himself (He admitted to it) while Farla just made that up the moment I revealed my religion.

Actually, it wasn't over religion. It was over Istwill using racial slurs on a forum, and also having a couple of offensive profile pictures.

Elmo's started this whole mess blame him.

[ingPyle is a sockpuppet of lstwill56, who was banned on my sister's forum for using racial slurs and is now spamming the category as revenge. Be warned that she'll mob this story with sockpuppets in response to this review. Now that that's out of the way…]

That's not at all what happened. Elmo's and Farla just accused a Neo-pagan of being a nazi and the created a lie in hopes of making a bunch of users lives terrible.

[Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. ]

Told yeah he goes around giving out bad advice but more than that here.

[It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story.]

Your Author notes are script formatted no one will mistake them. Secondly, its better to bold them. Otherwise, the line makes them look like part of the story.

[You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly.]

Nope. Dialogue is actually written the way you wrote it. Or "Hello." She said Elmo's has poor dialogue grasp.

[You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard.]

Pokemon names are actual names. Game Freak, Nintendo, the creator have all stated as such. They even discredited the fandom's idea they are species names nearly a decade ago.

[When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.]

Again this is wrong as both mom and dad are not titles and nor are you supposed to capitalize them.

The last sentence is just mindless bashing. Best to just block him.

KingPyle is a sockpuppet of lstwill56, who was banned on my sister's forum for using racial slurs and is now spamming the category as revenge. Be warned that she'll mob this story with sockpuppets in response to this review. Now that that's out of the way…

Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don't have to feel like I'm making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

It’s better if you separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise, they look like part of the story. You can do this through the in-site editor.

You’re formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as [“Hello,” she said] or [“Hello!” she said], never [“Hello.” She said] or [“Hello,” She said] or [“Hello” she said] or [“Hello!” She said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn’t contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part IS considered a separate sentence, so it’s written as [“Hello.” She grinned], never [“Hello,” she grinned]. Note that something isn’t a speech verb just because it’s a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like “laughed” or “giggled” is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you’re breaking up two complete sentences it’s [“Hi,” she said. “This is it.”] not [“Hi,” she said, “this is it.”] or [“Hi,” she said “this is it.”] And if you’re breaking up a sentence in the middle, it’s [“Hi. This,” she said, “is it.”] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don’t use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Must be from dad]

When a title (such as “mom” or “dad”) is used in place of a name, it’s capitalized like one.

This seems very simplistic, like you're just writing out events that happened in the game. The battle, in particular, just reads like the transcription of a game battle. You should try experimenting with more detail, emotion, and imagery in your prose.

Hello returning writer. A warning St Elmo's Fire is the Pokemon fafiction bully. There is literally not a single story on this site that doesn't have his nonsense review. Every Pokemon forum and many bloggers hate his guts. He claim everyone who opposes him are nothing but one user who stalks him.

He the one stalking the Pokemon fandom by going to its category and only targeting the new writers effectively destroying them from writing in a degraded attempt to destroy the fandom.

Please block him for yourselves. He's untrustworthy. Watch he's going to post some nonsense about "sock-puppets" as he's that predictable and is well known lair.