Hey! I've read up to here and am enjoying so far. Definitely some well written action scenes. If I could make a criticism though - I felt this chapter and the last were too fluffy. Basically you have a ton of these nice well written action scenes, but they take up the bulk of the chapter and don't contribute much to the plot. Ultimately there was just a big scuffle that allowed Zenyatta and Moira to be introduced, but they both leave without giving much of a plot reason to return.

Compare to chapter 4 (Sombra and Doomfist) which had action but was interlaced with a casino scene, some Sombra dialogue that makes us question her intentions, introducing and badly wounding then kidnapping Orisa which should lead to more plot later, etc. which was all much more condensed. It was more exciting and rewarding to read since a lot more happened in less words, at least imo.

I do have to commend you for taking a character I'm not a huge fan of [Zenyatta] and making me really like him in this chapter. Guess he reads well to me as a badass comic relief char - who knew?

No need to apologize for not updating, write at your own pace!

-Neonz

Really loving this story so far! Tame your time uploading the next chapters :)

Hey, umm, Torbjörn is his first name. Other than that, this is really good!

Griff, thanks for the review and the clarification about the use of character listings. I have considered which characters will be in most/all of the chapters, and I think I've selected mostly correct characters to list, by coincidence. This will be a large, all encompassing story of the world of overwatch and everyone is getting some kind of story arc (except maybe Junkrat and Roadhog. I plan on making them more comic relief for now). But this is a villain focused plot, as Doomfist's plans with Talon are the driving motivators, so the villains will be in nearly every chapter. chapter 2 will make this more apparent.

Hey There!

So, critisism... I like what you've done here so far. It's good

As for the problem with the characters in the Blurb, use 4 characters that are going to appear in all/nearly all chapters