Not a terrible decision to want to go back and revise your work. Although, you could've just updated the existing one instead of having to re-upload. Regardless, I like what you're doing. I honestly think more writers, including myself, need to go back and revise their earlier works so that the quality improves as the story becomes timeless.

Most of this introductory chapter is really expository, which isn't bad for a beginning chapter. Each writer has their own ways of introducing a story. Some like to simply depict a scene, others like to narrate the setting and build up the story rather than allow scenes to do the explanation. Either or works. In this case, you did a good job of it, keeping the dialogue to a minimum, which keeps the overall balance of exposition and conversation well in this first chapter.

I think the best part, which goes hand-in-hand is the exposition where Sabrina writes in her notebook and accounts everything that had happened to her which is good because this is a direct reflection of the type of personality she has and it's sort of "reporting" her status to the reader. In a way, this gives us a snapshot of how the character is doing, what she's going through, and gives us the ability to infer what might happen next to her.

Overall this was a good a start as I remember your first chapter being years ago when I first ran into the story. You're a remarkable writer with a lot of talent, so I'm eager to read the rest of this and see just how much the writing has improved overall.

I'm humbled you still remember me after all these years. Here to fulfill that promise that I'd finish your story all those years ago.

Great job.

hanks for updating. :)

Thanks for writing such a marvelous new chapter to this story. :)

Thanks for updating. :)

Thanks for updating. :)

Thanks for updating. :)

Well done story so far that brings in elements and the characters from dp, but mostly only tangentially. I wish there were more stories like this, but sadly it seems they aren’t as popular as stories that have much less original thought or plot in them.

This story is sadly under viewed (despite a lack of omnipresent spelling and grammar mistakes and doesn’t constantly repeat the same few main points or phrases to pad out word count instead of advancing the plot!)

For this chapter: another reminder of how this protagonist is very different from Danny, as she has taken her first “kill”.

I wonder what she will do with the money she has stolen though. Has she used any of it yet? New money could be excused as pay from the internship, but only to a certain point. Then again, that could just be pushed aside to focus on other plots if needed. Still, keep up the good work!

Thanks for updating. :)

Thanks for updating. :)

Wonderful! ;)
Update immediately, please!

Thanks for updating.

Vlad lives in his own world and he clearly has no idea that Danny has already met Sabrina before.

I like this revision very much.

Thanks for updating. :)

I can't wait to see what your reboot will look like. :)

? I thought I've seen this story before...
Gosh darn deja vu