you seem to have this love-hate relationship for Zane now, this is getting weird.

So, I see scraps of potential here. But you really need to go back and get a better understanding of the character of Zane. It’s also incredibly weird for an of to just beat Zane on the fly.

I can't tell if you hate Zane or just have some kind of strange fascination with him... I mean, you appear to have some bigger plot coming to light eventually with the Shadow Riders/Seven Stars. But yeah, I don't really know. Sorry that I don't have anything else more interesting to say here.

Not really good, it’s very bland, make it more interesting

I feel like your character is a bit of an author avatar, that rant of Zane not being that great of a duelist as he is said to be is very reminiscent of other rants critiquing something in-universe. It's honestly kind of lazy.

This is stink

Okay chapter .

Just a heads up, ignore Zero. He pulls this all the time. Finding a story, giving it an over-the-top review that doesn't offer any actual criticism, just talks down to the writer. The guy has a bloated ego, and instead of feeding into it, you're better off just blocking him. If more people did that, he might get the hint that this isn't a video reviewing site.

it weird

Applicants duel proctors, adults who work for the school, using test decks. There isn’t any reason for him to duel Ryou/Zane (who, btw, wears his school uniform in that year, because he’s still a student.).

At first, I was kind of intrigued by the title, will this be aboutfaith? On paper it sounds a little tacky, but with the right execution, it could be pulled off perfectly. Sadly though, I was misled, it seems like its just another novelization of GX. Just with your original character.

I'm personally not a big fan of your Original character. I can understand that you're trying to make him snarky and funny...But he just comes off as a jerk, and he's being rewarded for that behavior by the canon characters. You can make strong and cool characters, but you got to make them likable and believable first.

This is very poor work, in every regard I can think of. Literally the best part is your created cards, and they're so-so.

It's tedious enough that the opening chapter is half made of literally the single-most tired premise in this archive - canon novelization, beginning with the first episode - but what really makes it something awful is that every abstraction made glorifies the self-insert.

Instead of facing a standard proctor like everybody else, he gets to square off against Zane who is suddenly a "special proctor", and proceeds to beat the guy that Jaden could not. During which, Zane and Jaden kisses the OC's ass, by complimenting fairly simple moves like using Snatch Steal as intended as "brilliant". All of this together is damningly sue-like. You deserve kudos for giving him arrogance as a clear and immediate flaw, though.

On the technical side, there's still stuff to fix, but it's mostly polishing the fine details. The dialogue frequently forgets the commas and the prose flip-flops between past and present tense.

But Zane wasn't dueling seriously right?

Nice one. Keep it up.