Your story is terrible fanfiction is NOTHING BUT A RIP OFF FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR FAMILY WHO RAISED YOU JUST DIE YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT! AHAHAHAAHAHAHAH! for the record I'm the troll who will haunt everyone online FOREVER AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Really cute!

This is really cute! I really liked the dynamic here, and for a one shot this was nicely done! I loved your flow, Dawn in the keychain shop with Kas was my favorite! As for ikari it was definitely the hug lol ~ but yeah so cute!

This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under "Manage Stories" and select it from the dropdown menu that says "World: Any" in the "Category" section.

[the bluenette]

This sounds really awkward and you should probably use a different epithet.

[Dawn's POV]

You don't need to label POVs when they're obvious from context.

You're formatting dialogue incorrectly. Dialogue is written as ["Hello," she said] or ["Hello!" she said], never ["Hello." She said] or ["Hello", she said] or ["Hello" she said]. This is because dialogue and speech tags are considered to be part of the same sentence, so they have to flow together. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb. In that case, the second part iis/i considered a separate sentence, so it's written as ["Hello." She grinned], never ["Hello," she grinned]. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like "laughed" or "giggled" is in the second category. (“Speak” is also not a speech verb.) Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's ["Hi," she said. "This is it."] not ["Hi," she said, "this is it."] or ["Hi," she said "this is it."] And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's ["Hi. This," she said, "is it."] The same punctuation and capitalization rules apply to thoughts, except you don't use quotation marks (or single quotes) with thoughts. This is because quotation marks for thoughts make it look like your characters are talking out loud, which is confusing to the reader.

It's written "okay", four letters. It is not an abbreviation for something else, nor is it pronounced ook, therefore it should never be written as OK, Ok, O.K. or ok.