Alright, so here's how you can fix some errors;

1. Start a new paragraph whenever someone else starts speaking. It erases confusion of who's talking at the time.

2. Fix quite a few spelling and grammatical mistakes, as well as the habit of saying "A [insert word with vowel at the beginning]". You should say "An IMC" not "A IMC".

As far as the plot goes, it seems kind of odd that he ex-machina'ed his way onto a dropship and then developed amnesia concerning the event. It was a little too fast-paced for my liking as well. For such a short chapter, it went straight from exposition, to ship fight, to rescue, to Titan assignment.

Hope that helps.