I was reading through your A/N and was 'yadda yadda yadda, all makes sense, no worries' and then comes your comment about "get out of here and go read Harry Crow" and I'm grinning and getting comfy, you are my kind of author already! :D

There's a little bit of confusion in the dialogue. You make a common mistake where you make a statement, and then attach the reaction to that statement at the end before the next line gives the reply. This causes the reader to have to go back to confirm who is speaking and who is reacting... it breaks the flow of the dialogue and ruins immersion.

That said, Dorea is every bit the Black I would expect, and the way things developed, how you unfolded the relationships, gave a solid starting place. That said, it was somewhat unsettling to read it all from the 3rd person omniscient pov... especially of a toddler.

Damn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so far

The stuff at the end was a bit difficult to follow. Otherwise, an enjoyable story, if a bit lacking in some detail. It covers the critical points, but if you wanted to, I think you could easily flesh out the details to make a story twice as long and richer :)

Did Voldemort not participate in the attack? Feels out of character, given how on the ropes he is and he apparently knew Dumbledore was out of the castle.

I have... mixed feelings on this chapter. Snape in canon is a rather despicable person and not worthy of redemption. This Snape, while not a nice person, has behaved more professionally and does seem to have made some effort to atone for his sins (of which there are many). I think what bothers me more is that Hadrian is not acting this way because Snape murdered innocent people as a Death Eater (and I do accept that there is an argument to be made that, once you're in part-way, there isn't much of a choice). Hadrian is acting this way because of Snape's involvement in revealing the prophecy. Which I would argue is a much lesser crime. That being said, I did enjoy the idea that the Black 'madness' isn't about being a psycho murderer, as it is about an inability to control especially strong emotions, blinding Hadrian to his own actions.

I'm not a huge fan of James Potter either, although I do think there is some argument about not holding an adult responsible for their actions as a teenager. And yes, the pranks could easily be considered bullying, but we do get a rather skewed perspective of things, given that we really only hear from Snape about it. People do change. Do I think Lily would have gone for him? We don't really know much about her either, and people are complicated. I do think this story portrays James particularly harshly, but it's a fair interpretation of his character. Plus, isn't that the whole point of fanfiction? If we're just going to re-hash canon, what is the point? As for someone like Hermione falling in love with the school bully... she did somehow end up with Ron in canon, and that's the relationship that bothers me far more than James and Lily :P

It happened this chapter, and last chapter, I think Hadrian is getting auto-corrected to Ryan. Kinda throws the reader off if they come across a name that doesn't belong :P

Best closing line ever.

That was boss. Although why would you ever take the Knight Bus, especially if you're worried about being attacked? There must be a better way to get around.

Yay, a Luna appearance! I know she won't be one of the girls, but she's just so adorable! Maybe they can all adopt her :)

good

nice 2nd time reading

it's so hard to read first-person for me normally but you seem to make it work well.

I just spent an enjoyable couple of days reading your story.
I appreciate the time you spent creating unique characters and not making them cookie cutter copies.

Perfecto!
Me Encanto!
Maravilloso