Omg this is amazing! I love your use of language here, the way you really made me feel as if I was on Mindoir, with Sloan, feeling everything she felt/ I could *smell* the rain, you wrote it so well. And that last line, oomf! It's so powerful, because I know what happens on Mindoir later, and how heartbreak that is, piled on top of this beautifully perfectly normal moment, just makes my heart ache. So damn good. This is brilliantly crafted, my friend.

I love the innocence in this story, it's a beautiful picture of a young girl in love before her world is destroyed. Makes me wonder what she would have become if not for the horror to come.

Her love for her home is very evident and it feels so relaxed and comforting. Laughed at her parents yelling at her brother that his turn would come. It's heartbreaking to think that it won't for him.

Her naivety is cute and really puts us in the head of a sixteen year old with her first love. Caleb sounds ideal for her world, strong, dependable and reliable. I'm curious to know what happens during the attack, if he stands by her or not.

It's a really nice image of what could have been and the dreams of an innocent young girl. Nicely done.