\_(ツ)_/ whoops, they should call the SCP organization. And also stick with Stonehenge.

Bro, this is a cute dynamic. I could almost visualize Janna just deciding to sit down next to Marco in the cell, but not busting him out to his increasing confusion. Thus ending the day with one confused lad, but really even Janna knows when you fight the law, the law wins.

author said on their tumblr theyre gonna release the whole season at once

I wrote a review a while ago about how I feared this this would be slowly abandoned in the middle of the rewrite. Looks like I hit the mark. It was clearly too ambitious to rewrite the whole thing. A shame because the original character progression was very well flushed out. Rest in peace I guess.

Ah, pardon me if I come across as a know-it-all jerk, but I have sneaking suspicion Marco and Janna will make the overenthusiastic expectations of Marco’s folk come true in the not too distant future. Which I’m pretty cool with. The show left me somewhat iffy on “Starco” and I just hope Marco and Janna getting together will be a purely personal plot thread between them, that won’t involve restructuring reality as we know it and implied Thanos-esque genocide.

This has been an interesting read. To be entirely honest though, I’m not loving this fic per say, I don’t find the individual stories, characterization or character interactions super interesting so far, I think it’s solid but kinda standard, though I keep finding things that keep me going. I appreciate the serialized, episodic structure, it makes it pretty easy to follow and tune in and out and even read chapters out of order (like watching a cartoon). Maybe it’s because I am a sucker for AU fics, specifically the ones that do make bold changes but still stay true to the spirit of the original. And this is defiantly one of those, taking the protagonist out of the picture and giving another character their role is always an intriguing concept to me, and Janna feels like a natural fit for this.

Without rambling on too much, I like how the change in focus helps explore Janna more. Having just finished season 4 of the show, my opinion of the character has changed somewhat. Though I found her amusing and interesting early on, by the time season 4 rolled around her character had become pretty stagnant and her shtick of being increasingly aloof about everything and doing weird things to Marco wore out its welcome, and unfortunately she never received any development, relegating her to a pretty one-note character and a shoehorned tagalong at that, given how her lack of combat skills or magical powers essentially made her a useless ally to Star and Marco when compared to others like Tom, Kelly and even Pony Head (making you wonder why she’s even there) and the season didn’t explore her character beyond what we saw in earlier seasons (with episodes like “Junkin Janna” and “Jannanigans” only reinforcing that). It feels like her more prominent role in the final season was mere fan service and the writers didn’t know what to do with her.

But that’s something I commend your fic for; it gives us what the show should have, having Janna open up more, give us some insights into her character and the life she lives, explore her relationship with her friends more, ect. This is something that was sorely missing from the show, especially given how Janna is effectively Star’s best friend besides Pony Head, yet their friendship is never really explored beyond Janna just following Star around because the latter provides her with an unlimited source of weird and macabre exploits, which is odd when compared to how much attention the show gave to the bromance between Marco and Tom (which really helped me like Tom more and more, among other things) and even the friendship between Star and Pony Head (despite the latter never learning much).

Anyway, keep up the good work.

this was beaultiful friend

Your marco seems to, when not in a crisis, embrace a bruce wayne wannabe mentality.
He wants to be a swauve, confident ladies man who enjoys the center of attention, in spite of his cautious, measured nature.

In a Crisis, your marco goes batman. same fisticuffs approach to problem, same relentless drive to save the innocent, but without the chip on his shoulder or the need to dramatize his role.
With this in mind, I'd advise having marco eventually collect a few magic items himself for when things go FUBAR. Thats obviously a long way away, but it's never to early to start factoring in future plot points.

Okay, I'm starting to see your point about the rewrite.

The first attempt was more the typical fanfiction depiction of events occurring in an AU SvtFoE with janna as the protagonist, while this is more of a novelization of Janna's journey in the SvtFoE universe. Bravo for tackling the harder task.

I can see how the story benefits from this more measured pace and your hindsight from the first draft.

You've made excellent use of POVs this time around. Will we ever get a Joey POV? Clearly a toffee POV is absolutely neccessary.

Hmm. So essentially, without the novelty of an entire new world to explore to distract her, star developed a deeper bond with Higgs than she had Marco by the same event of the wands destruction and as a result the near loss hits harder, and Higgs dies as a result, and be lost to star forever more. Poetic.

I'm not sure how the previous version didn't scream trouble maker, but I'll take your word for it.
tho honestly janna always seemed like more of a thrill seeker who subverts the established order than someone who actively and obviously flaunts the rules. She seemed to be under the radar in canon.

Would any wand work for Janna in terms of being a magic focus? Or does it need to be The Wand?

You were definitely right. This chapter couldn’t have been in the original. It’s nice that we get the monsters’ pov and why they follow Ludo/Toffee, makes them feel more alive as characters and more “human.” Toffee’s inclusion is extremely well done, especially considering in the original, Marco just coincidentally finds Toffee controlling Ludo. The whole thing just got dropped and Marco didn’t think about it twice other than “maybe he’s a good guy.”

Phone Glossaryk is hilarious! I wonder what happens if Janna gets spam texts? Or emojis?

The whole no one is retaliating against the janitor's interdementional alliance thing is a bit out of character. I get why Marco isn't doing anything, why Jackie can't, and that Kelly just hasn't been there when it happens, but river is always up for a fight. And then there's moon the undounted. She's canon extreme retaliator.

It's not believable that she's completely missed the ongoing feud, given that she's absolutely the kind of person who would keep an eye on her more powerful allies. She might not directly blast them, but a debilitating curse would be right up her alley.

I like the interesting new angles your using to approach SvtFoE universe. It makes the content feel fresh despite my familiarity with the show.

Excellent chapter. Again, I apologize for not reviewing much lately. College keeps me busy.
Ah, Glossaryck and his lessons. You really nailed that. Here’s a thought: is Janna going to eventually be evaluated by Baby (you know, the cat-like fairy godmother)?
Yeah, Janna’s definitely going to need training before she creates those wings. Essentially, they’re a second pair of arms. If she doesn’t know the correct placement, she could easily attach them to her rib cage. (That would probably be disastrous). Maybe she should look at Mewman physiology (the magic ones, anyway). They have wings after Mewberty.
All that for one page, huh? Figures.
“Princess Janna”. X)
I can’t wait for the next chapter.