Oh this is great. This is the Bellatrix that I love reading about. I like how you have given her an innocent childhood and a dark adulthood. The scene in which the family was having dinner was executed perfectly. Even Bellatrix Black was terrified of her father. I love how you've included some sisterly moments in between the snippets of her fractured life.

As usual, the parts that you had italicised highly intrigued me. The part where the moonstone became a bloodstone was chilling. Well done!

I am a little confused about the red eyed boy. He is not Voldemort, is he? Because Voldemort can't be present in Hogwarts at the same time as Bellatrix. But anyway this was a really well written story and it made for an awesome read. : )

I think I have rarely seen anybody who writes the way you do. You create such perfect imagery, and there always is something to interpret.
Also, you show the deepest corners of your character's souls. It's barely possible to describe it, it's just insanely good! ;)
It has this certain darkness and creepiness that simply comes with the character. You nailed Bellatrix, by the way
I also liked the way you connected this to mythology, with Bellatrix being the Queen of the Underworld and the Dark Lord her king ;)
Great work! :)

This is the Bella I love. The pure dark Bella with a hint of an innocent past before everything went wrong. I love how Bella went from being the passive victim of her parent's political manipulations and arranged marriage, and stopped being the victim by becoming the villain and dark antihero. I've always liked how Bella killed people with a smile on her face, it shows she loves what she does and is passionate about it; she's not just blindly following orders XD
"The wound had healed, and the result was far more beautiful than the original" Loved this line. It just goes to shows that broken people heal in all different ways and some of them became dark like Bella. Love that Bella, I don't care that she killed Sirius at all, she is fab :)
Lovely writing and story, I didn't spot any SPAG either so it is extremely well proofed and edited, congrats :)

This is an interesting interpretation of Bellatrix's character. The first section was very poetic in describing her mindset and inner thoughts, and then the second section jumped into the Bellatrix we know and love, screeching and causing a ruckus. XD

Wait, is this red-eyed guy supposed to be Voldemort? This wasn't marked as an AU so I was confused about that. (You do know he's canonically 24 years older than Bellatrix, right? And his eyes were a normal color before he started making horcruxes.)

It was nice that you included a sisterly moment with Andromeda in between all the blood and mayhem.

I love the first part of this story. It was so dark and chilling I found myself flinching during the parts about her cutting herself. The whispering voice she hears is very creepy and I love the image you have created of her being ensnared in darkness. The leap to the loud Bellatrix objecting to the news of her impending marriage contrasted nicely with the silence and eeriness of the first part and I especially love the conversation between Bellatrix and her sisters. It's sad that cracks begin to show between Andromeda and Bellatrix later on, particularly because it should be common ground for them. I like the references to Persephone and I love the last line about her being the true Queen of the Underworld. Great job.

ARTY I’VE MISSED YOUR WRITING SO MUCH OKAY HERE GOES.

The imagery in the first two paragraphs is wonderful. You really create a beautiful tone; it’s chilling, it’s vivid and it’s dark. I love it.

“This had become a favourite pastime of hers, painting the stretched canvas” — okay, this is by no means actually proper grammar, but I think it would sound a lot nicer if you replaced ‘this’ with ‘it’. It’s a tiny little thing that’s probably personal preference, so if you’d rather not, then it’s totally fine!

Ooh, the whisper is so creepy, and I love the way you have the darkness kind of choking her and I like the way that you show us that she’s got no choice in what’s unfolding before you tell us. And you really contrast the quietness, the ethereal manner of the first scene to the sudden ‘MARRIAGE’ screech — ugh I love it, it feels like someone’s thrown cold water over my face.

“not daring to challenge The Vein” - I don’t think I like this. It doesn’t gel with the overall tone of the scene so far; it feels like something kind of thrown in for the sake of a quick laugh. It’s sarcastic, and it is, by itself, a funny line, but I don’t like it here. It just doesn’t fit.

“Narcissa’s exaggerated gestures of horror and disgust” — it’d be nice here if you specified what exactly Cissy’s expressing horror and disgust at, because it’s a little ambiguous. Is it at the idea of Bella getting married? At Cissy becoming an aunt, or Andromeda becoming an aunt?

Ooh, I like the poem in the middle — I think it creates that ethereal feeling that was there in the first scene, and ties it all together, in away. I must say, I really love the last three lines — they’re haunting and beautiful!

I love the little bit about Persephone; it was a nice allegory to bring in, especially given who Bella becomes in the future. I love the way that you use it to create such a small, little scene that reveals many things about her character.

I like the scene between Bellatrix and Andromeda; I like the way that you’re showing the cracks in their relationship beginning to form along lines that they should share, that should delineate their common ground — after all, Andromeda, too, rebels when she decides she doesn’t want to be used by her parents.

“Nobody gets to rescue me but me”— this is such a wonderful line!

I like the way that you bring the piece full circle through the end, bringing back the Persephone allegory!

This was a really great piece, Arty! I thoroughly enjoyed it!