Interesting cross, I ain’t really familiar with the d20 game world your using and some of the short chapters and long AN were kinda annoying. Getting names right is also a pet peeve of mine. I think the Welsh spelling of Merlin was wrong a few chapters back... other than that you’re reasoning about Lisa being a pseudonym letting you change it makes it more forgivable. Looking forward to seeing some more though.

This makes me wonder if Susan will meet The Family from "Taylor Varga"? She seems like someone that they would recruit.

I'm generally not a commentator but I felt I should say a few words.

1. Is the loneliest number there ever was.
2. Both interesting and entertaining and I thank you for taking the time to write this.
3. Three is Free and that is why it is here see?
4. I am curious just how many people makeup Swan's team because it seems they are all over the place.
5. I hate Coil. I shall cheer when he is taken down. It is just the anticipation that gets to me.
Zool. There is no 6, only Zool.
7. I say again, thanks for writing and I wish you good health as the days go by.

Nice seeing you back, thanks for the chapter.

Really enjoying this story!
A bit puzzled as to how the Freedom Society was able to escape the Doomed World.
Also, not quite sure how the gods are part of things.

Aww :( I would have liked it if the "Path to Victory" had a flaw, like only being able to show 'one' path, even if its a bad path. As that power is just too powerfull in general... its like having the power of a omnipotent god and that is just boring .

Also it would make no sense for that power to be that powerfull, otherwise why does Scion and the other Alien not use it all the time ass well in order to succeed in their goals.

this story is mostly authors notes

This is awesome binge read it keep up the good work! :D

Even if she's 'scary smart,' that doesn't mean that she isn't a Mary Sue. It proves it, actually, because one of the main characteristics of a Mary Sue is over-powered-ness. And Susan is really over-powered. Really overpowered.

Hello there. Wanted to do a quick review. I really liked Chapter 1 and the descriptions of Susan Swan. I am concerned that she could end up being a Mary Sue character, but I'll take a wait and see attitude.

In Chapter 2, I liked the description of Sophia Hess putting Taylor into the locker right up until you had someone appear from nowhere to stop her. I would guess Susan appeared right there and immediately figured out what was going on, then fought Sophia and defeated her. I did have to guess, though as it wasn't really obvious from the writing.

While the odds of a vanilla human, no matter how smart, being able to defeat someone with the powers of Shadow Stalker seem really low, that's fine. Maybe Susan really does have powers. I do question that Sophia would use her own powers. In day time. In her school. In front of her classmates. And somehow never see them. Might be pushing the willing suspension of belief just a bit.

I did want to point how how jarring the various jumps in scene are without any bridging or explanation. Susan was at the school. Suddenly she's in an electronics store, apparently having carried a hundred plus pound girl all the way from her school, as apparently the teachers, guards, administration there allowed it. Maybe don't wait until other chapters later to provide explanations of how all of this occurred. I know the impatience of wanting to get through the early parts of the story to the meat, but set up is important as well.

Another issue is the change viewpoint in the last interlude at the electronics store. Might be better to stick to one POV per section, instead of trying multiple within the same scene. It really doesn't work very well.

The Mary Sue meter is off the charts. All it needs now is some pretentious high-handed preachiness and it will be complete.

Nice work, only a minor Typo I believe, you called Panacea Pancreas... ;p

aa coool

Pancreas? that should be Panacea

great chapter , love the way this story is going, keep up the excellent work! Keep the good writing and hope for more update soon can't wait to read more:)