I love the beginning and the flow of your story. I think this is a very creative idea, and an AU I had never even thought of before, and it makes sense. I love how you set it up and then went five years into the future.

I know the reader was seeing a more fatherly side of Dudley, but that was hard to believe. Knowing his upbringing with Vernon as his father, his civil attitude and adult like tone is hard to believe. Don't worry about that though, becuase I don't think it takes away from the story.

I think Dudley's parents would have had more influence on this situation, but I'm glad Harry and Dudley repaired their relationship and treat each other like family. Well-done overall!

This was so cute! I love stories where Harry and Dudley reunite, especially when Dudley has a child who shows signs of magic. There was just the right amount of awkwardness during their talk, and I liked the common ground of them both marrying at a young age.

I thought this was a really nice take on Harry and Dudley’s reconciliation. It might have been nice to see this expanded upon, showing some of the scenes you skipped over here, but I thought that this was a good read as is.

I think that some of Charlie’s dialogue doesn’t quite read like something a child would say – it’s a little too formal – and the way that Harry’s children greet Dudley makes them seem younger than they are. Also, the line [as it had been for the last three years] is really confusing me; do you mean that Harry had been flinching for the last three years, or that he hadn’t?

There were also a few mistakes with commas, but I liked your characterisations. Particularly of Dudley, and how he’s still obviously the same person but has clearly changed over the years.

I absolutely adore that the fanon world has decided that Dudley has to have a magical child.
Although it is a common story, I love the way you wrote it. I love the fact that it took them so long to actually talk and that they both married young.
I love Harry's immediate reaction and even more I LOVE Dudley's reaction!
This was brilliant.

I love thiiiiiiiis! I have tears in my eyes

I am immediately intrigued by this diner scenario. You do well with showing us Dudley's nervous behaviour instead of telling us, and I find it very believable that Dudley would feel uncomfortable or look down upon such a place.

[the person he last] - I'd suggest writing [a person he last]; the way it's written now, it sounds as if the last stressed person Dudley saw was Harry, which, considering they haven't seen each other for twelve years, seems unlikely :)

[tired and yet] - tired, and yet

Awh, this interaction is so sweet. That immediate understanding between them - that familiarity. They did grow up together, and that sort of forces you to think like each other. It's such a good characterisation, and I'm beginning to love the fact that you chose to write about Dudley more and more.

[sit which] - sit, which

[Dudley picked] - Dudley had picked

[kid but] - kid, bit

[offended, rather] - since this is a comma splice, I'd suggest to use a semi-colon instead, or perhaps a full stop, then a comma after 'rather'

[understand and when he did he] - understand, and when he did, he

I've heard about the concept before - Dudley having a witch for a daughter and letting that change his views upon the magical world - but I like the way you carried it out.

Man, would I also be angry if Harry had said that! They haven't spoken for twelve years, Harry has absolutely no right to take her away, seriously. Gosh, Team Dudley over here.

[Charlie is or not a witch] - is a witch or not

[crowed] - crowd

Man, this interaction on the platform is just wrenching my heart. I fecking love that Dudley and Harry became friends.

[cousins shoulders] - cousin's

Oooh, Harry as professor. Interesting. I really liked this, it was just the right amount of intimate and realistic. Good job. And watch out for comma mistakes and comma splices, there were a few throughout the piece I didn't comment on. It was easily readable, though, as your language flows quite nicely :)

loved it ?

I enjoyed reading this. It was refreshing to read something where Dudley doesn't act like a Vernon or Dudley clone. I like that he contacted Harry not because he was concerned about his daughter being a Witch but because he really wanted to know if she was.
I honestly believe that if Dudley had treated her the way Harry was treated then Harry would have taken her away in a second to protect her
I really would like to see Vernon's reaction to having a Witch in the family. Like seriously I think it would be hilarious that his precious son produced a magical child or possibly children.
A very enjoyable read.

That was truly heartwarming. I had always thought that Dudley and Harry would get on good terms after the war, as Dudley was already beginning to see sense when the Dursleys left. The idea of Dudley's child being a witch/wizard is an idea I have come across quite a few times before, and while I am not a devout believer of that idea, I really liked how you made it the bridge that led to Harry and Dudley's reconciliation. Harry's appearance — that feeling that he was very happy and yet sad, captures his mental condition in his later love extremely well. From the meeting to the conversation to the scene at the railway station (I really, really loved that, especially the last line about how both the men were going to miss their children) and Charlie's anxiety and Dudley's reassuring, everything is spot on perfect, and goes straight to the heart.
You really seem to have a flair for writing touching stories. Bravo!

Awesome, Wolf!

A proper Harry-Dudley reconciliation is something we rarely get to see - never in the books, and only occasionally in fanfic. I was pleased to see that you chose this plot to write. You really fleshed out both characters, and I loved that you wrote from Dudley's perspective. We always see Harry's point of view when interacting with Dudley, but your fic showed that they both have a voice to be heard. :)

I liked the use of Charlie as a little girl's name. At first it reminded me of Charlie Weasley, but of course Dudley's wouldn't know him. Still, I bet Harry thinks of them both whenever he hears the name... Also, the 'five years later' scene was well done. I loved that Charlie grows up knowing her 'cousins' and being friends. It makes the situation even sweeter.

I don't have any definitive SPAG mistakes, but there were a few places where your sentences could be more clear:
-"He glanced at Dudley's watch (not wearing one himself) and nodded." - This isn't wrong, but I feel that the part in parentheses begs for a subject. You could say "as he wasn't wearing one himself" or something.
-"His eyes widened, surprised at his lack of control, that was not how he wanted to say that." - The last clause/phrase/thing is more of a complete sentence, so it needs to be preceded with a semicolon or even period.
-"but, Charlie is going to be learning something amazing and honing a special skill." - This needs capitalization on the B in "but" because you used a period in "Harry chuckled."
-Oh, and the second sentence, the one with the parentheses, was kinda choppy. I enjoyed the setting of the scene, but I felt that the parentheses interrupted the flow for not enough payoff. Be careful when using those. They're rarely needed, so use them only for style, or when absolutely necessary.

I hope that horrific blob of text doesn't put you off. I really loved the fic, it was well written with loads of character, and made me happy to read. :D

4.25/5 points - SPAG (minus .75 for paren usage, comma, capitalization)
5/5 points - use of plot bunny/scenario/pairing request (this was ideal)
2/2 points - creativity / originality
2/2 points - story flow / overall "did it work?"
1/1 point - enjoyability / other

Total: 14.25/15 points

-Myc

I like this story it's simple but sweet.

The Crimson Mage.
P.S: I like how you put this together !

this was insanely cute. keep up the good work.

very good

I liked this story it was good!

I really liked this. I never read a Harry and Dudley bury the hatchet story before, but I found it very realistic.

It flowed well and I loved the subtle hints that Harry suffered from PTSD. I wish I knew how Petunia and Vernon dealt with the truth about Charlie but knowing them, they probably blamed Harry for tainting their precious granddaughter.

Great job.