Nice story.

Thank you. I'm looking forward to your next story.

Love

Can't wait for more

pls continue, it is a great read so far

I like the general flow of the story and I think it's a classic, fun, Star Trek premise. One thing that threw me a little is you shift tenses between past and present often. Most people prefer past tense in fiction writing but I think present tense can be interesting and sort of "in the moment." Most of your verbs are present tense, and, just a suggestion, but you might try switching the few past tense verbs you have to present to make it flow a little better.
For example, you say, "Spock walked past Ensign Bellah" but immediately afterward, "Spock informs Toromolen."
Overall, I think your story has a lot of potential and I look forward to more. My only recommendation is to pick a tense and stick with it. Good work!

4.
Chapter 4.
T'Pau's sick she is ill she is tired where's that T'Ra Worm it's a baby she is old woman ten the Chosen was Dawn Read Spier to be her replacement ready Nurse he swallowed Everyone yes he Cleared his Throat wearing robes his voice clear and Powerful her is the Waters of life let the Worm god change now then Suddenly Dawn Swallowed mouthful a lot of poisonous acidic waters With it Screaming! then it really happened T'Pau gave up her own life to her in the way of very old but frail Reverend mother screamed with her felt a disease striking her frail dying heart then gasped then suddenly died there Dawn Read Spier felt it the official Spice Agony ten her voice sounded different here lies T'Pau lifeless gave up her katra as other memory let the waters mingle and ebb and flow within let her be buried but scatter her ashes then it really happened the body was in black aba robes herself was now a truest Reverend mother at 160 years old it expanded her life source te Vulcans mourned of her passing via from here on New Vulcan te day of saddess held the vey as all of Vulcans mourned of her Death welcomed a leader on te block her replacement a girl was chosen was Starfleet then too soon the body Sarek mourned alone herself in robes of blue-gold he noticed her eyes beginning to changing Sarek yes here is my word bond if you live my tribe so be by my sietch what happened your mother is dead gave up her life it is law of the Fremen I am now Reverend Mother Dawn Read Spier what robes is from DUNE Of this 1984 science fiction Sarek she has Blue within blue eyes of a Femen woman that news of her deat stirred pardon Sir! she is actig very strangely of the host so they carrid it's T'Pau she is dead gave her life to her via Spice Agony she's Bene Gesserit that the doctor good god almighty you preformed a ritual yes I am also her priest Aunt yes I have it as well yes something is wrong with Psi 2000 it is canged Scotty bring them aboard I have a bad feeling about this planet wil be destroyed by it's unstable core then it beamed them in sickbay Holy smokes we are fine Captain Yikes you gave me a fright your eyes they shattered you ok I adapt but she is right oh no like what Alert Starfleet Command we have to solve it going to fight it for love and justice good god no drinkig allowed for me right holy crap I am your Chief Counselor Ben passed out of her eye color was different wha happened you fainted.

Hmm, not bad. Is Carol Marcus going to be among the featured staff?

3.
Chapter 3.
Captain's personnel log stardate 2261.2 the planet Psi 2000 is a dead world inactive but lonely suddenly burst into life by who or what it into the planet Kirk Out then te young Vulcan women and their mates with little kids the child was afraid of it's Shadow then suddenly herself remember senshi training ROMULUS PLANET POWER MAKE-UP! The each both yelled VENUS PLANET POWER MAKE-UP! MERCURY PLANET POWER MAKE-UP! MARS PLANET POWER MAKE-UP! JUPITER PLANET POWER MAKE-UP! URANUS PLANET POWER MAKE-UP! NEPTUNE PLANET MAKE-UP! PLUTO PLANET POWWER MAKE-UP! SATURN PLANET POWER MAKE-UP! MOON COSMIC POWER MAKE-UP! That teir Transformations into Sailor Guardians began with toys and childhood suddenly made her speech Protected by the planet of toys and laughter and Childhood guarded by Youth I am Sailor ROMULUS! Protected by the planet of water guardian of science and wisdom I am SAILOR MERCURY! Douse yourselves in water and REPENT! protected by the planet of fire I will chasity you in the name of Mars I AM SAILOR MARS! Protected by the giant planet of Thunder guardian of Protection I will make you reget I am SAILOR JUPITER! Protected by the planet of love and beauty I will punish you with Love SAILOR VENUS! Then the Outers reported coldly protected by the planet of the seas guardian of planet of the outer rim of of the solar system SAILOR NEPTUNE! protected by te planet of the skies and heavens guardian of the planet Uranus SAILOR URANUS! My guardian deity of silence ruin death and destruction protected by the planet of The planet of the Slience Glaive SAILOR SATURN! Ptrotected by the planet of the underworld welds the doors dares to enters here is taboo gurian of my guardian deity is my father CHRONOS! SAILOR PLUTO! Stop right there I Am the pretty suited guardian in a sailor suit on the behalf of the moon I will punish YOU! of Love and Justice and Mystery SAILOR MOON! then it moved not so fast Girls scanning almost there got IT! NOW! Then it really happened Rin shi pry ryu sh kai chi pai cai her chanting was Ancient but old then sudden fire a snake MARS SNAKE FIRE! Hr own longer hair rose then fired you want trouble pal you are lookin' at it the name is trouble JUPITER , I CALL THE FORCES OF NATURE TO VANQUISH THIS EVIL JUPITER COCONUT CYCLONE! Not so fast daimon MERCURY AQUA MIRAGE! Plop herself was smarter used her battle from Athena logically VENUS WINK CHAIN SWORD! PLUTO DEADLY SCREAM! URANUS WORLD SHAKING NEPTUNE DEEP SUBMERGE! SATURN RIBBION REVOLUTION! ROMULUS DEADLY SCREECHING BROKEN TOYS! That the Crew member who are they Sailor Guardians are fighting a spirit Pike sent us here they felt it wre different suddenly each four were Sailor guardians like The Infinity arc were warriors they were bound to Neo-Queen Serenity Tsukino Endymion te rightful leader of the cosmos felt it from her own mind produced a rod Neo-Queen Serenity loan me your power in this rod the Music was from the third season of Sailor Moon Crystal MOON SPIRAL ATTACK! That a heart was born it screamed a loud one then vanishing then it returned to the planet Sailor Guardians we move to EARTH To Tokyo, Japan! That Claudia had a vision of a city destroyed by the entites Kami-SAMA! What is it I have a bad feeling it's a bad omen they are entites girls it is training holy cow who are you girls youg men unaffected Sailor Soldiers represented by worlds oh how little she is Artemis you bred on her ulp ouh oops sorry not too tight good god you are warrior they were different from each other Luna poor baby you created Diana my guardian cat princess king queen urk then it really happened all of the Federation knelt to her hoo boy oh man Aunt! they were their loyal allies of the Silver Millennium their job to find Sailor Guardians and Masks Momma mia stop staring this is terrible they are Warriors reprogramed to fight hoo boy by the way Pavel you remind me of my last boyfriend oh no ulp oh man what happened it's a Entity we are not affected what are you these young people are Sailor Soldiers Good god they never age by te Silver Imperial crystal are Immortal I n knew it Spock Prime trained them from birth to teenagehood yes over here knock it off quit flirting can't nice hairdo Meatball head Ooooooooooooooooh! these are buns Sulu jeeze herself had a Fiery but Passionate temper while angry had a bad temper it was from changes of Puberty Sulu she has a royal hairdo oh my god teese girls are Sailor Scouts and Masks who Sailor Earth Sun Mask with Sailor Nemesis and Sailor Vulcan oh my god you are warriors yes we allied with your team yikes ten tey powered down Ben found Alien women very different were teenagers yikes um' Captain they never went old of teir ages meet my kitten poor snookins he lost it felt a sneeze coming ACH-CHOOO! He told Computer tissue box please he was allergic to cats were Carnivorous meat-eaters he grabbed only one blew his nose it's Cats what is a Cat a small carnivorous animal diet Meat that is why I am allergic then he smelt food cooking the old fashion way his stomach growling the enjoyed Dogs oh god why hello boy yup oh man food on the stomach he was eating like a Saiyan of as all of food was starved ten BURP! then Ben yeah it's food cooked by a girl I have allergies from Tigger her puppy's name it's Gorwon he is her Saint Bernard Team wake up ithey crunched onto a oldest building used to be a high school tainted with evil oh my god the young Vulcan woman told Strom of the one spied oh man I am gone he was a Starfleet officer paled of his height and Muscles and his rank was Commander what is that noise from Earth Strom it's Earth they landed into a high school pardon they were fighting are trained warriors oh no who ate the food he did like a Saiyan very faster ugh watch it I am on a diet it's really healthy then Tigger was a meowing like a Cat one nurse male sneezing Girls the planet is shifting uh oh Diana it's really very bad gonna happen to it Hello Doctor why we are aboard we are going to place us/crew in thse you you sub for us really can you do it yes oh my god who are these Vulcan women my niece that is a great idea 2010 way they are teenagers oh good god not teenagers aboad she is yours it will take a century to have families it screeched I will have a mate I am very lonely without one can you help me that a female insectoid was winged he found love but romance they swore a Sing greeting was marriage you just set tem up moi I'm Venusian oh! Claudia hated the way they were gross girls she set them up with her planet powers jeeze girl in the few month kids yikes in a Case of that thing their race practiced marriages and funerals like we do and their birth rituals to babies hoo boy gonna be trouble little insectoid children hungry for worms oh ugh not worms yes they molt by shedding disgusting then Cocooning as Adults oh my this is dreadful Sis we are in trouble of them aboard are still chanting it's a mating song guys then on a shuttle roaring ten reached te Enterprise wit bot aboard ten a divan chair was shadowed then Ambassador Sarek's aide Sarek it's your mother What Mther yes sir then herself was old by age looked fit as a Ox Hello girls I sold my home deported tem so his as well then meet this young Vulcan woman her name is T'Lar greetings I will take her place she needed her treatment se is sick again needed to get help then herself was ill felt a force pushing Momma mia T'Pau are you ok I had a fit like Tomoe Hotaru yes ten it really happened her son Moter what is it I am dying my son of it T'Lar will take my place and will be High Priestess for good oh no then it is Diabetes she is in type III She's dying the young took their places te small little Vulcan girl was scared she wrote a will and gave things to us and them Aunt yes she is sick lived a struggling battle fought a good fight for love and justice then Soran was worried of his master's mother was sick suffered a fit herself confessed she was hooked on Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon Crystal in Anime form The child placed a crop of Vulcan flowers Solok she is not going to make it the young are Immortal longer living like her and them will be eternal yes then the Enterprie with vessesels as all of it it's Earth it begins the end approaches the child was terrified of the end was too little but very young growing up aboard was asleep her uncle was a Captain sighten a little girl in uniform was the youngest officer in history Mister it's really bad yes T'Pau had terrible fits suffering like from Agnes's mother her Aunt sighten she graduated young with tem Pike it's worse than a pickle it's T'Pau ill held from it a Crystal from the box glowed a alien light that Carol Marcus stood in horror reported it is call the Tau Crystal from the Infinity Arc that she had seziures fits a enity it looks like a Woman

2.
Chapter 2.
Did I afraid so All of Station personnel tey are dead Dawn Read Spier in case we gonuts give last rites to tem drss in Vulcan funeral robes of burial I did they been dead I transferred their katras into Katric arks Good god Died Scotty yes in case of acrisis send ye to families are grieving of their lost children we must grant them a Fomal burial Starfleet way ten that the youth replaced the old then Ben this world is dying they must be kept Dingbat I got a bad feeling it's bad omen you James T Kirk are unaffected so the rest of personnel officers we must Sub from you good idea oh my how tragic one Insectoid singing songs of fire a Funeral one of his race yuk he is a Bug it screeched I am not I can talk oh no great Seed preserve us Warp to a world can't going nova his creators Ambassador what the rest of the crew with Ambassdorial staff then the small Vulcan girl Psi 2000 is inactive misters down here just a little girl who is this kid A-ha Ben snapps his fingers she is correct then Scotty's voice rang Captain she is 100% correct oh man who are these women watch it then uh-oh I got a bad Negaverse feeling something is not right Sulu Start pressing buttons and Engage we are going to Hyberwarp Star Wars way you nuts lets do it that t really happened Enterprise Whammed then freed of it then te young Vulcan female was in command of the Enterprise trained herself for command with te young people it became a training vessel for young officers Momma mia we need to find a planet to bury the deceased get more enlit youg people to replace we lost good idea hoo boy it's terrible of these deaths Thanks from Transformers the Movie (1986) that's some Autbot funeral music yes for the grieving crew members one is dry-sobbing like a Vampire lost a member of it's coven others followed from Twilight we are dry-sobbing like Vampires it is a person he a or she is transformed Sir! the planet is alive followed us like what Nemesis from my manga I read yikes it's possessed by souls of the dead wanted revenge I'm scared Pu' it's not in history oh Kami-Sama Mom yes switiched to Sailor Moon Pike meet tese replacement teenagers tey are trained Starfleet officers Doctor yeah babysit the child I am a doctor not a blasted babysitter good lord who are these people Vulcans oh good god these are young women and men she is my ward and student son the gun who she is a rare one long golden wheat hair in a fashion balls parted bangs blue eyes pointed ears eyebrows short but perfect how old are you missy almost 161 I kept by the Silver Imperial crystal so my best riends we are Immortal meet my kitten one nurse had a solving to the planet's strange gift um' Dawn yeah it's a dead world I fear it's possessed by ghosts Urk no Ghosts they are entites I knew it the young Vulcan woman told Strom who is that man he's huge and Muscular ulp he paled but was white of his height and muscles sweated bullets of his rank heard Tigger meowing he sneezed had terrible Cat Allergies was Allergic to Cats the Russian informed e are in big trouble I have informed it's with spirits Momma mia oh no Daughter you taught Andorians to dry cry like Vampires yes hoo boy crew we must tell Starfleet about tem tey are taking over.